Ex-wife and her rebound marriage
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Old 10-21-2010, 12:00 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

How sick must my BPD ex-wife be to be engaged in a month after our divorce and the same amount of time been seeing him? Rebound Marriage, right? These things donít last... do they? Itís just cruel!
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Old 10-21-2010, 06:05 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

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How sick must my BPD ex-wife be to be engaged in a month after our divorce and the same amount of time been seeing him? Rebound Marriage, right? These things donít last... do they? Itís just cruel!
Do you think the other guy knows that she has BPD? As one who finds himself on the receiving end, its my biggest fear if my wife and I were to divorce. My philosophy, and I know it would be warped, would be that if she treats me like she loves me very quickly, then its possibly BPD.

Not sure if its your duty to let the guy know, or even if it would be taken as anything other than you being vindictive.

And yes, I belong to a group for those married to a BPD spouse, and what you describe is common.
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Old 10-21-2010, 07:21 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

Makes NO sense to me. Marriage is like suicide. You can always do it tomorrow. I will never understand why people rush in. I don't know a lot about BPD. It must do funky things to judgment.
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Old 10-21-2010, 08:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

It sounds like it would be a rebound, but you never know. I wouldn't get involved though. He'll think you're just trying to cause problems, which will only bring them closer together.
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Old 10-21-2010, 03:51 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

Maybe she really regrets divorcing you, and she's desperate to fill that hole.
And on a bit of a humorous note-if she marries him, she can't hit you up for spousal support three years down the road!
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Old 10-22-2010, 07:06 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

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How sick must my BPD ex-wife be to be engaged in a month after our divorce and the same amount of time been seeing him? Rebound Marriage, right? These things donít last... do they? Itís just cruel!
Jaykay,

I'm confused - who is she being cruel to? You? New H? I'd offer him my congratulations and condolences, he is on a trip to h***, preceded by a very sweet honeymoon. In a year I'd send him a link to a BPD site, he will find it interesting reading.

I don't want to make light of divorce, but, like others here, having an BPD ex-spouse I think you should consider yourself lucky now that you are divorced and she is remarried.

Will her new marriage last? Not your problem, if you are paying alimony they might end as a result, though if you were married for many years and she was granted rehabilitative alimony they might last longer. This varies from state to state, ask your attorney. Here's a link to NJ's
Alimony and You: Perfect Together? | divorcenet.com

The only advice I can offer is go very slow in finding your next relationship.

Mark
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:32 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

Why does she make it so openly for me to notice her engagement? This is torture to me. I try to ignore but it is like she makes sure I notice about her love life and that is why I asked my original question.

I picked up her car a week ago (she signed it back over to me because it broke and she cant afford to buy or repair it - conditions in our divorce agreement). I use to support her anti-depression pills, expensive anti-pregnancy pills and a whole bunch of diet supplements, now she cant afford it so she simply dropped all, including the anti-depressants which is not a good idea right, especially 20mg Lexamil.

I saw her for the 1st time in a month.. she gained a tremendous amount of weight, dirty hear, old ripped cloths, living in a bad/cheap neighborhood, really looking bad, sad, depressed and poor and not the wife I use to have. She owns designer clothing, why look like this? I don't know if she purposely trying to show me how she suffers financially. It looks like it. I didn't force her to sign the car back to me, she did it on her own but the moment I had it hooked up she shouted to me "Are you happy now, you have taken everything from me!" and ran into her flat slamming the door so hard, it sounded like a explosion. I had to go after her to fetch the spare keys. I knocked, she opened, crying and complaining the washing machine is broken. I just took the keys and left.

Listen, yea, I left her with nothing.. that's what she gets for cheating on me numerous times and I have one of the best lawyers in town to where she had no one representing her and she just signed all the divorce documents without reading or contesting.

Anyway, it was her choice to leave me, was not my decision... I initiated the divorce to get it over with. She wanted to stay separated till end of the year but I was not game for that just so she can legally screw around while married to me.
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

It is rare from where I am from that Alimony is awarded unless the spouse can prove that they are incapable of earning a living as they have been a house-spouse/parent since the inception of the marriage and have no visible means of support.

Alimony is usually agreed by the couple for a set period and taken into account with the settlement agreement.

She did not bother, once through the court, its all over and no more negotiating.
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Old 10-22-2010, 06:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Makes NO sense to me. Marriage is like suicide. You can always do it tomorrow. I will never understand why people rush in. I don't know a lot about BPD. It must do funky things to judgment.
Its often said that sufferers of BPD cannot see gray areas. It's black or white. Untreated, they can meet a new person and think of them as a true angel, the perfect mate. The past partner will become a very bad person in their mind, who made their life miserable. Also, there is a severe fear of abandonment, and some will go through any length not to be alone. My wife's psychiatrist said that numerous successive marriages are not uncommon.
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Old 10-23-2010, 04:34 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

Agree with last post, but you needn't be BPD to go thru the good guy/bad guy syndrome. But I have to admit, about time I see a guy get away with his ba**s intact! LOL!!!
Yes, I think she does regret the divorce, if not for you, she realizes she f-ed up by signing it all away without reading first. Now she's trying to tell you, and eventually, anyone who will listen, that you're the bad guy who tricked her into it, without mentioning, of course, that she f-ed up!
But something is nagging at me. Is she REALLY engaged? Where I come from (I have a feeling you aren't U.S.), men pray for the day their exes re-marry, it means they're off the hook! But I just have this feeling that there is no other man, she is just trying to hurt you in any way she can.
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Old 03-06-2011, 01:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Well, it’s been some time and alot of water has passed under this bridge. She broke NC 1st week of November last year after ignoring her for about 6 weeks, wanting things from me. Somehow, she was desperately trying to see me personally. I told her to f**k off and leave me alone during phone and email but the message did not seem too stick, she had to see me. So 3 weeks after the 1st contact I popped around at her flat, thinking I will through it to her face and make myself clear. Probably wrong of me, but at that time I felt I had no choice. Anyway, her dad told me she got pregnant by this "roommate". He was devastated and we shared a close bond, he felt for some reason obligated to talk to me. That day I saw her I asked her if this pregancy was true but she denied it full on until I told her her dad told me. I could see the lightning bold shot down her spine. She told me she did not want me know. I told her then what I want her to bud out of my life, she asked me do I think so low of people, I responded, I only think that low of her. She jumped hysterically out of my truck, broke my side mirror off and ran screening to her flat. 2 days later she announced her marriage, two days after that she got married. This is now 4 months back and all very quiet. I am free, the conflict is over or so I hope. I could not care less what happens to her, as long as she does not reappear. Well, I guess with BPD you never know. At her age of 25, been engaged 4 times, married 3 times, 2 kids from 2 different men. What a life...

Last edited by jaykay007; 03-06-2011 at 01:32 PM.
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Old 03-06-2011, 01:49 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

All is well that ends well.

Last edited by Camper; 03-06-2011 at 02:02 PM.
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Old 03-07-2011, 04:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

At least you got out alive!
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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..with both my balls intact
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Old 03-27-2011, 02:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Ex-wife and her rebound marriage

4 months NC and she text me today wanting things... wtf? I iginored offcause. Thought she's happily married?
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