09-16-2010, 06:09 PM
Join Date: Aug 2010
| | Re: Needing advice
I'm so sorry to hear about your pain and troubles. It must be rough to always feel like you come second to your husband's hobbies.
I've been in your shoes as far as the negativity goes. I've spent the past few years being a miserable woman and taking it out on my husband and son. Angry all the time, irritable, exhausted, feeling like I didn't want to deal with anyone or anything. My misery stemmed from my job -- an abusive and hostile workplace situation that I felt trapped by. I finally heard myself after one angry fight with my husband and son one evening and decided I had to change. With my husband leaving on a business trip and my son away with friends most of that time, I was left alone to sort myself out. I read articles on anger management. I put my resume in order and started applying for new jobs. I got a haircut. I started jogging and eating healthy. I found my libido again -- after a very long time!
Sadly, my husband had also hit his breaking point. Like you, he felt neglected for so long, that at this time, he decided he didn't know if he wanted to be married to me anymore. We're now in counseling (only because insurance covers it or we couldn't afford it either) and are trying to work on our marriage. I don't know yet if he'll decide to stay, but I'm trying my best to prove myself to him.
While not your exact situation, please know that you have the ability to take control of your own happiness. You need to find ways to make yourself less negative, less angry. You have a right to be mad at him if he chooses his hobbies over you and the kids. But that anger can be a useful tool for change. Are there any hobbies of his that you can your kids can enjoy -- or perhaps tolerate? Maybe a way to bridge the gap a bit? Or maybe you can talk with you husband, now that he seems to be open to suggestions, about setting reasonable limits between his "man time" and his family time? Let him know that it's not you wanting to control him or his actions -- but that you and the kids need and want him in your lives?
I wish you well during this tough time!