I'm so tired of being upset at hubby....he's so selfish sometimes, I'm at stay at mom, my days are filled with kids and housework, he works, comes home and does what he wants, he only helps when wants something. He takes advantage of situations, example a few weeks ago my grandpa had emergency surgery, I had to leave for hospital before hubby got home from work, so I dropped kids off at in-laws, well we he got off work, instead of going to his parents house, picking up the kids & bringing them home to take care of them (baths, dinner, entertaining, etc) he decides to go out to eat & have some beer with the guys from work!!!!!!!!! He does this all the time! He never steps up to take care of OUR kids on the rare times I can't! I don't have a problem with him hanging out with the guys, I understand he needs 'male bonding' time, but on days when he decides to go after work have a beer, it would be fine, if he went and had 1 or 2 then came home, but he's gone for hours, usually drinking more than he should! Are kids are 7 & 2, we've been married 9 years, together 11. He didn't used to be this selfish and the past few years have been really hard. He's become so self involved with what he wants, he never thinks about anyone but himself. We are a one income family, our budget is very tight, for me it's worth the sacrifice to be with my kids, so we can't take extravagant vacations, new cars, etc, I get to be with my kids. He has a problem with spending (charging) money we don't have, then when things get really tight, he acts like he doesn't understand how it got that way!!!!! I'm sorry, I know I'm on a rant, but I just don't know what else to do, I'm so tired of being angry, sad, upset, etc. I'm afraid it's getting to the point it's so old, i just don't care anymore....
any advice, we've had numerous conversations about our relationship and how it's deteariorated over the past few years and how can we fix it, well we do good for a while, then he thinks it just goes away and he stops making the efforts.
How about if you write down everything you do for the household, including driving carpools, paying bills, etc. Then write down his responsibilities, be fair, include any yardwork etc. Then show him and ask him to make corrections. Maybe he will then see all that you do. Tell him you need to have a break, and also the two of you need a night together. Take advantage of babysitting time and tell him that you want the two of you to go out once a week if possible, doesn't have to be expensive, could be a walk in the park. Not only are you not getting a break yourself (and I know a SAHM is a full time job) but you have no time together, you are losing connection and pretty soon you may fall out of love. I hope this helps!
I'm also tired of getting upset. I'm a husband with a bad Wife though but can lay out a long list worth of complaints, some very similar to yours.
My Wife works like I do (same hours, medium stress desk jobs) I do all the cooking, save a rare moment when she helps out with starting the rice or cooks what she knows (Pancakes) for me.
She tried slipping into the bad habit of coming home taking over the TV with her Soap Channel stuff, and ignoring our little boy
1 1/2 year old, while I try to cook and watch him. I quickly brought up my dislike of the situation, the way it was deteriorating into something that I will simply not accept and her generally poor attitude all around. We fought about it for a while off and on, well she fought about it, I just made my case and stood my ground.
Now, a few months later, she comes home and doesn't automatically change the living room TV without asking if I'm watching it, she tries to keep our baby out of the kitchen when I'm cooking with oil, she doesn't yell at him when he's trying to play and she's watching a re-run of 90210 or when trying to put him down for a nap. All points that I chose to address and persist about months ago, all the fights are finally paying off.
Your husband working all day while you are at home, no matter how taxing being a SAHM may be, may be a reason for his wanting to and thinking he has the right to be a bum.
The fact that you are at home able to watch trash TV and Soaps and not out actively making money for your bills also may have your husband thinking that he is somehow owed and has the right to do nothing when home.
Breaking down all your and your husbands contributions to the house hold might not be a bad idea. Just be as fair and honest when making the list and have your discussion points ready before addressing any issue with your husband. This will save on undue arguing and overall time till acceptance and eventual progress.
Remind him how important having a family (you and the kids) is to him, it's easy to loose sight of what really matters in life, while busy working to pay bills and mortgages.
Do not however use withholding of sex or the threat of divorce as a tool in achieving your goals. You have to reach his heart in order to achieve real and long lasting changes.
Tired of getting upset
