Why isn't my boyfriend interested in sex?
Well, here we go. First post! This might be a bit long, sorry. Just want to put all the facts out there...
Alright, I'm an 18 year old female, have been with my 21 year old boyfriend for three and a half years, and have lived with him for one year. We lost our virginity to each other 6 months into our relationship, and frequently had sex. But over the last year and a bit, this has diminished. On average, we probably had sex once a week, twice if I'm lucky, and often go several weeks without. I am always the one to initiate it, and am usually pushed away, which really upsets me. Whenever he claims to have initiated it, it is always when I first initiate it, am rejected and get upset, so he then does it or tries to, just to keep me happy. I don't want pity sex. I want to be wanted.
He never acts interested during foreplay, and usually lies there, seemingly bored while he kisses or touches me. For a long time he has refused to kiss me with tongue, because he says he doesn't like it (and claims it has nothing to do with me being a bad kisser). But strangely, he almost always gives me head (I never ask for it). When we do have sex it is always good, I ALWAYS orgasm (and so does he...and no, I'm not faking), and I always make sure he knows I enjoyed it.
My boyfriend doesn't drink at all, he has only ever drunk water (crazy...I know). He doesn't take drugs, doesn't smoke, and frequently works out (he does wrestling). He is very fussy with food and only really eats very basic things; meat, rice, cereal, bread. He has issues with back pain, but they have never affected our sex life. He hasn't had a job aside from three lots of contract work in the entire time we have been together, which has caused some problems (I have never supported him financially) but nothing too serious. He has self image issues, and always complains that his muscles are too small and that he looks ****, but I always make sure he knows I think he is gorgeous. Same thing goes with sex, I always make sure he knows how fantastic he is in bed and that I am 100% satisfied, because I am! I just want MORE because I enjoy it so much, I don't think that is a bad thing.
Although I don't find myself attractive and am constantly unhappy with my appearance, many people tell me I am attractive. I am often chatted up by other guys, and am nice in return but do not flirt back. I tell him about any instance in which a guy makes a pass, or says something to me of that nature. Guys tell him that we make a great couple, that I am a catch and that he is lucky in front of me. I often point out attractive guys and ask him what he thinks, but I do the same thing with attractive girls. He has never seemed to have a problem with this.
I used to complain and get angry about our lack of sex, but stopped a long while ago straight after he told me it upset him. Since, I have tried to approach it in different ways, such as how his disinterest makes me feel, and telling him what I would like him to do in order for me to feel better about it, but to no avail. He has said that me talking about it makes him feel like **** and less of a man, which I completely understand, but then what am I supposed to do? Not talk about it at all and feel like less of a woman, and quietly suffer with my own feelings of being insecure and unhappy in the relationship?
I am just at a loss as to why is isn't interested in me sexually, and what to do about it. Last time I tried talking about it, we almost broke up. I love him, and I know he loves me. He isn't cheating on me...He isn't gay... So is it that he thinks he can do better? Is bored with me? I've tried everything...but nothing works. All I want is for him to look at me, grab me, and WANT to do me.
That's everything I can think of to say....So....What do you think? I am very appreciative if you actually bothered to take the time to read all that...Haha. Just wanted to get the facts out there.
Last edited by Ella09; 10-03-2010 at 04:02 PM.