AZMOMOFTWO

I don't know if this is hopeless and if its not, I have no idea what to do...my husband tells me that he loves me but its not the same and he is unhappy. Do I make you unhappy? His answer "well no but you don't make me happy". What would make you happy I asked, a separation, divorce, moving out, dating, he says he doesn't know. When I ask him does he want to work on the marriage he said honestly right now no. I'm too drained. I asked if he wanted to move out, no, ok how about me, no. I kind of think that's due to fear of change not necessarily wanting to be married. So I said do you want to save the marriage and he said 60% no / 40% yes. Something died in me tonight. Right now I am feeling like I deserve more than that so maybe its time to move on. If he says he doesn't want to work on the marriage then what? He says he doesn't want to exist the way we are now, so no action at all will mean things as they are now. I even suggested that for a month, we not discuss these issues and live for the moment. I got no answer on that one. So how can you do nothing, I mean even nothing is doing something. Its 4am and I haven't slept or ate all day, so I am not sure how long I can do this .... We sleep in the same bed still .. I think I am now starting to fall out of love or is that just going numb to protect myself. My oldest child has picked up on this and she has asked questions so the emotional support is all on me. She writes me notes, I share them with my husband and I don't even know if he cares. I think he does but if we're both her parents why am I carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Why would he do this to me? I don't even know what I am asking and I don't know what to do. I just want to feel better.

Amplexor

Because he has given you the answer of 40% yes he wants to work on the marriage, it is not hopeless. Difficult but not hopeless. You said you are feeling like you might be falling out of love with him or are becoming numb. I think you are correct that you are trying to protect yourself. It is natural but could be dangerous. If you are the only one actively trying to salvage the marriage and lose your desire to, it will fail. I understand your feelings for I have been there. I am still trying to help my wife recover her feelings for me after more than a year. But things are so much better now then before. Have hope and faith, communicate with him, find the problems and things can get better. My best wishes for you.

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Amp

Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.

827Aug

"Is it hopeless?" That's a good question. That's currently my life now. That's exactly how my husband feels. He did move out 5 months ago though. We were going to couples counseling every other week--then he missed an appointment. We had a talk yesterday and he agreed to start going to weekly appointments by himself. He had an affair and I know it is causing most of his feelings.

hitrockbottom

Ok first...You said you wanted to live for the moment, then you asked if that was cool, per say.

Don't ask if you want to do that, just DO IT. Thats what living for the moment is.

Second, don't ask him what will make him happy. Take a step back and look at the situation. You offered him "separation, Divorce, Moving out" all those are negative things, and will only fuel negative thoughts.

Third, if your situation is like mine when you were happy it was because you knew each other and knew your boundaries. I'm also willing to bet things were still sparatic(excuse the spelling).

Lastly....you have to take care of your self before you can try and fix things between u 2.
Good luck....its the course that I am currently on...it sucks but keep the faith..
CHeck out a dude called Homer Mcdonald....I liked his approach to saving marriage...google and you can read most of his book for free.