turtle12

Good afternoon,

1st post for me. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have a couple of awesome kids and in general everything is great.

The one thing that causes disagreements is her co-worker. She worked in a company where she had to work with a guy from another company. About 4 years ago he recruited her to work with him at his company.

I feel their relationship is different than that with her other co-workers. They email each other constantly, gossip, and alway choose to be teamed together at corporate events. She feels they are friends but it is not inappropriate.

When she first started working there there were a couple of occasions that she was not truthful about being at happy hours with him or contacts with him. I do not believe however, that she has ever cheated on me.

Over the years we have had various arguments because their relationship. Now she has to travel with him for work a couple of times a year. I'm not sure how to handle this. Thinking about them together out and drinking in a hotel drives me crazy. She claims that they are just friends and it is all in my head. She is very hurt because she feels I don't trust her. Any advice on how to bring some peace to the relationship when these trips come around?

Wisp

.

Are you sure?

The fact that you are on here implies this does not sit well with you. If you suspect trust your gut..

This will affect your marriage and as we all know - beautiful woman travels frequently with man on business trips, drinks at the bar, no husband around - there is a VERY strong chance that an affair will occur or is in motion.

Talk again to your wife, this is affecting your marriage and I suggest from what little you have written that she moves to a job elsewhere, this is to protect your marriage.

A good start would be she declines going on the trips.

turtle12

Wisp,

Thanks you for the input. It is good just to hear that my concerns don't sound absurd when I put them down in writing.

You were spot on with the "beautiful woman" comment. Part of the issue could be my own insecurities. I have thought about the new job suggestions in the past but I believe she would be very resentful if I pushed her to go the new job route.

newblogger39

I posted several back from you about my husband and his personal assistant. I know exactly how you feel - the mind can do awful things when you start to imagine what could be happening. My husband was also defensive and said why couldn't I "trust" him that he hadn't crossed any lines. The only thing that seems to have gotten through to him was to ask "how would you feel if I had a very close male friend who I saw every day?" He admitted he wouldn't like it. I finally had to tell him the difference with this female relationship vs. others he has/had was I felt his emotional connection to her was greater than his connection to me.

Fortunately, my husband and his assistant don't travel together. I'm sorry you have to deal with that one. Perhaps a boundary like, she calls you from her room at 9 PM? I think that is reasonable given the situation. Like you, I also will have to continue to deal with this - changing jobs is not an option. Don't allow her to tell you it is your problem - if you are feeling this way, there is a reason. Try to find some way to get her to see how you feel. She may never believe that there is anything inappropriate with this relationship, but she has to understand how it makes you feel. It really isn't an issue of trust, so much as a feeling that you are watching your loved one go down a path with someone other than you.

Best of luck to you - my husband and I have had some good talks and now the ball is in his court. I hope that will happen for you.

AmorousWarrior

I think that given her past with this guy it's not unreasonable to ask her to adhere to some rules. Having her call at 9PM isn't going to really matter in my opinion though. He could just sit quiet or just come by at 11PM. Is she being very defensive? Does she understand why this is uncomfortable for you? Her reaction to the situation and your requests will tell you alot about her true feelings for this guy.

__________________
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me".