MrT

been with wife for 13 years, married for 8, e have 2 kids.
Had a pretty good relationship and sex life for first 3-4 years of marriage, typical bumpy spots when kids were young. in 2007 i would say we were at best times...her son (older and living with us started getting in trouble and drugs and was sore spot with me and her and got between us some) after a year of this it seemed she became cold with me and less loving and very short. after a few months i got suspicious and discovered she had been calling an ex lover...a lot 52 times in 3 months..well so happens he works with kids troubled with drugs and that was the "alleged" call discussions..after being busted she changed her ph# and said she would stop calling him..although not very happy about it... next 18 months i tried to warm up to her more, talk, etc and she seemed more than ever distanced..from me, our kids, etc...she said she did not know what was wrong with her, hormones? etc
and took depression meds breifly as prescribed by dr - i was to the point i was looking for a way out of loveless and passionless marriage....thanksgiving day 2008 after having a weekly or bi-weekly routine loving session, she said I've done something bad.. immediately i knew what was coming...gutted for a few days and shed lots of tears..but i decided to stay for mostly our kids sake...i tried to get us to counseling and she refused -this was the same guy she cheated on when he was married by the way and she quit seeing him when we met... next few months she seemingly was trying to make it work...voluntarily told me where she was during day, etc....(she does not work) sex picked up for a few months....here we are now 11 months later and i still think about her cheating and to be honest last few months i feel the same in the sex dept as before...she tells me she loves me, but our connection is just not there like it was, she rarely initiates sex....i cannot say whole-heartedly i trust here still - my worry is i'm just prolonging the inevitable..an unhappy marriage.... we have little common interest..
i love to work out, she prefers tv and sofa...i ignore little things, she dwells on them, she is a good mother, maybe a little inpatient

Anyone experienced the same and how did it turn out -what did you do to improve things ?

Chris Taylor

You have to get to marriage counseling to air out these problems. If she won't go, go alone and let her know you are going to show you are serious about the marriage.

If anything, it will help with the trust issues.

Find things to do together.

MrT

Not went to a counselor yet, should have a while back..but have looked for support through various internet channels, such as this.

I just cannot get the "why" question from my head...or the visual images of it happening...it really lessens my respect for her at times... she cannot say why...but I think about all the lies involved in
making the affair happen and it pisses me off ! not going places with me and the kids...getting in the bed at 8pm and ignoring me, etc for 18 months...yet at times she seemed happy (with herself)..but mood would go to hell when it was routine as normal.....don't know why it ended, likely realized it was not all that

she said she wishes she had not told me because of the way i reacted..really ? but decided to tell to free herself from guilt..

so anytime she is depressed or in a generla bad mood towards me, for days at a time all i can think about is the way it used to be
and gets me to thinking about it more...and generally bring my anxiety up and mood down