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Old 10-26-2010, 02:26 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

Have you tried telling him how these things make you feel?

"When you look at other women the way i see you looking at them, it makes me feel unattractive/worthless"

"When you don't come to bed at night, i feel lonely and unloved"

As for what some have said about the sleeping pills, and such...what do the expect? You get treated like trash and get no attention from your husband, it only makes sense that you would want some from SOMEONE.

Long comment short, TALK to him. Make him understand how you feel. Move on from there based on his reaction.
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Old 10-26-2010, 05:46 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

You know your man always enjoys checking out other women even before you get married, don't you? So now you have to love your choice.
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Old 02-18-2013, 11:06 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Smile Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

I understand that people are always going to notice attractive women/men but I believe it is disrespectful to check someone out while you are in the presence of your significant other.It`s a matter of being considerate (respectful) to his/her feelings. If you love that person you will appreciate them and want them to feel like they are above all others...no matter where you are or who else is with you. If you find it elevating, or in some way gratifying to tear someone down by disrespecting their feelings than obviously you do not love them but you love yourself. The bottom line is some men/women are well mannered (have class) and others are not. My advice to you is to stop beating yourself up and learn to love and accept yourself for the special, unique woman that you are. If your spouse makes you feel bad do something to make yourself feel good. Maybe you should spend a little more time by yourself doing what you enjoy too. All people have beauty (many just hide it ) and you do as well. Buy yourself a new outfit in your best color, get your hair done (maybe try a new style). Don`t be afraid to show the world (and yourself) your beauty (in a tasteful manner). Be good to yourself as well as your loved ones.
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Old 07-04-2013, 03:44 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

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Guys, should I worry that my husband keeps looking at other women? I am an attractive women in her mid 40s but look much younger. We were married about 3 years. I don't have kids.

I understand its okay to look every once in a while. but when I am with my husband and he sees an attractive girl in her 20s or 30s (he is 50), he can't help but look not once but over and over again so that the girl knows he is checking her out. Of course I feel like s__t.

I use to feel insecure because I gained a little weight and he always criticized the way I dressed. I remember once I wore an expensive jacket and shirt he bought for me that he thought I would look great in. I wore it out to dinner. While we were at the bar (it was new years eve) there was a young red head in a simply skimpy but tasteful top and jeans. He kept glancing at her over and over. She noticed and so did her date. I felt 2 inches small. I couldn't wait to leave.

It is really embarrassing when I am out with his friends. They notice him looking because they look to see what he is looking at and then they look a bit uncomfortable. Of course he always denies he is looking.

I recently lost weight and look better than I've looked in years. Now that I am thinner I dress differently and he never complains, even compliments how I look. I don't dress anymore for HIM, I dress for myself. Other men find me attractive. STILL, he continues to look at other women, and I am continuously reminded that I am not his type because the women he looks at don't look like me.

If an attractive woman (a waitress) gives him extra attention or eye contact he clearly enjoys it. He is shy and wouldn't try to talk a girl up but if she is responsive and talkative, who knows? He said he would NEVER cheat that it is not in his makeup. His ex girlfriend of many years cheated on him with many guys. Many of his friends knew.

To make matters worst, he stopped wearing his wedding band at least a year now. He wore it on and off, but he has gained so much weight that it doesn't fit. I tell him I will get it resized but he says he doesn't like wearing rings.

Even though we are recently married, I feel our connection slowly slipping. I work very hard to do things together. He seems less interested in working on making the relationship better. I live in his house and he works and I don't so he feels he can do whatever he wants.

When I was married before we had a much different relationship. We did everything together even after 10 years. It seems my husband likes his space. That's fine, but give him an inch and he takes a mile. Now we are miles apart and he stares at other women.
we are not trying to make you feel bad at all,about anything. something came into our line of sight that got our attention. it could be of rare beauty, a ray of sun shine,a day brightener. we are in no way trying to feed your insecurities. YOU COULD USE A DAY BRIGHTENER..
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Old 07-05-2013, 11:40 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

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There goes that feeling again. I think I need another sleeping pill.
I suggest IC to deal with your depression and self medication and/or since you are a "church lady", develop your relationship with God and Christian friends for comfort and support instead of escaping into sleeping pills.

That you are taking sleeping pills in the daytime is a huge red flag. Please get help. Please.
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Old 07-05-2013, 11:47 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

My dog chases squirrels. It doesn't mean he doesn't like the food I give him and it doesn't mean he's hungry. It doesn't mean he's likely to ever actually catch one or that he would know what to do with one if he did. It means he's a dog and he is wired to hunt. When a guy takes an unusual notice in a woman, it means he's a guy and that he apparently can still see. That's all it means.
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

The obsessive looking means he doesn't respect you. The denial about what he is obviously doing means he is uncooperative in communication and has no interest in changing how he is hurting you.

I work from home and in five years have gone out with zero people other than my wife. Working from home doesn't justify going out with other people. In some marriages, spouses do spend time with other friends, but there is more going on here. Sleeping on the couch and refusing to come to bed when you ask - going to his computer instead... all these are signs he has checked out of the relationship.

