UPDATE- HUSBAND UP and LEFT

dscowgirl · 07-10-2008, 10:33 AM

the other day.. I did tell him I took myself out of my shoes and put them in his to actually see how he felt on alot of issue. I told him that I actually feel that our time apart has been a good thing. If there was any chance of both of us agreeing to make an attempt for mending I know I could make it better from my side. He straight up said he knows it wouldn't work, and no he hadn't put himself in my shoes. He isn't willing right now. He's running here and there running low on money and self esteme. I did try and lift him up when we talked but told him he has to look inside himself. He says there is hate and anger inside. He has pushed all friends and family away. He knows what they are saying is right.

Today- He called me accusing of me cheating...Told him my promise to myself of what happen with my ex in the past was the past. His guilt is getting to him. I confronted him with the fact on now having a girl friend and even though he left is still isn't right. He is still married. Told him he needs to be honest with himself and me no matter what way this goes. He has now finally said we need to talk. I think he is going to confess. What now? I want to text him to say have a nice day since I don't want the anger. Can I text him...

swedish · 07-10-2008, 11:30 AM

I don't see anything wrong with sending a positive text to him. I think the main thing is that he does want to talk and you now have a little time to pre-think that conversation. What if he does confess? I would think about what you plan to do and say because while you want to have an open, calm talk you also need to figure out what your boundaries are during this separation and be prepared to follow through. If you tell him you do not want to be Plan B if things don't work out with her or whatever you decide to say, try not to get angry if he seems as if he doesn't care. You cannot force him to keep his vows but you can make him fully aware of what you will and will not stand for, separated or not. Stay strong and take care.

dscowgirl · 07-10-2008, 11:46 AM

Thanks..with all the pain and hurt I want his honesty. I really want it to work out. I have dealt with this before and I know its a LONG HARD ROAD.(ex-husband) Yet it was over come. He has seen this in the past. His family has a history of this. YET thru it all his mom and dad made it till the end. His dad passed nearly a year ago. He did say the other night he missed me sometimes. He did miss the house and the kids and the horses. He is seeming to wake up a little. He said you know me , its day to day. He is on his own roller coaster. He said "he knows he an A$$ and maybe he will come to his senses one day...WHO knows." I do know he loves me and he said he doesn't hate me. Alot of people have been telling me to be a "B" and do this and that to keep the upper hand. It's so childish. If he is playing a game I just don't want to. He has seen how bold I have gotten and that I am not going to let him run me over like I used to. That's one of the reasons why I sent the text earlier, to show him that I want peace. Not fighting. UGHHH I miss him. I told him that when he told me. There were no tears, I know the guys shut off with the uncontrolable tears.

trying2cope · 07-10-2008, 12:05 PM

Good for you for staying strong. It sounds like my husband is on the same roller coaster your husband is on. You would think they would get sick of riding it. I think the problem with getting off of it is that then they have to make a decision.

Good luck with your talk.

draconis · 07-10-2008, 12:40 PM

I wish you the best.

I know that confidence is one thing that I love about my wife. You seem to have that strong inner light too. It serves you well.

draconis