10-20-2010, 04:11 PM
Join Date: Jun 2008
| | Young Marriage Problems
We both dated for 6 months then got married at 21. have been married for 2.5 years now. We are both only a few days apart in age. It seems like our relationship goes low and high so many times every day.
I have improved in so many different ways to make our marriage better and make my husband happier as well. Although I have been happily doing things to better our relationship, it seems like my husband isn't even trying with things he said he would. He tries sometimes then stops and gets nowhere.
He said lets do counseling, I got us the info and shared with him now he doesn't care. We've had good conversations to talk about what is wrong and how to improve and he is all happy and enthusiastic about it but then again in a day or two that is gone.
Our sex life has gone downhill too. We were both pretty good with it at first but now I always am in the mood and he never is saying hes tired or after last night of having sex he is tired the next day. I truly feel its more mental than anything and he isn't tired to play video games or browse the net every night but when it comes to sex most of the times he is. Some days he does try and gets in the mode but I am not in the mode and he says ima get you in the mode. I keep telling him i'm really not in the mode yet he keeps going and going and never listens. I end up faking it many times to please him. Then other times I'll initiate it and hes just completely ignores what i'm doing and doesn't say anything and falls asleep. I make a big deal out of it and he says sorry just not in the mode. I tell him to tell me that next time instead of just straight up ignoring me.
He always asks me what does he do to make me happy. I always tell him all the great things he does, even though many need improvement. He says its emotionally hard for him going up and down the marriage road. I know its not easy for me but i make the best out of it. He says he knows i am doing everything right to make our marriage better and that he knows he is doing nothing about it. That he feels he can never live up to my expectations and feels like he has no shots.
I feel that he is very immature and much like a kid. If I tell him turn the TV off he always says I dont know how to do it with the control can you do it? I feel like I am the man in the relationship and he is the women. He helps with laundry and dishes and all, but i always cook, clean and do the handy man tasks that involve me to get hands on wether its something to do with the car, drilling, constructing the furniture etc. He says its not his thing. I tell him its not my thing either but I have to get things done since he wont. Then times when he does do things, he always half asses everything. For example on one of the lights it has many bright settings. I told him turn it off before you go to bed. I got up a few minutes later to get water from the kitchen and to my surprise he left the light on the dimmest one. He said sorry I don't know how to work the light switch. He does not try to learn and never checks to make sure he does things. Instead he either asks me to always do it or half asses everything expecting me to think he did the job right ( most things are little simple thing like the light switch, imagine with more complicated things )
I'm tired of being the man in the relationship, and changing myself for the better of our relationship ( I don't mind changing because its for the best) But i just truly am getting less and less happier with our marriage and he always gives me the answer of im tired, he doesnt know what he wants, and he doesnt think he can meet my expectations. I don't have any expectations, just want him to make me happy and me make him happy but want him to try and not half ass everything.
I don't even know what kind of help I need or what I can really even do anymore. I tell him about this forum and he says that he won't learn or get anything out of random people posting, that he wants to do counseling, but when i get info on it he doesn't care anymore.
Any advice / help would be greatly appreciated as I really don't know what else to do and don't want to loose my husband but he is no longer trying / making me happy anymore and I am busting my ass off buying him things, doing what he wants, changing for the better of our marriage and I'm not getting anything in return. ( Not that I want anything in return but at least want to be happy)