Is it possible for two people who work together (single guy and married woman).......

sofaraway · 09-03-2010, 02:04 PM

To remain friends, when the woman had strong feelings for the guy? Strong feelings as in she and the coworker had plans of having sex together, but her husband found out. The husband does not know who the guy is, but more than likely told her not to be in contact with him. 9 months later, the two are still in contact with each other. They have lunches together with a group of friends at work. They email,text and call each other late,late at night or when her husband is not around. I am not any of these three people mentioned above, I know the single man. I have spoken to him many times and he insists they are just friends. She too says the same thing. According to the guy, after her husband found out, they have decided to remain friends. Then why all the secrecy? He's calling her using an unrestricted number (because the husband demanded to see the cell phone bill). She defriended him in facebook because her husband is also a friend in her fb account. Basically the husband has no idea that this is going on.
I told my male friend that he and the coworker were in an emotional relationship/affair. That this could eventually lead to a full blown affair. I personally think that they are already physical with each other. He denies it. Is there anyone out there who thinks that I am right in what I've told him? Or do you think they are "just friends"? So, can they remain friends after she had divulged her sex life with the husband to him and after the male coworker had told her what he wanted to do to her sexually?

BigBadWolf · 09-03-2010, 02:19 PM

They were hardly friends to begin with.

This is a full blown EA/PA.

On this, there is no doubt.

Regardless, it is my opinion that a man or woman are not ever "just friends" as sexual attraction is everpresent in some form or another. I have seen it managed well of course, if there is nothing but openness and transparency to the married partners involved. Where there is secrecy, there is something that is being hidden.

So you are correct about the affair. The question is, what is your responsibility to do about this? Are you friends with the single man?

It would be in his interest not to play with fire, if he is interested in a real relatoinsihp with this woman, it is the proper thing for everyone involved for her to end her marriage and for both the man and woman to begin to act with integrity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sofaraway

To remain friends, when the woman has strong feelings for the guy? Strong feelings as in she and the coworker had plans of having sex together, but her husband found out. The husband does not know who the guy is, but more than likely told her not to be in contact with him. 9 months later, the two are still in contact with each other. They have lunches together with a group of friends at work. They email,text and call each other late,late at night or when her husband is not around. I am not any of these three people mentioned above, I know the single man. I have spoken to him many times and he insists they are just friends. She too says the same thing. According to the guy, after her husband found out, they have decided to remain friends. Then why all the secrecy? He's calling her using an unrestricted number (because the husband demanded to see the cell phone bill). She defriended him in facebook because her husband is also a friend in her fb account. Basically the husband has no idea that this is going on.
I told my male friend that he and the coworker were in an emotional relationship/affair. That this could eventually lead to a full blown affair. I personally think that they are already physical with each other. He denies it. Is there anyone out there who thinks that I am right in what I've told him? Or do you think they are "just friends"? So, can they remain friends after she had divulged her sex life with the husband to him and after the male coworker had told her what he wanted to do to her sexually?

sofaraway · 09-03-2010, 02:29 PM

I am a friend. He has told me, many times, that he is not interested in a relationship, just sex. Keeps on insisting that nothing is going on between them and that I assume to much. He likes talking to her because she's fun to talk to. She had told him in the beginning that she had wanted out on her marriage. When the husband found out, she didn't want out, he probably threatened to get custody of their little son. The husband gave her a second chance because she told him that nothing sexual happened between her and the other guy. But she probably didn't tell him back then that she was secretly meeting up with the guy whenever she had the free time....at a coffee shop or somewhere else.

Wisp · 09-03-2010, 02:29 PM

I am of the opinion that if one stands by knowing that there is an affair and does little that effectively opens the secret to the betrayed spouse then it is as bad a condoning and supporting the affair.

Find a way to tell her H, if you need to do this in a manner that you are not identified so be it, be very specific to the husband let him know the OM’s name and that he works with his cheating wife.

Do not feel any guilt for if it is so innocent then they should be pleased and very happy that all know of their friendship.

marcy* · 09-03-2010, 02:34 PM

A big NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, especially when she still feels for him.

CH · 09-03-2010, 05:36 PM

Playing with another man's wife is like playing with fire. You have no idea who you are dealing with on the other end. Dodging bullets is not a sport I want to subscribe to.