09-16-2010, 11:53 AM
Join Date: Sep 2010
| | Is he still attracted to me?
Hi everyone! I'm new to this forum and I hope to get some advice from someone outside my family and friends.
I'm 26 and have been married for almost 3 years. We met in 2003, moved in together in 2006, married in 2007, and had our beautiful daughter in 2009. So I feel that we gave ourselves plenty of time to get to know eachother before getting married. However, it seems as though my husband is not the guy he was when we first met. He's not the guy I fell in love with, the one I married and chose to start a family with. Don't get me wrong, I understand that people change, but I just don't understand this dramatic change. He used to "love" me and not be afraid to show it. I know he still loves me, but I feel like he's getting tired of me or something.
Everything I say or do makes him mad. I try to get close to him and show him affection, but he pushes me away and says he's tired. We have sex probably 2-3 times a month! That's both our faults since I'm not in the mood when he is and he's not in the mood when I am. Plus, we just barely started transitioning our daughter to sleeping in her crib instead of on the bed with us. I thought for sure now we're going to have more sex, but when I try cuddling with him and try to get him in the mood, again he pushes me away. When we do end up having sex, it's great! So we're good on that part, it's just the part of getting him to have sex that is complicated.
I like to think that maybe he really is just tired since he works long hours almost every day of the week, but something tells me that he's just not attracted to me anymore. I'll admit that I've gained some weight since giving birth and I don't always fix myself up like I used to. But slowly I'm starting to get back to my pre-pregnancy life. Several times I have fixed myself up to where I feel pretty and everyone else notices it, but he won't give me a single compliment. Is it asking for too much for my husband to notice me? To say a few nice words that will make me feel like he's still attracted to me? I literally have to ask him, "Do I look pretty babe?" "How do I look in this dress/outfit?" And his response is usually the same: "It's alright I guess."
I -on the other hand- am always complimenting him. I always tell him he looks handsome and sexy and he's like "yea yea yea whatever."
I honestly don't think he's cheating because I've tried looking for hints and clues and nothing leads to that. What's going on in this mind of his?
I also want to add that I think he's a bit selfish at times and gets mad over EVERYTHING that he finds "wrong" according to him. I mean literally, he got mad at me because my sister came to visit and parked on our driveway so he couldn't park well. He's the only one who seems to have a problem parking right. He gets mad because I help my sister take care of my nephew while she's at work. What's it to him? I'm not asking him to help me at all, plus he's at work when my nephew is here. He says that my Mom should be the one to babysit him, not me. Yes, he has confessed that he doesn't like my sister because of certain things she's done in her personal life- which are none of his business and have no effect on him or any of us at all, besides my nephew has nothing to do with it.
Anyway, there's much more that I haven't mentioned but this is a basic idea of what's going on.
Is this a "guy thing?" Could I be doing somthing more to better our relationship? I tried to tell him that we need marriage counseling but he says we don't. I'm so lost and confused.
Sorry for making this long and thanks in advance for any advice.