partyof5

My wife and I have lost our former spouses to cancer. Although we have experienced the hardest thing anyone will ever go through, we have found each other and starting life as if there is no tomorrow.

We are totally open with each but there is this one thing that I can't get out of my head.

My wife was a year and a bit since she lost her late spouse and approximately 2 months before we met. She was lonely and I guess could not resists "skin" hunger. She had an afternoon of what I call "animal" sex with no strings attached with her daughters best friend father (who was divorced)! She said she never cared for the man or was attracted to him but he was at the right place at the right time.

She says she is very happy and has never been so much in love.
I believe and trust her completely but just can't shake that moment from my thoughts.

Any thoughts?

swedish

I'm glad you found each other as it sounds as though you have a very loving marriage.

I guess I don't understand why this bothers you so much...is it because you see this man and it brings up the thought or does it make you think badly of your wife that she had a one time fling?

My thought is that she probably went through a very difficult and sad time in the years prior (as did you I'm sure) and having someone right there pouring the attention on her at a time where she felt like she could use some coming her way. In light of the circumstances and what she has said about it, I don't think it reflects anything negative about her, in fact this could easily have been a skeleton left in the closet and she decided to be totally up front with you, so I'd be glad to know my spouse was so honest and forthcoming.

BlueCreek

If you know that is not something you would have ever done, especially so close after losing your own wife, it may be hard for you to accept that she did it. It sounds like part of it is that, and part if sounds like while she told you she had a crazy night obviously she would never go into sordid detail and now you're stuck picturing in your mind all that might have happened and it's proving difficult to shake that.

I have a few questions, if you don't mind my asking. First, have you had a few no-holds-barred crazy nights with her yet? If not, maybe feel her out for interest in making your own memorable and sinful nights to focus on instead, that would at least offset any jealously you might have about her being more adventurous or wild with someone else than she has been with you. Second, when did she tell you this? Has it been days, weeks, or months. Everything is heightened in the beginning, and time alone may be enough to help you move past this. Lastly, do you see this other guy now and then, and does it spark the imagery?

Just keep in mind, for most women emotional attachment means everything when it comes to sex or any physical intimacy. So what if something like that happened? Not one chance in a million that it meant anything even remotely near to her than what a simple kiss from you means.

Remember that you are a lucky lucky man, and focus on the wonderful couple the both of you make and the experiences you have together. Don't let this one thing affect your life. It might be hard to get the images out of your mind, but you really have to. Now, if it really, really bugs you and you can't stop thinking about it, you will need to address it to her. Not in a blameful way, but in a way that allows you to address the issue together and find a solution that helps you put this behind you and get him out of your mind. But that really is a last resort if everything else fails, because you have to admit it's a bit unfair to bring up something that happened before you and that occurred during a brief moment in time when she was dealing with a lot of extremely powerful emotions.

If you are lucky enough to find love again after losing so much, and find it in a woman who is open and honest and just as in love as you are, you will have to find a way to just let this go. Really, you have far too much to lose, and far too much to be grateful for to let this bother you. Every time those thoughts come unbidden, force yourself to think about how you are the one with her now and sharing emotions and experiences with her that mean a million times more to her than one stupid night that happened months before you met and one she probably wishes never even happened in the first place. Seriously, if she could take it back to make your comfortable and erase all those memories from you both, that should be all you need right there.

Missy

Dont sweat the small stuff. It happened before you met and most likely was something she did as a test to herself of some kind. Dont relive it, that was then this is now and you are both happy and that is one thing to truly be grateful for.

__________________
Missy~
www.tripleaytche.com

partyof5

Thanks for the helpful responses.

I guess, the main problem is dealing with my own insecurities.

We have had many memorable and sinful nights together but I can't help think if that one time fling BEFORE WE MET was more intense than we have had together.

I did have a conversation about this with her and has told me repeatedly that what happened pales in comparison to when we are together. She has told me that I have taken her to places that NO ONE has done before.

I'm just being silly with this whole thing and need to put a stop to it before it gets out of control.

Dancing Nancie

I think you know that the intimacy you two share is much more important than the one time thing. Don't put much thought into what happened before you guys met. It will only pull you from the joy of the present.

BlueCreek

That's it right there then. She said it pales in comparison, that's all you need to know to get past it. Believe her, trust her, and puff up your chest and be proud!