Re: My wife will Not tell me she Loves me....why?
Some people just aren't naturally affectionate, lovey-dovey people. Some people feel that the fact that they love you should be enough, feel that the fact that they married you and are there with you should prove to you that they love you.
And for some people that IS enough. Clearly, for you, it is not. You've tried two different methods to get her to show some love, both showering her with love and then essentially withdrawing all signs of it. Neither has worked.
I'd suggest talking to her next. Sit down and tell her how you feel: that you love her, but her complete lack of ever showing any affection, saying I love you unprompted, etc., makes you feel as though she may not feel the same. It's likely that even if she doesn't love you, she'll claim she does. If/when she does, ask her (as nicely as you can) how you should know that? Ask her for some examples of what she does/says that would indicate she loves you. If she can provide you with some real answers (as someone else said, maybe she thinks of cleaning out your car or bleaching your socks as a sign of affection), then you might just need to expand your vision of what love and affection should look like.
If she can't tell you what she says/does that should show love and affection, that's when you take it a step further and tell her that you work hard so she can stay home, and you provide for her and the kids, and you are beginning to feel that perhaps she doesn't love you and is only staying for the financial security. See what she says to that. Of course, she's not going to just come out and say, "gee, honey, you're right. I'll get a job and move out." But her reaction to that statement should tell you something. If it were me, and my boyfriend said he felt that way, he would hear a very vehement denial and an offer that I will get a job and take care of my own children to prove to him that I am in fact with him for love not money.
If none of that works, you could give counseling a try, but there will also come a point where you either just have to accept that this is how she is and live with it, or decide you can't live that way and move on.