General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Okay, this is going to be long..
My boyfriend and i have known each other for going on 11 years, we just recently became a couple about 7-8 months ago.. after a few months of dating we moved in with each other got engaged and what not but the only problem is.. he became abusive quickly after we moved in together.. i finally got the courage to leave him and started to put my life back together.. then a few days ago we decided to have another go at this.. only problem is.. the only reason why i said yes was because i am scared of what life has in store for me.. i have two young children.. my son 6 months old, and my nephew almost 13 months old. now i know that they will be 100% taken care of no matter what if i stay with him even if he becomes abusive again, which im assuming he will. he would never in a million years hurt them he loves them.. so i decided that i will just stick it out no matter what to make sure my children are taken care of.. i know that may not be the right thing to do but im not sure what to do.. im stuck in a really hard position and can not do this on my own at this point... at least i feel like i cant.. any advice?
The abuse only starts once someone is committed to the relationship, e.g. moving in together, engaged, married, etc. You have young children - do you really want them to see their mother/aunt abused? What affect do you think it will have on them? Believe me it's not going to be positive. At the moment he is not abusive towards the children, but he may do so.
Abuse tends to escalate. Mine started off as verbal abuse, moved onto throwing things and finally onto pushing, choking and bruises.
You should leave, and not wait for the next round of abuse.
The abuse only starts once someone is committed to the relationship, e.g. moving in together, engaged, married, etc. You have young children - do you really want them to see their mother/aunt abused? What affect do you think it will have on them? Believe me it's not going to be positive. At the moment he is not abusive towards the children, but he may do so.
Abuse tends to escalate. Mine started off as verbal abuse, moved onto throwing things and finally onto pushing, choking and bruises.
You should leave, and not wait for the next round of abuse.
Its really hard b/c im not exactly in a position that i can leave.. i cant really make it on my own right now.. and thats really sad to say but its like i either stay with him and things are ok with everyone except me or i leave and me and the boys are kinda screwed.. idk..
How about friends or family? There's also the option of women's refuge. Once you are out of the situation, you can find help to get on your feet. At least phone some local women's abuse lines, they'll help give advice.
How about friends or family? There's also the option of women's refuge. Once you are out of the situation, you can find help to get on your feet. At least phone some local women's abuse lines, they'll help give advice.
My family really isnt an option any more.. im kind of on my own with this.. and i could seek help but its soooo hard to honestly do.. idk why..i think im just scared to admit that i need help
You have to take that step, if you don't, you could end up with much bigger problems than you have now.
It takes a strong person to admit they need help and accept it.
I really hope you are that strong person.
yeah i mean, i know i wont be with him forever.. i dont want to be, like i love him... i think? but i know hes obviously not the one im just kind of afraid.. i have been a stay at home mom for awhile now so i dont have a way to support the boys which means i have to wait until i can save enough you know?
well all i have to say is that men could sense when a woman is only there because she cant leave for whatever reason, so u r in a bad position i hope whatever happens u dont stay for any longer because when he really senses that ur really using him for the kids for shelter or whatever else, he will get mad and since he is already abusive he will get even more abusive and ur kids dont deserve that at all, it could be really really hard for u but please dont let it get worst, think about ways that u could fix ur problems to get out and out fast hope everything works out for u and i hope u keep us posted .........................
I have never been a big supporter of govt. programs but your situation is exactly why they're needed. You have the means to "make it" you just need help in figuring out how. Go to freelegaladvice.com and ask some questions, find out what your options are. Call a local womens shelter, or creative housing, maybe the social security office, both the kids have fathers right? Don't ask for help, make them help! I respect you for wanting the best for the kids but being in an abusive environment isn't in their best interest. You want them to grow up thinking it's OK to abuse the people around us? Or to tolerate being abused? I would think not, as a parent you must always remember kids learn by example, they mimic what they see, so show respect for yourself and don't tolerate abuse. And if you think he will never hurt the kids you are probably wrong, he will hurt them just to hurt you and then make you feel as if it's all your fault.
The first step is always the hardest but you know you must take it. Be strong.
Abusive Boyfriend 
