mollymai17

I have been with my husband for 12 years and we have had our ups and downs. We married in 2004. My concern is that we have gotten in big altercation about his facebook account and myspace, because I did not the comments he was mking to other females. Now mind you I did have his account info, I did a search of some his freinds from his old high school and that's how I found out. He had it where I could not get into it. I printed out a pcture with his comment and one of the women and confronted him about it. to make a long story short after we got into a big argument and him wanting to leave because he felt like I was evading his privacy, he decided to deactivate his facbook account and myspace account right in front of me, which I was happy about. After all that I still felt like something was not right, so I put a keylogger on the computer and I know the sayin if you go looking for something. Anyway after checking the keylogger I found out his password and such for email addresses and of course I logged in and have been monitoring his email. I notice that every now and them that emailed a female stating that he can not find her on myspace and that's because he is no longer a member of myspace, but he said he needed to see apic of her and he called baby and she called him sweetheart. A day later she email a few pics one she had on a two piece bikini and I deleted them befor he could see them.
I have not told my husband about this because of course he would get furious and here we go again arguing. I can't tell him everything that I have done to find out, but I want to let him know that I know and it has to stop. It's not they email one another on a daily basis and he don't go out all the time just maybe one a month, but never stay out all night and he don't text all the time, he comes home straight from work, so i'm just wondering if I should worry about it as much

Rob774

I don't have any woman sending me bikini photos, so that in itself is a red flag. Lay down your boundaries to him that is firm. If he feel as though his behavior is okay for a married men, then you should tell him that this marriage is not for you. If he loves you, which i am sure he does ( he just wants the attention of other ladies too ) then he will change his ways.

827Aug

In addition, you shouldn't be worrying about invading his privacy. His behavior has lead to this. The very fact he has an issue with this speaks volumes. An "innocent" spouse wouldn't care what you looked at.

lovelieswithin

Sorry - I know that heart sinking feeling all to well when you discover someone is having an EA with someone. I believe that there is definitely such a thing as healthy flirting - even for married people but the bounderies & rules of the marriage have to be defined before you can really call out a violation. Your discovery is indeed borderline affair in my book because of the fact it's so secretive and he seems to be the one seeking out trouble rather than some woman showing interest and then him squashing it.
You have trust issues now because of his behavior - I agree! His natural reaction to confrontation is going to be defensive rather than apologetic. Prepare yourself for that and go at his heart rather than his ego. Be careful with throwing hasty words but be firm that it isn't fair that he makes you question his behavior. Ask him if his sneaky behavior is worth the emotional anguish he is causing in your marriage. Raising your voice, name calling and being attacking will shut his listening down. Try to play up your disappointment and mistrust and ask him what you're doing to deserve being treated like a doormat. After you're firm & lay out your feelings back off & let him think about it. Take yourself out with the girls dolled up & feeling confident. Seeing you be strong & firm might help restore his respect. Chances are routine at home is boring him so show him what he's missing out on when he's playing online pattycake! be strong & beautiful rather than weak and desperate. =) it worked for me! my husband stopped the outside behavior & now were more open about people we encounter & even joke about being hit on only to return to our own bond. =) he can change - you CAN respect him again and he'll realize how lame & childish he is being once you scale back your attention.
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mollymai17

Thank you for responding. The only other thing is I feel if I tell him that I have a spy on the computer, he will feel as if I evaded his privacy, which I have, but it's only because I felt like something wasn't right. How do I go about explaining to him what I know without giving up what I have done to find out? He is going to be so mad. I also know that he going to do reverse psychology.

verifier

So sad that you have to deal with this mollymai, I wonder why he wants to be with other women?

verifier

That would be horrible if he found out that you spy on him

dallasapple

I wouldn't think its so much a question of should you be worried.But more are you prepared to accept him having other women over the years even if the relationships never go beyond what he is doing now.I guess Im confused about what you are asking if you should be worried about.He's already lying to you and is having secret "romantic"relationships with other women.I personally would be worried myself about THAT even if it never goes any further to a face to face relationship.

If you aren't prepared or O.K with that then you have to make the decision is it a "deal breaker".Then give him the choice ME or all the other women out there.But be prepared he may choose all the other women out there.

Thoreau

Its been 3 years. I'm quite certain the OP is not seeking additional advice.
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verifier

Yeah... I'd be worried if I were you

dallasapple

OOOPS! LOL!! I need to get in the habit of 1st checking the date of an "OP" before I ever respond.I don't get why people bring these old post up unless its the OP revisiting.Is it to try and be funny?I mean wouldnt you have to do some digging in the archives to even find these old OP's or how does that even happen?