General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
'Selfless' Genes Attract Mates, Psychologists Find
ScienceDaily (Oct. 14, 2010) — There is genetic evidence that selfless or altruistic behaviour may have evolved because it was one of the qualities our ancestors looked for in a mate.
Perhaps being a nice guy gets you not only grief but kids and we all know why sex feels so good. I've got two great kids who are more than paying me back for years of love and caring.
After the experiences of this past day and week I am distantly echoing Candide, having found a critical document only because I am helping a friend out. Sometimes good deeds are rewarded.
The article's summary is on sciencedaily.com, the full reference
British Psychological Society (BPS) (2010, October 14). 'Selfless' genes attract mates, psychologists find. ScienceDaily. Retrieved October 14, 2010, from
It's an interesting article. Thanks for sharing. However, I feel the article is a little short-sighted. Although that is not odd from scientists who are searching for the evidence to validate the hypothesis that the grant they were given money to fulfill. I say this, because I see people, in general, as being more selfish today, not less. I yearn for the day when I knew my neighbors and they would pop by to say hi and bring food when somene was ill. I miss our family doctor, who cared for multiple generations of my family, and came running in the middle of the night to save my life. I cried when I was called that he had passed. He was like family and yet our doctor. I wish my doctor today felt like that.
So tell me, think too much, because I haven't read your whole profile, only ran across a few of your responses, do you really think people are more selfless today? Maybe you feel yourself hurt by someone who is selfish and you think that you were too nice and that is why. I think that of myself sometimes. I try to treat others the way I would like to be treated as I was taught, but often I find people view "nice" as a rug to walk on. Do you really feel people are more selfless today? If you do, would you introduce me to them? I don't know many.
People are more selfish now, that's why there are more unhappy marriages and unhappy people.
When we give, I know we expect reciprocation. But the best way to encourage us to be more giving is not to have any expectation, then we won't be disappointed if we don't receive. We won't feel hurt if we don't receive.
But people in general, they will reciprocate, maybe not in the way you want, but they are happy for what you have done for them, they know it, they will reciprocate in their way.
For my case, both of my husband and I are giving people, so it makes our marriage easy. We both give and receive. We both try very hard to understand each other's needs.
With my family, I have been the one who is giving after I was 17. I feel bad that they don't call me or send me emails, the only way I comfort myself is: 1, I fulfill my responsibility as being a daughter, I should give my parents a better life now they are old and sick. 2, my brother and sister, they are always happy to receive my phone calls and visits, they want to listen to my voice, they miss my phone calls, when I visit them, they are happy to see me.
My friends, I have stopped attending meetings in an religious organization, all of my acquaintances are there. When everything was still fine, I know I had been a generous person, there is nothing they can complain about me. They miss me.
For all the forums I go to, I have always been giving, I try to bring smiles to people, I write funny stuff and try to make people laugh.
Now if I go back and check my message box, I often receive messages asking me to go back there often and post positive articles.
Maybe it is in my nature to give.
I am happy about TAM because I see a lot of people who are self-sacrificing here. I see a team on TAM. It makes this forum more appealing to me!
It's an interesting article. Thanks for sharing. However, I feel the article is a little short-sighted. Although that is not odd from scientists who are searching for the evidence to validate the hypothesis that the grant they were given money to fulfill. I say this, because I see people, in general, as being more selfish today, not less. I yearn for the day when I knew my neighbors and they would pop by to say hi and bring food when somene was ill. I miss our family doctor, who cared for multiple generations of my family, and came running in the middle of the night to save my life. I cried when I was called that he had passed. He was like family and yet our doctor. I wish my doctor today felt like that.
So tell me, think too much, because I haven't read your whole profile, only ran across a few of your responses, do you really think people are more selfless today? Maybe you feel yourself hurt by someone who is selfish and you think that you were too nice and that is why. I think that of myself sometimes. I try to treat others the way I would like to be treated as I was taught, but often I find people view "nice" as a rug to walk on. Do you really feel people are more selfless today? If you do, would you introduce me to them? I don't know many.
People are more selfish now, that's why there are more unhappy marriages and unhappy people.
When we give, I know we expect reciprocation. But the best way to encourage us to be more giving is not to have any expectation, then we won't be disappointed if we don't receive. We won't feel hurt if we don't receive.
But people in general, they will reciprocate, maybe not in the way you want, but they are happy for what you have done for them, they know it, they will reciprocate in their way.
For my case, both of my husband and I are giving people, so it makes our marriage easy. We both give and receive. We both try very hard to understand each other's needs.
With my family, I have been the one who is giving after I was 17. I feel bad that they don't call me or send me emails, the only way I comfort myself is: 1, I fulfill my responsibility as being a daughter, I should give my parents a better life now they are old and sick. 2, my brother and sister, they are always happy to receive my phone calls and visits, they want to listen to my voice, they miss my phone calls, when I visit them, they are happy to see me.
My friends, I have stopped attending meetings in an religious organization, all of my acquaintances are there. When everything was still fine, I know I had been a generous person, there is nothing they can complain about me. They miss me.
For all the forums I go to, I have always been giving, I try to bring smiles to people, I write funny stuff and try to make people laugh.
Now if I go back and check my message box, I often receive messages asking me to go back there often and post positive articles.
Maybe it is in my nature to give.
I am happy about TAM because I see a lot of people who are self-sacrificing here. I see a team on TAM. It makes this forum more appealing to me!
I agree pearl. I have given here at TAM; because I believe in marriages and I feel some genuine good people here who need some help. I know that people learn lessons everywhere, so if they gain from our input of past bad experiences and current good ones, then all the better. Even if I feel that there are too many selfish people out there, I help all the best I can equally and if one happens to be enlightened or change because of my selfless gift, then all the better. I see your posts too and thanks for sharing. I learn from you just as I share with others. Keep on trying; you reached me; so you know you reached others. You cannot give with an expectation, you can only give from the heat.
Selfless' Genes Attract Mates 
