Space? Should I leave and break contact? Or continue what I'm doing?

hitrockbottom · 07-07-2008, 02:58 PM

I know I post a lot, I'm just highly confused. I read others post to try and gain some sort of understanding but I still have questions.

Its going on 2 months since my wife has worn her wedding rings.
1 month since my infidelity from 1yr 1/2 ago came out.

I have posted on Regaining Trust?

Here is where I stand now.
My wife is starting to come back to speaking terms with me.(she still clams up and only offers 1-2 word answers...about any topic, but is atleast talking to me and not completely avoiding me.)
We had a "dinner date" the other night. I cooked. No talking about issues just relaxing on the couch watching a movie and eating, then some light conversation.

We talked the other night though. She says that she still cannot trust me. That every time she sees me the pain from what I did still comes back.
I told her that I'm lonely and I miss her. I told her that I miss her friendship and companionship. Said that I miss the company of a woman.
She said sorry that she cannot give that to me right now. She said that we are seperated in her soul and mind. That our marriage license right now is just a piece of paper.

She still goes over to the guys house I think she has is having an EA with. She doesn't hide really as much. However everytime I invite her out and she says no, she turns around and tries to hang out with him.

I have confronted him, has about a 2hr conversation. He said that he will limit contact from his end. She still has to see him due to work issues but he will avoid the nightly contact as it was.

I am currently living in my basement. I still text my wife daily(actually alot) she ignores the text so I keep doing it...I don't know why, I guess cuz I was always used to do it.
I asked last night if I could sleep in the room, she avoided answering me directly and said sure that she will sleep in the basement instead...in other words she still wasn't comfortable with it.

I'm making progress in terms that she is talking to me. But I don't think I am bettering our situation as a couple. She still insist on saying that she is here as my friend only right now.

So where do I go from here?
I would do counseling if I had money. I'm not seeing anyone, I don't want to(besides its only been 2months).
I can't get her off my mind though. If she isn't around I want to talk to her. I'm so scared that one day I will come home and she will not be there. Or one day I will see her in the arms of another man. I also worry that she will fall completely out of love with me.
I don't feel that it takes her seeing another man to decide wether she wants to forgive me/work on our relationship. She should know it in her heart right?

hitrockbottom · 07-08-2008, 12:39 PM

Last Night...I said we need to talk. She came in the room about 30 minutes later, I was packing my bags. She asked where I was going?
I said my friends for a few days. I can't stay at the house and give you space at the same time. We tried either you get further away or I pester you.
When your ready to talk about how you feel then I'll back or you can call me up.
She looked shocked that I wasn't letting the situation go on how it was. I told her that I love her with all my heart. I said your friends call our marriage pathetic and not worth having, then there not good friends.

I promised her again that I have NEVER slept with anyone. I did fool around, and yes that is still bad, but I never had Sex with anyone since we have been together but you.

She asked then why does Friend "C" say you did. I said because she is mad at. She is pissed that we are in this position, and she is pissed about what we did to her brother.
I said I can give you the details babe if you want. I also said that I can tell you all of the things/situations that I got myself into.

I said Friend "C" was a mistake. It was a moment where I was weak, Angry, and throw alcohol into the mix. I told her that it was in no way her fault. That it is my responsibility to bear that weight.

I also said that I want to work on the marriage and that I am willing to do what ever it takes to heal things. We can even move to another city if that is what will help you heal. I told her our family, my nephews and her granny, mean every thing to me. I would hate to lose them. I told her that as a couple Her and I are unstoppable. I said look at what we have built when we worked together. It is all falling apart because we strayed.

We agreed not to see/date anyone until either we work this out or the Big D. I said I would check back in a week with her. I hugged her and I left...surprisingly I was able to hold back tears. I wanted so bad to pick up a bottle and get smashed but the last thing I promised her is that I wouldn't. If I can't keep that promise then what can I keep?

I feel like I did the right thing but I'm still so Afraid of loosing her.

draconis · 07-08-2008, 12:58 PM

Sometimes being apart makes the heart grow fonder. Sometimes it gives you a chance to reflect. I think that in your situation it might help to force a decission.

I wish you the best of luck.

draconis

hitrockbottom · 07-08-2008, 05:36 PM

It has only been a day and I miss her already..Should I call to say goodnight and goodmorning or should I let her make the first contact?

draconis · 07-11-2008, 02:01 AM

Let her make the first contact otherwise you will be seen as overbearing and controlling or at the very least clingy. Give it a week unless she contacts you.

draconis

827Aug · 07-11-2008, 07:26 AM

"Let her make the first contact otherwise you will be seen as overbearing and controlling or at the very least clingy."

I agree. That's also how my new counselor told me to approach the situation with my husband. Let her have a taste of life without you in it.