As a man I feel like a (excuse my term but maybe the guys willunderstand this) I feel like a wuss. I say to myself, just man up.. but it's more than that. Right now it's been approx 6weeks since my wife and i have had relations, and I get shut down more than a garage door. I want to start my own thread on this, because I'm just so frustrated.. As far as telling my wife how I feel, last time I told she doesn't appreciate all the stuff I do around her she said "stop whining". LOL..great huh... my wife is for the lack of a better term and Ice Queen. she'll only want sex when she wants it, and maybe if it's my birthday she'll give me some as a present.. LOL..she will also use it as a motivator for me to do something. ie: I goto my friends house for the UFC fights, I go up we hang I crash onthe couch and come home early am. Well, she'll offer me sex to stay home.. It's a chore for her and it's very very very maddening.
Anyways, MrJoshua, I feel ya! I'm 38 and I'm starting to get some major issues from all this, 1 carpol tunnel, 2. I'm turning into a cronic masterb'er 3. just very very upset about my marriage and the lack of initmacy.
Intimicy, can't believe I said that... I'll start my own thread, but I just had to add that I feel your pain Joshua.
This is from my own person experience as a woman. I've been married 7 years, when I look back I was like your wives for most of it. I just really wasn't that interested. After my husband and I were intimate I would always say "well, that was good...why don't we do this more?" but we just didn't. Part of the problem is that he has a very low drive also. For most of our marriage, once a month was the norm and some months none. My husband tells me know that he didn't want to more often but I just was reluctant.
In all honesty, it just wasn't that great. I don't want to burst and egos, but maybe that is the problem in your cases also. My husband was not even close to my first, so I have a fair bit of experience to base it on (counting on fingers and toes) and I can say it has never been really spectacular.
I must have gone through some kind of a chemical change in the last 6 months because now I can not get enough. Although, I still feel likes it's really not all that great, but I do like the personal closeness.
During this time, my husband hasn't been able to keep up with my desire so I have supplemented with a "toy"... Initially, I bought it to use together to enhance our time. He would finish in about 1 minute and I'd be thinking "is that it?" I thought this could assist me when we are together. Well, he thinks it's too mechanical, impersonal, yada yada.
My point though is maybe you could purchase a clitorial stimulating toy and introduce it to your wife. When she feels how incredible it is she may be more interested... I am sure this sounds wierd but I think they are a lot more common that people want to admit.
This is an awesome thread and it makes me think about my 20 years of marriage and the many different "things" my husband and I have went thru. I remember the "baby days" when I was soooo overwhelmed I felt like crying every night. I'm the care giver, the cook, the maid, the accountant, even the trash woman in addition to working full time. My husband has always been the main provider and has a strenuous job. I used to envy him when he would come home, play with the babies until I got dinner fixed, eat, then sleep. He is such a spoiled man!!!
But my very wise grandmother blew my mind 20 years ago at my bridal shower when she gave me the best advice I've ever heard. She was blunt and straight to the point. Make sure your man always has warm food on the table and an even warmer bed to lay in!!! At 18 years old I was so embarrassed, but it truly is good advice!! And I think it has sustained us for a very long time. It's a shame other girls didn't have a grandmother like that.
There are many causes for a lack of sexual drive, is your wife taking any medications? Or is she just soooo overwhelmed with motherhood, like I was? Some people think that having children will bring you closer together, but in reality it causes some couples to drift apart, because you get so caught up in "Baby raising mode".
I used to joke that all I wanted for my birthday and Christmas was a maid for the day!!! I wasn't really joking!!! I still wish for it!!!
Good luck to you and your wife!!! If it makes you feel any better, as your children grow, things will get a little easier. Intimacy is not something that we are all accustomed to (I grew up with five brothers and we weren't a hugging family), so this has been something I have had to work on also, especially lately.
I used to joke that all I wanted for my birthday and Christmas was a maid for the day!!! I wasn't really joking!!! I still wish for it!!!
I can relate to that one! I was traveling for work this week and in one of the meetings a programmer was asked how confident he was about meeting a deadline. He said "I'd bet my life on it" and a woman said "You'd bet your wife on it?" I said, "even better, I could use a wife!" Today I asked him if he missed the deadline yet because after being gone a few days we are out of milk, laundry is piling up and I could really use her now...He said "She's MINE!"....sweet!
I goto my friends house for the UFC fights, I go up we hang I crash onthe couch and come home early am. Well, she'll offer me sex to stay home.. It's a chore for her and it's very very very maddening.
I bet her side would go something along the lines of, "I have to offer him sex just so he'll stay home with me. He doesnt love me. He just wants sex."
She's not as cold as you think, im guessing. She's hurt.
I bet her side would go something along the lines of, "I have to offer him sex just so he'll stay home with me. He doesnt love me. He just wants sex."
She's not as cold as you think, im guessing. She's hurt.
The bigger picture is a lot different than your taking this little excerpt or statement, trust me on that. Obiously if I was leaving all the time to hang out or watch the fights or go out with my buddies THAT would be just cause. I don't go out with my friends, the most I do is take an early day and go golfing, count up the strokes inthe club house over a beer witha few laughs and go home. I do not go out ever! The only bar I see is in a golf course and most of the times I'll go out at 6am so I'm home by 10am.. I do more than my fare share at home, as she is always gone.. so I'm driving, picking up, watching the kids, while she's gone.. then I'm cleaning the house on the weekends while she's gone for work and driving the kids around. I'm making the lunches at night, and cleaning the kitchen at night.. I'm not going around screwing around on her, I'd never do that... she would rather me drive hom, but I just don't feel comfortable or safe driving home @ 3am for 45mins..
Re: Physical intimacy in marriage
