confused on how to react or what to do

confused24 · 07-07-2008, 09:36 AM

This is my first time doing this so im not really sure how it works. I recently proposed to my long time girlfriend of five years. i asked her in april. we had set the date for july 26th of this year. Last sunday she told me that she wanted to take a break. that she did not know what she wanted and she didnt know if her heart was in it. I asked if we were breaking up or just taking some time off she said she didnt want to break up just needed some time to figure things out and find herself. so im righting this to see if i should give her her space or try and show her how much i care about her and im at a complete loss at what to do. any advice would be very appreciative.

Thanks

Deejo · 07-07-2008, 12:33 PM

The circumstances you describe, are identical to my first engagement.

Friends described us as the 'poster children' for a happy, healthy, relationship. We were together for six years. Our engagements was 2 years, while she finished nursing school. I never had any doubts - until she pulled the plug six months out from our date.

Honestly, I don't think the statistics are favorable towards a reconciliation. Give her space. You need to convince yourself and her that the point of marriage is to enhance one another's life - not define it, limit, or restrict it.

I can say without hesitation, that event and it's aftermath was the most emotional pain that I have ever endured.

I would advise that you go to counseling, for yourself. It has incredible value as an emotional 'dump'.
Give your partner space. Take some yourself. Don't ask her questions for which there will never be answers that make reasonable sense, such as 'why is this happening?' It only leads to frustration and pain for the both of you. Do you live together?

confused24 · 07-07-2008, 06:57 PM

No we were in the process of moving in together and looking for a house. She has since moved into an apartment. its just hard to turn off my feelings after giving her all i had for five years. I know i could have done some things differently or better but

draconis · 07-08-2008, 10:55 AM

Let her have her space and let her figure out what she wants. It is better to know now then in a few years when you own things together and or have children together.

draconis