How long to wait for proposal?
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Old 10-09-2010, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How long to wait for proposal?

For starters, when my boyfriend and I began dating 4.5 years ago, I didn't want to get married ever. We almost broke up because marriage is very important -- in the long run -- to my boyfriend. Then I kind of got over it and figured I'd get married someday and if he was the right guy for me, then we'd be married.

4.5 years later and I'm a bit older (27) and waiting for him to pop the question. It's not that I need to get married tomorrow, but I'd like to be married before I'm 30 so I have have a year or two as a married couple before attempting to have kids. And suddenly all of that is really, really soon.

I know the reason he doesn't want to propose (or I think I do) -- I'm much further along in my career right now and he wants to go to grad school next year and at least finish his masters before he thinks about actually getting married. Which is actually fine by me, I am just worried that in two years, sometime in grad school, he'll decide to move on. And I'll be already at 29 or 30 and have to go back to square one, leaving me rushed to find a husband and have kids in my 30s, which I don't want to do.

I don't think that would happen, but I'd really like him to propose now so at least we have that promise on the table, if a promise would mean anything. I know he's committed to me, he's the sweetest guy in the world and loves me more than I can comprehend. I love him a lot too. But I just wish he would propose so I don't have to be so worried.

What do you all think? Should I wait or is it getting to the point where I need to move on? I keep watching The Millionaire Matchmaker and if the advice on that is right I should have been gone years ago... my bf is definitely not a "hunter."
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Old 10-09-2010, 12:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

If you were the one who didnt want to get married in the start of the relationship then it sounds like he just tried to follow suit.
Perhaps you should have an open discussion about marriage and express that you are curious about how he feels about the issue. Allow him to do the talking and see what he has to say. Its ok to tell him that youre feeling your clock a little and wouldnt mind if he made you an "honest woman" - sounds corny but my husband respected that conversation we had. We were the joking type so after dating for 4 years I said "crap or get off the pot already!" I didnt know but he had been plotting popping the Q for an entire year and drove around with the frikn ring in his trunk! He took my wedding cracks and hints for a year!!! LOL!
If you know in your heart you love each other - ask yourself if its enough to wait a little more for. People are waiting longer these days so dont feel like youre left behind! but do voice your concern and desire to actually commit one day to each other! maybe hes waiting for the right moment and enough means to get u a special ring - who knows! keep being your sweet self and keeping him in love! =)
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

I completely agree with lovelieswithin - talk to him about your feelings! One thing I've learned over the years is that you never completely know what your man is feeling and why. A lot of times it will surprise you.
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Old 10-12-2010, 11:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

Quote:
Originally Posted by playingbyheart View Post
I am just worried that in two years, sometime in grad school, he'll decide to move on. And I'll be already at 29 or 30 and have to go back to square one, leaving me rushed to find a husband and have kids in my 30s, which I don't want to do.

But I just wish he would propose so I don't have to be so worried.
this is a little concerning. it sounds like you are saying you want to marry him because you think he's going to leave. it doesnt really sound like you love him, you just have a goal of being married with kids by a certain age, he's there so why not. that's not right.

i think you have some other issues to work out before trying to force someone into securing the fantasy you've conjured up. marriage doesnt make your life any more secure. it certainly is not going to make that worry go away.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

have you asked him about it or discussed it at all any time recently, or was the last discussion 4 yrs ago?

if he thought you dont want to get married, maybe he is waiting for you to say your ready?

I wasnt sure how much open discussion there was about it, or if it was something that was only discussed years ago..?

a couple thoughts--

i am 'old school'-- if thats what it is...i really believe a relationship IS made more secure by marriage, just by the fact that by marrying the person you demonstrate the level your willing and want to take it to.
in my opinion boyfriend/girlfriend is a level before marriage, the proposal should come anytime within 6 months-2 years...after the 2 year mark, the odds drop down as to the guy actually ending up marrying you

so if you and him havent discussed it anytime recently, i woudl say its past time to do so. ALmost 5 yrs is way too long to be bf/gf (imo)

Last edited by Ladybugs; 10-13-2010 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 10-13-2010, 02:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

another important thought i had, is I know some people say they want to wait til they finish a degree, get better job, etc etc etc. I dont think thats a real reason not to marry someone-- the most important thing in the wedding/ marriage is the other person you love. Finances, school etc cant compare to that.

when you care about something/ someone, you want to secure it. You dont leave your money laying out on your front doorstep, you put it in the bank..you dont if you have kids just let them run wild, you protect them, etc. So marrying the person you love shows you really value them and do not want to lose them to circumstances, time, or other stuff that can come up

if you continue to wait and wait for school, money, etc you two could end up losing the other. You might get resentful, it leads to fighting, or some other circumstance. After a year or two together, if both people love and want to spend their life with that person, its taking a risk by waiting
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Old 04-13-2011, 04:12 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How long to wait for proposal?

I realized that you shouldn't have to wait forever to get married. If it doesn't happen then I wouldn't expect it to happen. I waited 8 years and our relationship was almost exhausted and he popped the question! I jumped because I too wanted to be married before 30 and now we are split up.
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