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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-16-2010, 05:27 AM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

face book is the devil..

I joke, I joke but on a serious note the one thing that has not been mentioned is that messages boards themselves can become a problem. I recently joined one and noticed that many of the member's had as many as 40,000 posts.Now how much time do you have to spend on line to amass 40,000
posts..and how much time are you really giving your partner and family, if all your time is spend on a message board ? Face book is another problem for some reason people lose sight of the fact that this is not a private place. the information shared is often just inappropriate. Another factor with face book is the ability to reconnect with people from the past that quite frankly should be left there.

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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 11-26-2010, 05:33 PM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

I appreciate the information and insight here on online relationships. As a newcomer, it makes it feel more safe.
I've come here primarily for support to discuss things which I cannot with my husband, but not too much detail that I think he wouldn't want. I've never become attached to people online and have never seen that as a problem, for myself.
I once knew a married woman who had an emotional affair online, and so I know that it happens.
Anyway, I appreciate this, it says a lot about the site, that it's responsible and focused on staying healthy and support.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 01-14-2011, 04:39 AM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

I don't generally worry about what my husband thinks, since I'm not interested in starting too many relationships. I actually post to different sites; on one I'd ended up getting an e-mail from a married man. He sent me a message about an individual I'd mentioned in a post and I sent back one with thank yous for previous helps, etc. Got another back and sent another, then one more came. Didn't open it for days...I get more anxious about somebody else starting something then I have to extricate. Finally read it today; fairly sedate statement and I left it at that. I have too many in-laws with severe boundary issues in real life to want to get over-involved at the moment on-line.
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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 07-31-2011, 02:35 AM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

Well, I'd like to trouble the water a bit. I joined the forum because I need to talk about some things (sex) that I can't talk about with my husband. Some of this needs to be a bit detailed so that I can solve some problems.

If I asked myself how he would feel about it - I think he would be horrified. First of all, he is a private person and not the sort who would yak on line. Knowing this makes me quite uncomfortable. However, I don't feel like I've got a lot of options. We went to see a counselor and it was a disaster. I think we were too nice and the counselor couldn't find much wrong with us. Anyways, neither he nor I are interested in trying that again soon. However, the problems remain. I find the forum here very helpful - in the sea of pornography out there, this is actually a conversation about emotions, love, relationship and sex, all together. But I am worried about privacy, and I am transgressing a boundary. I hope it is for a good cause.

Last edited by Jadegreen; 07-31-2011 at 02:38 AM. Reason: clarify
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 08-12-2011, 01:36 AM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

It happened to me, but I met him on another website, not this one. Now, we are 2 years into a long distance emotional affair (he's not married, I am), and we're wondering how or why we let it get this far. I was very needy with all the problems in my marriage, and I think I pushed him into the closeness we share. I think I just needed to feel something again. It's exhilarating, yet painful because we can't be together.
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post #21 of 21 (permalink) Old 09-18-2011, 04:59 PM
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Re: Healthy Boundaries on Support Forums

remyschaefer I hear you loud and clear. Your husband has to learn how to take on a new paradigm in his life. He has to "reinvent himself" as the risk of sounding trite. He is lucky he has you to point these things out. I know it's not an easy road but he simply has to see that he can't go along in life being a doormat for others. It's never too late to change. I know I am changing constantly and it's a never ending journey. Would it be possible for you guys to move further away from his family? The distance might help out a little. Oh, and I know what you mean when your mate chats the breeze with a counselor. That is so annoying!
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