Just an update...not good.
Last night was a birthday party for one of our friends. I decided to go after I got off of work. I have a second job waiting tables. (George had come home around 415 and said he had a job about 45 minutes away but needed gas money. So, I gave him $20 and my daughter let him borrow $20). He was suppose to come home and feed the kids dinner after he was done. Well, he used the money to go drinking with his friend. When I got to the get together, he was already there and half lit. I sat and had a few beers and was getting ready to go home. His friend, the one he runs to when we fight who is just miserable, started going off on me for no reason. I was sitting by myself and Vince just started yelling at me. He called me the "C" word, told me my marriage was over, told me I was a psychopath. Said my daughter was a *****, she is 16 and my son was monster and a mistake. George had said he didnt know what he wanted to do. He wasnt ready yet to make a decision. Because he said this, I had hope. Anyway, another one of George's friends jumped in and told me I would be better off dead and that no one liked me and that everyone was George's friend and not mine. Ouch.
Now, I am sitting here trying to decide what to do. I am looking at apartments and houses and storage units and jobs. Is this what I should do or should I continue to wait it out and look like a fool?
UNREAL.. it sounds like he has been telling them some things without you knowing. They had no right to do this to you. It is not their place or their business. I think you need to sit down and try and talk to your husband and find out why this would have happened. Ask him why they would attack you in such a way and without anger tell him that if things are that bad then it can be over. I am so sorry they did this to you and I completely understand feeling horrible. Whatever you do dont lose yourself in the process. Stay strong
With friends like those, who needs enemies! That hurts! You don't deserve such treatment--no one does. And what did your husband do when his friends were speaking to you like that?
His friends would not be saying those things if he hadn't said practically the same things to them himself. They are merely voicing his opinions for him. You should be able to tell him what his friends said and he should defend you and slam them for saying such things. If he doesn't...
I'm sorry to say it, but this might be one of those situations where you need to step away. That they would say such things about you and your kids is simply atrocious. I rarely give an opinion in favor of just letting go without putting everything into trying all you can, and I'm not saying this is necessarily one of those cases, but whatever you do, don't just wait for him to come around. Move on, starting building YOUR life, do things that make YOU happy and stop relying on him for anything. If he decides he's made a huge mistake and wants to come back, at least you're in a place where that is YOUR choice to make, not his.
I repeat, his friends are likely not saying anything he hasn't said to them, and about your kids, no less. Is that what you want to be around? Hope for the best, hope he straightens out, there's nothing wrong with that, but take steps and start living your life as if he won't.
Damn..I feel for you on what his friends have said to you. Yeah they were out of place. My wifes friends have said about those same things to me. My wife chooses to stay nuetral in the matter.
Her friends however are to much of cowards to say these things to my face they say them in letters and emails.
I would agree with blue creek. Ignore it, leave it alone and do something for your self. I was once told that friends opinions of you are based on what they hear from your spouse...
In my situation I choose to ignore it. I haven't had to put out the ultimatum yet but sounds like your close to having to say me or them, or atleast don't bring them around
He just sat there and let them. When I talked to him on the phone today, he said it was because our friend had just been killed and he was not paying attention.
He is talking to me today.
My parents have said they will forgive a $3000 loan if he will agree to go to therapy and not escape on weekends to Vince's. Should I approach my husband with this?
There's no excuse for people saying the kinds of things that were said to you (especially in a social setting). Although we all share personal details with close friends, we would never want them to "broadcast" them. That's what bothers me about your husband. He just sat there and did nothing to put a muzzle on the friends' mouths.
That's a nice offer your parents are making. I'm not sure if it will work. How does your husband get along with your parents? Do you think he will resent their offer and see it as meddling? Counseling is definately needed here. However, it's tough to get folks to change friends. I'm going thru that with my husband. His behavior changes for the worse when he hangs out with his brother. I don't even bring that up with him; it will cause more anger and resentment. I'm not sure how one gets a spouse to change friends.
It keeps getting worse
