I've only been married a month but I wish I never did.
I got married a little over a month ago but I have wanted a divorce since about 3 days after the wedding. I actually tried to break off the engagement at least 3 times but she was so emotional and swore to me that she would do whatever it took to change so I believed her and then we got married.
My wife has some serious anger issues and will get very mad, to the point of screaming and cussing at me, and it seems to get more and more frequent. She will accuse me of things and say hurtful things to me when she is upset. If I do the same to her though, it will just elevate her rage.
When we first started dating I never saw this side of her, although years ago she dated a friend of mine and he told me he had to break up with her because she was always mad at him. I thought she had changed. Once we decided we wanted to be married, her anger started to surface. Small things would set her off and she would become very hostile, rude and aggressive. These mood swings would soon turn into her gritting her teeth, balling her hands into fists and using colorful language. We had a few talks about it and she apologized about it and described them as isolated incidents that would never happen again. The situation did not improve so I told her I wanted to end the relationship. She cried and begged me to give her another chance and that she would do everything in her power to change. These events continued to repeat themselves but each time she promised that this time would really be different and then gave me a guilt trip if I didnt believe her and have "faith" in her. I came to realize that repeatedly asking her to change was not working.
For some dumb reason I thought that if I reflected her anger back at her she would see how ugly it is and it might cause a change in her attitude. So every time she got angry, I decided to match her anger and volume or even exceed it. We then got into huge fights that consisted of extreme volume levels, finger-pointing, recalling past faults, name-calling, swearing and I even started punching inanimate objects out of anger. Needless to say, this method did not work. It just made hate the person I was turning into.
So I decided to try being more passive than ever. I started showing no signs of stress when she would try to provoke me to anger. When she would yell I would calmly try to persuade her to lower her voice. I tried to sit and speak in the most non threatening manner possible to get her to stop being angry so that we could communicate more effectively. This method also did nothing to curb her automatic response of anger toward any situation of which the outcome was not to her liking.
I have tried many times over the past 6 months to persuade her to join me for marriage counseling but she will adamantly refuse every time. One time she met with one of our religious leaders by herself but since then has made no effort to do anything like that again. Her reason for discontinuing those meetings were due to the fact that she "doesn't feel comfortable talking to anyone about our marriage." Once while she was admitting to having anger issues, she agreed to go look for some books that might help her change. We went to Barnes & Nobles and she picked out 2 books but since then has spent very little time with them because she claims she doesn't understand them or that they're of no interest to her. Its hard for me to believe that she wants to change when she makes no effort to try and understand the books or to get new books, or any other resource, that might help. I'd also like to note that the time she sought counseling and the time she got those books were immediately following me expressing that I wanted to leave her.
I am beyond frustrated with her. We fight around 2 times a week and in bad weeks up to 4 or 5 times. Every fight makes me feel less and less in love with her. She has already noticed that my desire to have sex with her, talk to her and spend time with her is gradually declining. I am constantly having to defend my every word and action because she takes offense to so many things, regardless of the fact that I don't ever do anything to intentionally upset her. Work can be stressful but I love my time at work because that is the one place she cannot be negative towards me. It is my escape from her which makes me not want to leave work at the end of the day.
I want to leave her. I have wanted to end this relationship for about 7 months now but she will not let me. One time she saw me packing my bags and she grabbed my stuff and threw it all over the house while screaming at me "you're not leaving me!" She is so full of rage and fury when she is angry that Im afraid to know what she'll do when I actually do leave her. I need to get away from her but I have no idea how to do it.