You have to put your foot down and give the ultimatum that he needs to start addressing the marriage problems or you will move on. Counseling perhaps, but even with counseling he has to start being honest about what he is doing. It takes two to make a relationship work, and if he isn't pulling his weight then you have to cut the rope.
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Old 07-05-2013, 02:51 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

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My dog chases squirrels. It doesn't mean he doesn't like the food I give him and it doesn't mean he's hungry. It doesn't mean he's likely to ever actually catch one or that he would know what to do with one if he did. It means he's a dog and he is wired to hunt. When a guy takes an unusual notice in a woman, it means he's a guy and that he apparently can still see. That's all it means.
By this logic, men are also "wired" to sleep with lots of women. Should we just ignore that too? Yes, men look at women. Guess what? Women look at men too. That doesn't give you a free pass to outright stare at someone while you are with your spouse. That's just rude.

OP - You guys sound like you have a lot of other problems in your marriage. I catch my H checking out women every once in a while but I usually make a joke of it and move on. He treats me with respect, love and total adoration most of the time so it doesn't bother me much. I'm secure in my marriage. This particular issue just seems like the tip of the iceberg for you. You husband doesn't seem to respect you in general, which is the real problem.
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Old 07-05-2013, 02:59 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

Just an FYI, the OP has not been on the site for over a year, and this thread is almost three years old, so I doubt the OP is needing any more advice Still an interesting read with some decent insight.
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Old 07-05-2013, 03:40 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

although its an old thread, this issue always comes up.

I think staring at other women [ or men] when you are out with your spouse is plain disrespectful.
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Old 09-29-2013, 02:00 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

Yes, this topic always come up. In my opinion, it is plain rude and disrespectful for anyone to look at someone, especially when they are with their significant other. My husband did it while I was pregnant. Still did it even after I had our kid.

He recently wanted to post a picture of some news girl up so he can show it off to his friends. I told him it was rude and insulting to me. He couldn't understand why I would say that? So, he called me insecure. So to make my point, I posted to the picture up myself and said now everyone including your mother can see it. Let them be the judge of you. That worked like a charm. I guess the only thing that bothers me and I cannot seem to shake is the fact that he seriously thought it was ok to put pictures of girls that he thought are hot up on the wall to show them off to his friends? Jerk I say.

I should let it go but it is very difficult to do. I guess I have always wanted someone who would love me like I am the most beautiful person in the world even if I am not.
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:48 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

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Yes, this topic always come up. In my opinion, it is plain rude and disrespectful for anyone to look at someone, especially when they are with their significant other. My husband did it while I was pregnant. Still did it even after I had our kid.

He recently wanted to post a picture of some news girl up so he can show it off to his friends. I told him it was rude and insulting to me. He couldn't understand why I would say that? So, he called me insecure. So to make my point, I posted to the picture up myself and said now everyone including your mother can see it. Let them be the judge of you. That worked like a charm. I guess the only thing that bothers me and I cannot seem to shake is the fact that he seriously thought it was ok to put pictures of girls that he thought are hot up on the wall to show them off to his friends? Jerk I say.

I should let it go but it is very difficult to do. I guess I have always wanted someone who would love me like I am the most beautiful person in the world even if I am not.
Your right about your h's actions. It's rude and disrespectful. I'd feel the same as you. My ex h always had wandering eyes and had photos of other women, but he's a serial cheater too. I wasn't okay with it or the lack of disrespect towards me, so I left. I had a family member post photos of other women other then his wife online and he ended up getting another woman pregnant. If I were you, I'd be looking out for cheating. I'm not saying your h is cheating, but this is a sign/red flag that should not be ignored.

The only way you'll let this go is if he starts to improve himself showing you respect. You can't expect him to change or become a better man. He will only do this on his own if he sees it as a problem. His actions would make just about any woman insecure. It's down right disrespectful.

I completely understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I left my ex h and we also had a baby shortly before I left. I did remarry the right man for me a few years after my divorce.
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:17 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

I am sorry to hear your sentiments but some men don't show it to their women becoz they respect their woman. THere are just guys like your hubby who can't stop his wandering eyes to be so obvious in front of you. My boyfriend would not only look but say "Damn look at her boobs or Dang her butt is hanging out" "Who has the sexiest but from those group of wome out there?" I get so mad and I would start a fight because I expect a real man to behave with great pride that they have the most beautiful girl beside them.

Talk to him more that it bothers you. Right now, my boyfriend is secretly looking without comments and I like it that way. Let us admit that there are really beautiful women out there and I started to realize that inside of me telling "Heck Im thinnier that that B" I play positive things in my mind words that will help me control my anger hehehe Like i look at the woman and find flaws about her LOL

don't worry! you are now his wife
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Old 09-29-2013, 07:24 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband always looking at other women - guys what does this mean??

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Originally Posted by justonelife View Post
By this logic, men are also "wired" to sleep with lots of women. Should we just ignore that too? Yes, men look at women. Guess what? Women look at men too. That doesn't give you a free pass to outright stare at someone while you are with your spouse. That's just rude.

OP - You guys sound like you have a lot of other problems in your marriage. I catch my H checking out women every once in a while but I usually make a joke of it and move on. He treats me with respect, love and total adoration most of the time so it doesn't bother me much. I'm secure in my marriage. This particular issue just seems like the tip of the iceberg for you. You husband doesn't seem to respect you in general, which is the real problem.
Men are "wired" mentally and we are physically designed to have sex with as many women as possible. Most of us refrain from doing so because it's terribly expensive, frowned on by society, and it's a great way to get killed. One can't stop a natural instinct but a man decides what he does with his eyes, hands, and genitals.
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