Wife pretending to be someone else online
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Old 07-26-2008, 12:15 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife pretending to be someone else online

I have recently found out that my wife has alternate facebook and myspace profiles pretending to be a single mom living in a different state. She is using photos from one of her friends and her kid as her own on these profiles.

I became suspicious after I saw her filling out an About Me survey on facebook and in the "your favorite person in your life" field, she put down someone named Brendan. I searched on facebook and myspace using her other email address (she has 2 that she uses), and found the profiles. She uses the same passwords for everything, so I eventualy got in to them. I should note that she talks about this fake person to me every now and then about how they are good friends, etc. One day she claimed this fake friend was in the area, and my wife went to go visit "her". I don't believe she cheated on me though. I think she is just trying to make her fake friend more believable to me.

Once I got into the fake profiles, I saw a couple of people my wife would do some sexual flirting with. One in particular named Brendan. I don't think my wife has physically met any of these people, as I feel she doesn't want to blow her cover with these people seeing as her photos online are not her.

I checked her messenger friend lists, and found Brendan on her yahoo one. Her shared picture on her yahoo messenger is of my wife's friend's little girl.

I would like to hear opinions on how to handle this one. My wife has gone to great lengths to try and keep this a secret from me. My wife spends upwards of 10 hours a day online at times.
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Old 07-27-2008, 02:03 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

At the very least your wife is having an emotional affair. This creates two problems for your relationship.

1) It takes away time and energy from your relationship with her. All the online flirting can be done with you to better rewards.

2) It doesn't take to much to have a little thing go wrong. Maybe she is flirting now, maybe she'll meet the person but what happens if she goes a bit to far, because she put herself in the position to cheat?

I think you need to open communications with your wife and if you can't do it yourself than you need couples counciling. This can only get worse.

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Old 07-27-2008, 04:15 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

thank you for the advice draconis
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Old 07-28-2008, 04:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

When i first found my husbands online dating accounts i demanded he delete them and never go back. i thought by controlling this one action things would get better. ya, he never did go back to that site, or do that particular thing again, but I kept finding other things. as long as i kept trying to control the thing he was doing, i was completely missing the point of what was going on between us.

The thing that helped me the most was doing a lot of reading about boundaries. Its been two years now and one hell of a painful ride. And even though I dont know if he's getting better, I am.
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Old 07-28-2008, 08:39 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

This behavior is bizarre at best. It is possible she is looking for some additional spice in her life but 10 hours a day is way over the top. This is not healthy for the marriage and needs to be addressed. I would let her know you are aware of these profiles and what she is doing at ask her to explain. She needs to discontinue all contact with Brendan. Good luck
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Old 07-29-2008, 09:32 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

this is not a fantasy life she is having, she is having a second real life.
i think you need to have a face to face talk.
brendan is not fantasy, he is a real person.
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Old 07-29-2008, 03:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife pretending to be someone else online

Even if she is not having a physical sexual relationship, what she is doing is far worse. She is lying and having an emotional affair. The emotional affairs are worse in my opinion because you can go and have sex with anyone (ok some people can but not me) but to let someone into your life and chose them over your spouse and family, that is wrong on too many different levels to count.
The bottom line is whether or not you think this behavior will continue. Meeting once or talking to someone once is ok, an "accident" if you will (to some but not in my world) but to continue it over a period of time becomes a behavior pattern. Not to mention she took the time and effort to make up these other profiles and LIE to you about her "friend". It was a deliberate act of deception. SHE is chosing to do these things to you.
On the other hand, is there a possibility that a friend is actually using her as a front. If this is her story and it is true, she should be able to tell you who the friend is and you can verify it.
DO NOT LET YOURSELF BE PLAYED. Good luck (I was a master manipulater and lyer so I know what can be done).
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