Join Date: May 2008
Location: Southern California
Re: Having problems with married life..
As was already pointed out, this is no a small problem. The most important person in both of your lives should be your spouse. When that doesn't happen, resentment isn't far behind. It is something you should start working on right now. If you are feeling low and neglected, that is a big deal. You are now is innermost family, if there is any disparity at all, it should flow your way, not theirs.
You'll hear people say "communication" over and over, and for a good reason. We make assumptions our spouses understand certain things, or connect the dots the same we do, but that's often not the case. Make sure he understands exactly how it makes you feel, and exactly what needs to change for you to be comfortable with disparity between how he treats you versus his family.
I know you worry that he might just think you're asking him to chose between you and his family, even though that's not what you intend. So, I think the first thing you should do is make sure he knows you don't feel threatened by him wanting to spend time with his family, that you understand the importance and admire that in him. If he understands you don't have a problem with his relationship to his family, he should hopefully be more open to understanding that you just need to be treated the same (and hopefully even better.)
Think of all the things he does for his family that he doesn't do to you, but instead of drawing negative comparisons for him (which he'll see as "nagging",) just tell him about all those things and how great it is that he does them all for his family and you just want to feel the same sort of support and care.
As for activities, you should definitely try working together with him on ideas you are both interested in, instead of focusing on that what he doesn't want to do. It's good for each of you to do something with your spouse even if the other doesn't care for it, it shows strong love and support, but it's actually pretty easy to find plenty of common interests when you try. Now if he keeps saying no to everything, that's something a bit else.