This is a long short but i will give it a go. I have been married 17yrs and have 2 teenagers. I no longer love my husband and would like us to go our separate ways. My husband loves me very much, he is a good man and is devastated I feel this way. As far as my husband is concerned a marriage is for life and I am being unreasonable. He says he will do anything to save his marriage but as far as I am concerned i dont think it can be saved. Our biggest problem is we are financial better off together. We are constantly trying to make ends meet, through my own fault, I spent to make myself happy. Our only way out would be to sell our house and rent. I would like to know what options there are for us. What do you do when you are no longer in love with your spouse. Will I be this unhappy for the rest of my life. How do I make my husband come to terms with the way I feel. I can see my life ticking away in a very unhappy marriage.
although a short email. you make the point u want out.
but can u not change.
can you not make your marriage a happy one, reverse the situation.
you said one thing that struck me in your mail.
"you dont think it can be saved"
if you'd have said it cant b saved. i would have thought of your mail differently.
but you said think - so my suggestion is have a rethink.
what do you think your marraige is really lacking.
but if u really want out - then you should just go. u have to think for yourself, not for him - a cruel to be kind scenario.
You have lost yourself over the years. You fell into the rut of marriage and instead of facing it head on you just let it build. It took 17 years to become this unhappy and it wont change overnight, but you have to find the things that make you happy. 17 years is a long time to just give up and not even try. There is always ways to save your marriage if you are willing and want to try. Dont let money issues stand in the way of compaionship. I agree with Justean and you need to rethink and reevaluate your situation and find a better way.
Thanks for your reply chaps. I will refrase my words. I no longer want to be in this marriage. I honestly want to go my own way. I am sure I sound selfish but the love my husband needs I cannot give him. I just is not within me. Every year you just hope you feel a little different but no, no different at all. I beg him to hear me but to no avail. We just plod on every day. I just want to be by mysef. The bedroom is a non event its been like that for about 5 years. I dont ache for him not even for another man. Like i said i just want to be by myself, just me and my girls. I am tired of appologising for how I feel. I know I sound so ungrateful but I just cannot help how I feel. I dont love him it would be so much easier if I did. We cannot carry on like this anymore its not fair on my husband.
I think before you call it quits you need to look at what makes you unhappy and see if you can fix it within the realm of your marriage. Is it because he lacks communication? Have the two of you stopped "dating"? Are you depressed?
These are important questions to ask yourself before you throw in the towel. Love and even that new relationship spark can happen in what seems like a dead relationship.
I implore you to give it a try, at least that way if you still feel that way six months from now when you decide to leave the marriage atleast you will have the knowledge you tried.
Hiya. Can I just say that I have not just started feeling this way. I have been feeling this way for years. I am talking about around 10years. Every year I say try again. Every year I hope things will change. every year I hope I feel different towards my husband. every year I hope for happiness for my husband and I. Every year I ask myself can you find it within yourself to love him. Every year, every year, every year. It is now 17yrs down the line, another year into our lives. I hang on for another year i will be 47yrs, another year I will be 48yrs, another year 49yrs, can you see where I am going with this? Your advice do make alot of sense because that is the sort of advice I would give. Unfortunately when you reach my age happiness becomes very important.
Well, I don't know that there is very much to say in the end. I think you do believe you've tried everything and you've already decided it's over and you're finished. I'm not intending to sound condescending, I assure you. I merely mean that you have stated your intentions unequivocally and with no wiggle room. You're not here for advice on how to improve your marriage or what you might do to resurrect what you once felt for your husband (though I would disagree with you on this one point, there are ways to fall in love with a spouse again, no matter how much has been lost. It takes effort, commitment, and imagination, but it is always possible.)
But, again, that is not why you are here. So, strictly answering your question of what you can do about your husband. Nothing.
Seriously, you and he are in two completely different emotional places. You basically want nothing more to do with him, and he would give anything to keep you together. In the same way there is nothing your husband can do to change how you feel, there is nothing you can do to change how he feels. Nothing you can say or do will make leaving your husband any easier on him or make the pain of being in love for decades with someone who does not reciprocate any easier.
if you really feel like that, after re-phrasing your words, then u already know what to do. your answering your own questions, which is a really good thing. because your showing the positive u , not the negative you.
i hope it works out, whatever you decide. not n e one road is an easy one. but you can get yourself back on track. that will just come with time.
Thank you all for your input. Its so comforting to know people like you are out there. Sometimes you sit here by yourself with all sort of things churning in your head. Its good hearing other peoples ideas. You know what the practical thing is to do but it is not always what is in your heart. It is very interesting communicating with you all. Thank You.
I want to part
100% you already gave up before you asked the question so you wont avoid the hurt you will cause him.
