07-21-2008, 05:33 PM
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Southern California
| | Re: Opinions appreciated - Thanks in advance
If you know that is not something you would have ever done, especially so close after losing your own wife, it may be hard for you to accept that she did it. It sounds like part of it is that, and part if sounds like while she told you she had a crazy night obviously she would never go into sordid detail and now you're stuck picturing in your mind all that might have happened and it's proving difficult to shake that.
I have a few questions, if you don't mind my asking. First, have you had a few no-holds-barred crazy nights with her yet? If not, maybe feel her out for interest in making your own memorable and sinful nights to focus on instead, that would at least offset any jealously you might have about her being more adventurous or wild with someone else than she has been with you. Second, when did she tell you this? Has it been days, weeks, or months. Everything is heightened in the beginning, and time alone may be enough to help you move past this. Lastly, do you see this other guy now and then, and does it spark the imagery?
Just keep in mind, for most women emotional attachment means everything when it comes to sex or any physical intimacy. So what if something like that happened? Not one chance in a million that it meant anything even remotely near to her than what a simple kiss from you means.
Remember that you are a lucky lucky man, and focus on the wonderful couple the both of you make and the experiences you have together. Don't let this one thing affect your life. It might be hard to get the images out of your mind, but you really have to. Now, if it really, really bugs you and you can't stop thinking about it, you will need to address it to her. Not in a blameful way, but in a way that allows you to address the issue together and find a solution that helps you put this behind you and get him out of your mind. But that really is a last resort if everything else fails, because you have to admit it's a bit unfair to bring up something that happened before you and that occurred during a brief moment in time when she was dealing with a lot of extremely powerful emotions.
If you are lucky enough to find love again after losing so much, and find it in a woman who is open and honest and just as in love as you are, you will have to find a way to just let this go. Really, you have far too much to lose, and far too much to be grateful for to let this bother you. Every time those thoughts come unbidden, force yourself to think about how you are the one with her now and sharing emotions and experiences with her that mean a million times more to her than one stupid night that happened months before you met and one she probably wishes never even happened in the first place. Seriously, if she could take it back to make your comfortable and erase all those memories from you both, that should be all you need right there.