Hello. I am hoping for some advice. My husband and I have been married for 8 years & we have 2 little ones. Recently he mentioned that he needed to change his cell plan because he was texting for work so much. I didn't think much of it until I saw our account and realized were paying nearly double the plan rate on his cell bill due to individual text rates. After looking at the numbers he was texting, most were to one number. Because it was a fairly new number on his bill (last 2 months) I called and the voice mail was for his female co-worker, someone I have never heard of. In the last 10 days he has 130 texts, 120 of those are with her. I haven't asked him about it because I don't want to make a big deal if it really is just business, but it definitely has me wondering. We had an incident about 3 years ago where I found out he had been talking and texting his ex girlfriend behind my back so it took awhile to earn that trust back. Maybe I am overly sensitive because of that issue and it's really not a big deal. I just don't want to be naive.
So,my question is: Women, do your husband's (or men, do you) text female co-workers and is it strictly business? Thanks in advance for your responses.
Guess it depends on his job and it depends on the content of the text messages. I'm a police sergeant and my guys (and gals) text me and each other all night. It's all just business. These younger workers just seem to prefer to text. I don't get it, myself, but that's the way they communicate and I've had to adjust to their style. It would be a little strange if she's the only one getting so many texts from him or if he's found the need to delete only her texts from his phone. It's normal for patrolmen to communicate a lot. 130 texts in 10 days wouldn't be surprising. My job doesn't require that I talk to the HR director or the office secretary very often, so 130 texts from my phone to either of them would be a little suspicious.
My husband does text a lot for his job, especially when there's on ORE on base (which calls for longer hours and accountability every day). It sorta bothered me a minute when we first relocated to Tucson that he texted his NCOIC a lot, who is a female. But it turns out that they knew each other in Tech School and were playing catch up. But I trust my husband, and I know that his phone (just like my phone) is an open book.
He works for a software company and has done the same job there for the last 4 years, maybe an occasional text, but nothing like this. He is at a computer in his office most of the day obviously with a company phone, email and IM which is why I don't understand all the texts. As far as hours go, it's mostly during the day, but there have been after hours/weekend texts as well, although I never see him texting.
Thank you everyone for your input. I am not going to say anything, but I will watch it and check his phone if it continues at this rate. I really don't want to be that woman, but if I see it's all innocent I won't worry about it.
Have a friend leave 200 text a day on your phone and then leave it out for H to find, and see what your H feels about that.
Then call the friend and have him or her tell your H to quit texting so much.
I doubt that will happen, so tell H your having a affair and you want him to leave for the week end. He will jump at the chance so now your really screwed. maybe not, try it!
At any rate you marriages needs a tune up NOW, go to a hotel this weekend and have sex, treat him like a king.
That will give him something to text OW. maybe sneak in a pic of the both of you, on his phone and send it to OW.
Know I'm getting out of control here, good luck and trust me be "that women" your marriage depends on it. Just do it smart and quitly, then make your move when they least expect it, if you have to.
He had communicated with his ex behind your back in the past, now it sounds as if perhaps he planned these "work related" excuses ahead of time. While excessive texting in itself should be no real cause for suspicion, the fact that 90% of it is with this one woman would definitely be cause for alarm with me, especially given his past.
There is a script here and it starts with excessive texting.
Go into the "coping with infidelity" form(on this site) and they all start the same way, and by the 5th or 6th page there is a full blown affair.
Thanks again everyone. I am starting to feel that pit in my stomach, but still hoping it turns out to be nothing. When I confronted him about his ex he only offered bits and pieces of information. It took me digging into his phone records and our bank statement to match places and dates and be able to call him on it. He doesn't know that I have access to his online records - it just happens to be the one he uses for everything else so I got lucky. My point is, I feel it's better for me to act like all is fine and do my "detective work" in the background. Again I am really hoping it's nothing, but if it turns out to be then at least I will have proof.
I can not say definitly that something is wrong,but I definitly would keep an eye on his business if I were you. Such as I would make a chance check his messages( when he is sleeping, or in the shower). Before I knew everything, I wouldn't be able to sound sleep. I have the right to know what's going on as your wife if I smell something different.
Thanks again for everyone's input. I was able to get on his phone and check some texts. Reading a few of them I thought for sure it was an affair... "I'm on my way"... "I'm here"... but after reading a specific text I realized it wasn't. This woman wasn't a co-worker at all, she was his sister's friend and she was selling him prescription drugs. In that moment I was so relieved to know that he wasn't cheating on me, but a whole new flood of emotions and thoughts came to me. I am confused and unsure of what will come of our marriage now. Hopefully there is an addiction forum on here that could be helpful.
I have to admit, with my feelings about my wifes job, I have indeed 'checked' up on her as far as texting/calls go.
I have found that she has 3 numbers of her work on there, her immediate boss, one of the owners/partners and our friend/partner. She has also texted them quite a bit. To my relief, guilt and embarassment, all numbers match from the bill to her phone and at least all the texts are work related and all calls during business hours. Other wise, I would have a problem with it.