General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Ive been married for almost 3 years to my wife and we have 2 young children. The problem is i'm not romantic, or so my wife says. I think I do everything right, I tell her how beautiful i think she is, thank her for everything she does for me, take off work if there is an appointment that taking the kids to is a hassle, I'll get dressed in the middle of the night, just to go get her a coke if she wants one. I really do think I'm a good husband. I just don't know how to make her feel "special" or how to make her feel like she is loved as much as I do. We go on dates, by ourselves, at least once a week, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to make it romantic, or not just a "date" but something special. Any help would be awesome...
1. Is this an abstract "I want to be more romantic?"
2. Or is this a "she is starving me of sex and her excuse is that I am not romantic"
Because if this is 2, I think you are in serious trouble. What I mean by that is almost all women TELL you what they want, when you aren't doing it. UNLESS they are simply making up excuses for why they don't desire you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by broadway
Ive been married for almost 3 years to my wife and we have 2 young children. The problem is i'm not romantic, or so my wife says. I think I do everything right, I tell her how beautiful i think she is, thank her for everything she does for me, take off work if there is an appointment that taking the kids to is a hassle, I'll get dressed in the middle of the night, just to go get her a coke if she wants one. I really do think I'm a good husband. I just don't know how to make her feel "special" or how to make her feel like she is loved as much as I do. We go on dates, by ourselves, at least once a week, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to make it romantic, or not just a "date" but something special. Any help would be awesome...
No, your woman is making it clear your are doing everything wrong.
Instead of serving your woman, try instead to behave as the man that deserves his woman to serve him. I bet you will be pleasantly surprised.
Next time she asks you for a coke, instead insist that she brings you a glass of wine, or a beer, then for her to get naked, and then tell her what you desire for her and to not backtalk but to get busy.
I'm deadly serious, your woman is practically begging you to step up and make her feel like her man is a king, and that she is not married to a servant.
Her statement to you was the expression of an opinion, not an indictment from God Almighty. Paraphrased, she's saying, "I'm bored, here's another hoop for you to jump through." There's not enough powder sugar in the world to blow up some women's backsides. It's taken me many years to come to this conclusion, but I'm going to have to agree with BBW on this one. I'm utterly convinced that you can't do enough, earn enough, work out enough, spend enough, to put a grin on a woman's face. Serving someone empowers them. Women want to feel protected and secure. If they're the boss, that makes them feel strong and you look weak. There's no security or protection for her in that arrangement.
Next time you're in a book store, wander down the romance novel aisle. Won't see any covers with depictions of housecleaning husbands or dutiful accountants. You'll see convicts, pirates, and outlaws. If such a man heard, "you're not romantic enough." What would be his reaction? Probably dump her on the side of the road and pick up three to replace her. Not suggesting you dump your wife, but that you consider asserting yourself more. It's cool to do nice things for her as long as they aren't demanded, always expected, or never appreciated. Make sure you expect and receive at least as much consideration from her.
Her statement to you was the expression of an opinion, not an indictment from God Almighty. Paraphrased, she's saying, "I'm bored, here's another hoop for you to jump through." There's not enough powder sugar in the world to blow up some women's backsides. It's taken me many years to come to this conclusion, but I'm going to have to agree with BBW on this one. I'm utterly convinced that you can't do enough, earn enough, work out enough, spend enough, to put a grin on a woman's face. Serving someone empowers them. Women want to feel protected and secure. If they're the boss, that makes them feel strong and you look weak. There's no security or protection for her in that arrangement.
Next time you're in a book store, wander down the romance novel aisle. Won't see any covers with depictions of housecleaning husbands or dutiful accountants. You'll see convicts, pirates, and outlaws. If such a man heard, "you're not romantic enough." What would be his reaction? Probably dump her on the side of the road and pick up three to replace her. Not suggesting you dump your wife, but that you consider asserting yourself more. It's cool to do nice things for her as long as they aren't demanded, always expected, or never appreciated. Make sure you expect and receive at least as much consideration from her.
Wow! I can't believe I'm relating to this...but I AM! My husband does a lot for me, and refuses to let me take care of him whatsoever (he is absurdly independent). My family and friends tell me how lucky I am, but I HATE it, and I've never been able to pinpoint exactly why. I think the bolded above is really genius, and spot on. I might have to email this to my hubby.
To the OP: You sound pretty great to me. Perhaps your wife has bought into the media-hyped stereotypes of romance and romantic love, which are really pretty unrealistic and unsustainable over the long haul. Ask her exactly what "romantic" looks like to her, and it wouldn't hurt to try to give her what she wants sometimes. If she doesn't know, then she sure as heck can't expect you to.
But don't forget to also tell her what "romantic" looks like to you. She has just as much responsibility to keep the romance alive as you do. I don't know why, but so many women think its the man's job. You deserve some effort from her, too.
Womens lib has it's place, but we are products of millions of years of evolution and a scant 30 years of trendiness and political correctness doesn't fundamentally change who we are. Women are gatherers, in their natural condition, dependant upon a strong male to provide provisions and protection for her and her offspring. It's an unnatural act for a man to not protect and provide for his family and it's an equally unnatural act for a woman to boss her man around. Roosters don't lay eggs and they and hens are ok with that. They each have their role and one can't survive without the other. If everyone stayed more or less in their biological lane, the world would function with much less frustration.
HELP. I'm not romantic... 
