Roullette

Ive had this girl ive loved for soo long an she loved me for so long too.. over 10 years. shes like a high school sweet heart.i even named my sister after her... we dated off and on a few times. she now has a baby which she is 2 yrs old. i love this girl so much but i cant stand the fact that she has a baby,shes tied with the father of the baby for life, and that we cant get any alone time ever again.she and I both wish the child was ours but its not. or at least i think she wishes it was our child, i think she said it to me but i could be wrong.

And i am jealous of the father being in the life of my One True Love! if i could i would tell him never call again your done with child support the baby is now ours... but i know that could never happen. What really hurts the most about the father is that hes 25 and its his 5th child and his oldest child is 12 years old... it doesnt mean anything to him. the other 4 children are in another state over 24 hrs away if you where to drive. he never sees them.

every relationship Ive ever had Ive thought about this girl at least every 3 months and in some cases even more. i had a serious relationship that was 4 years and during the middle of that relationship i found out that My True Love! got pregnant and right away i got extremely sad and thought "that should be me and her!!".

For some reason i want to have a family with her and we tried to have a baby and we have only been back together less the 2 weeks. I dont know why im thinking like this and what could cause it.

The child cries when the mother sits on my lap and cries when we hug. I cant stand it!! I know things will never be the same again. I cry constantly about the fact she has a baby and im almost 25 and shouldnt be cry at all!. Ive tried to post questions on yahoo answers and the best answer i got was"you gatta move on".

Shes not a rich girl by any means and i do really well for my self at my age. Alot better then 90% of the people we both know. So i dont know if shes trying o hold on to me knowing i can provide a better life style for her and her baby or if she really loves me.

How do you deal with this?

why do i want to have a baby an start a family with her when theres so much that bothers me about the situation?

Do i want a baby with her to comfort me some how which could actually make things worse?

how do i deal with the father being there an them fighting on the phone once and a while?

should i go see a Doc to talk to could this help?

do i need to move on from this?

and If i really do need to move on.. how can i say this to her with out her getting mad or really hurting her?


im so hurt... any type of response to this will help.

brenda

I have three children, one that is under a year with my current husband, and two children over the ages 10 with my ex. I can understand your situation. I think that having a baby right now would only add to your stress, and having children shouldn't be taken lightly. You need to create a healthy home in your current situation before you expand your family. Do you and your GF have a house? do you both have steady jobs? Can you love and accept the baby she has right now as part of your responsibilty?

Your not just dating a girl, your dating a family, and when your involved in a childs life you should always handle the situation with care. This inniocent child didn't ask for her mom and dad to split, and to have you in her life. If you intend on staying with this girl forever, then you need to slowly become a part of their life. It must be hard for a child to understand why her mother is so close to, and spending so much time with someone she views pretty much as a stranger. The two of you should be spending time with her baby, and making sure that all three of you are able handle this new arrangement. You can't just pick up where you left off, she no longer a single girl, she's a mom first. The baby should be the first priority for both of you. You days should be filled with doing things for the child going to the park, for walks, out for ice cream, bowling, the zoo, and your nights are for the the two of you to reconnect, or perhaps get a sitter once a week and go on a date.

If you can't adhere to the idea of putting her baby first, taking on partial resposibilty, and waiting to have a child with her after you have spent some time creating a healthy home for your current situation, then you need to move on, and let the two of them find someone who can.

Roullette

We do not have a house.. and I do make good money which she does not.
and i do not know if i could love this child.. it would be 100% different if it was a Different girl.

i dont get a chance to reconnect at night cause her childs bed time is 10:30 to 11 pm.
its driving me insane but the love for the girl is sooo strong.

now if i decide to say i cant do this. is it goin to be hard for her to find a man to deal with a child?

she kept saying i guess ill be single till shes older no one wants to deal with a kid. Which that made me feel bad. i want her happy but at the same time i DO NOT want her to have another baby and be like she is now...

i didnt watch over her and this happend.. this is what it comes down to....

i think i need to talk to a shrink to deal with this. its more then just a girl i met... thanks for the reply

blackeyedsusan37

There is a reason that this relationship has not worked in the past. There is something that you two are overlooking.
About this child, grow up. Do you want to be the dad or not? Make your decision and stick to it. The child is innocent and did not mean to cause you pain.
Everyone has so many "buckets of love". Your "one true love" has enough buckets to go around. You have enough buckets.
One more thought, if she is your "one true love", why has it taken you so long, and so many others, to get where you are now? Do you really love her or do you love the idea of her?
DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISIONS THAT WILL HURT THAT BABY, IT IS NOT YOUR RIGHT TO DO SO.

Roullette

the reason why we didnt work out was because of my decisions. shes obsessed with me and i have been wit her. i have always messed up the relationship and she just keeps loving me no matter what. i was young and dumb and made bad decisions with her and now i have to pay for it dearly.

an if you read my 1st post.. im not out to hurt any child. Like i said if this was a child with a different women i would be fine.

This should be my child with her.. i just tried to have a child with her for the last week but its not happening this time. and i dont know if thats a good thing cause of what i asked in my 1st post

why do i want to have a baby an start a family with her when theres so much that bothers me about the situation?

Do i want a baby with her to comfort me some how which could actually make things worse?

how do i deal with the father being there an them fighting on the phone once and a while?

should i go see a Doc to talk to could this help?

do i need to move on from this?

the pain isnt from the child herself... and i do want to be the FATHER! but will never have that with the REAL father in the picture.

please dont post about concerns about the child thats not what this post is about and is not what is goin to happen.

but what blackeyedsusan said "do you lover her or do i love the idea of her" i think thats what im asking to kinda of figure out how do you know?