Ham987

I don’t know where to start or how to ask for help
But here goes we have been married for 17 years, Stacey is turning 40 and I’m 46.
We have raised my two children they are 25 and 23 and my daughter is still living with us
I have always loved and cherished my wife she has been the glue that has made our lives work so well she has shown me so many new things in this world. She has made me a better man in so many ways I and I like to think I have made her stronger too
We seldom fight and have been very open with ideas and our feelings
I have not had the easiest jobs to live with in the past I have had far too much stress from work and have brought this home to my family. I have always tried to provide the best for them no matter what the toll was on me but I never admitted there was a toll on them to until Now. Stacey has also worked hard first by attending college while working and raising a family then by traveling to Europe alone multiple times a year for work . She works in Sales and this in its self can be a daily grind of rejection and lack of support from the Co. she is employed by
Things at her job have gotten very bad and I have ask her to quit several times because I don’t think the money is worth the pain she is put thru every day and the rejection she feels.
My job has not been so bad for the last few years I have take a different position and there is not as much stress on my now

Last year Stacy was diagnosed with breast cancer, this was a very scary time for us
But things have turned out the best that we could have hoped for she was able to have a lumpectomy and all looks well. She was strong and had a great attitude as she held up to the radiation treatment every day she is presently on tammoxfin daily for the next few years

This spring things seamed to change she had become very distance or distracted
Only with in the last month has she been open with me
She said she is not happy and feels empty inside or with out and feelings
She said that loves me but again doesn’t know if she wants to be with me
She said she feels alone and that she has been alone for a while

I don’t know where this is coming from I have been there for her all along
We have traveled the world together and raised a loving family. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t shown her I love her and told her.

I love her more than the day a married her
We talk yesterday and she has agreed to talk to a doctor find counseling for us

I don’t known how I could have missed this happing
How do I make her love me again?
Greg

trying2cope

I am going through the same thing with my spouse right now. Unfortunately, you can't "make" anyone love you again. You need to be patient and give her some space. I agree that counseling is a good place to start. Not to put a label on it, but is sounds like she is going through a bit of a mid-life crisis. I recommend reading up on them. The more you understand them, the more you will understand how your wife feels. From what I have read they can be triggered by "life events" such has cancer.

samfalters2

Greg,

Its heart wrenching to read your story. All I can do is suggest that counciling is your best option at the moment. Obviously you love your wife but I'm not sure you can make someone love you, as hard as it for me to admit that as well.

Ham987

I dont want to cry here but
Im so lost and cant think of anythink but her and our life
that has been so good

I cant belive this is real some times i think that it must be a bad dream
she has been looking for a doctor and made contact today
but I dont know if Im fooling my self to think i can save it
funny you work so hard every day to get ahead and move your family forward and when it all comes down to I would give up everything just to go back and fix this
thanks for listening

Greg

Mrs. Negestie

I do agree that maybe you should give her some space. Because she is going thur alot and be there but also give space she might want u to move on becasue she feels as if she is dying inside and doesntt want you to be hurt

AZMOMOFTWO

Greg,

I have heard that major illnesses, even those that are conquered cause depression. When you are depressed its hard to feel anything. In that case counseling may help her. I am experiencing something similar, I thought I was there for my husband and he said for a couple of years he felt something missing, that special something we had is not there. I analyzed this and determined to come up with the reason realized that I had focused on my career to the point of neglecting him. His business slowed down and I was in a position to take on more clients. The business slowing was also highly stressful for him and could possibly go under due to the economy. Then it turned around, he got busy, too busy and that too was stressful. I thought I was supporting him taking off the stress but it was the little things that he missed. He'd want to go to bed early but I was too busy working late at night, he'd buy me little gifts and I'd distractly say thanks. I thought I was doing the best thing for my family and I missed out on so much. I can't say I did anything wrong...financially its what was needed but there are a few times I could have said to heck with it and dropped everything. I missed several camping trips, but its the daily connection. Things are turning around now and its been a lot of work but I am a better person now, one thing that helped me to learn what to do and how to reconnect is Mort Fertel's program Marriage Problem Solving Program Producst & Services another good one is Dr. Ellen (advertises on this site see banner). I would suggest you look in to these and learn how to reconnect, make her fall in love with you again. Good luck.