Not sure..I think it is a commitment issue.

hitrockbottom · 07-26-2008, 05:02 PM

Well I gave my wife the option to leave 2weeks ago. I looked her dead in the eye and said.
"S****Y, I would prefer this marriage to work, but if you honestly feel like you don't love me and we can't put this back together, then I need you to tell me now, So I can move on. I will help you find a place to live."

She sorta of looked at me, and dropped all conversation. Crawled in bed. We have since been sleeping back in the same room. We had an excellent weekend last Sat and Sun. Tons of fun and light conversation.

This week has been relaxed. Still no intimacy to speak of but relaxed. Talks about our future are more...little things like whether we are going to keep or sale things, Are we going to have to buy me things in the future for my diving.

Aside from our relaxed conversation our interaction has been more friendly then anything. Laughing, joking, snappping shirts at her, went on a walk, eating together(not alone, but more then normal), her singing at the top of her lungs(so so bad, but cute) Then when we get close IE...held hands for a minute, Got into "the moment" almost snuck a kiss(feel like a 13yr old on his first date) Then she clams back up without warning. Almost like she switched personalities.

Our talks aren't about marriage or the situation at hand. I think it has been 2weeks since I mentioned anything. Trying to keep a relaxed environment. I want to give it a little longer till I have another Serious talk with her.

I've been trying to pretend like the things she is doing don't bother me. She has started going out more and more with her friend(the one I don't like) and ignoring the one I do. When I ask her about doing things if she doesn't want to I get and "I don't know" answer. I asked her on a movie date, she said she wanted to see the movie but when I try and set a day she says "I don't know"

I ask why and she says because she doesn't know what she will be doing that day. As to say, sorry but if my friends want to do something your **** out of luck. I said I want to plan something for next weekend, you down? again "I don't know" was her answer.

She doesn't want to commit to doing something with me. Instead she does it with her friend.

For example this week she had a stress test for her diving. I asked about it, I showed interest, and I even tried to converse about it...but I got no invite to come either help or watch. Instead she invited this guy she just met(one of her friends brothers, no threat/EA/Affair with him, just friends) all the same I felt hurt. I felt like I wasn't to be included. Like she doesnt want me around.

I haven't told her how I felt yet because I don't want to despise her for hurting/being upset at me. But do I deserve to be treated like that. Should I just let it roll off my shoulder and accept the good that has been going on and ignore the bad?

I just dont want to go down the same path that we went down the last few years.
Im going to give it about another week and then talk with her. In a non-confrontational manner...just need to plan out what I want to say..any suggestions or input please?

help2008 · 07-26-2008, 10:51 PM

Gosh this sounds so similar to some of the things my wife and I are going through. I wish I had info for you, but that's why Im here too. All I can say is that if she doesnt want to talk with you, you'll get nowhere fast. I'm at the stage of trying to just let it ride and see where things go. Its so hard for me and my feelings but its gotta get better in the long run. Good luck

draconis · 07-27-2008, 03:08 AM

I think before you can move forward she needs to make a decision, however I don't see that coming anytime soon. I really don't see a week or two making a difference other than driving you crazier than you are now.

draconis

hitrockbottom · 07-28-2008, 02:07 PM

Yeah It was two weeks since I mentioned anything to her. All together it has been since May 11th thats when she took off her rings.

I have spoken with her since my post.
I basically said that I realize our relationship is shaky at best. I also know that we have come along way in it. She said"as friends" I said either way were talking more now, were hanging out, and we are not entirely avoiding each other. Although there is still a lot of avoidance going on.
I said that I am here if she wants to continue this relationship but I WILL NOT stay in it if we are going to travel back down the path that got us here....now I wait

hitrockbottom · 07-28-2008, 02:15 PM

One more thing....decipher this if possible.

During our talk she said that she has forgiving me for my mistake but can't get it our of her head. She said that she has images that she can't shake. I asked what? got no response. I was told that she is still unsure what is going to happen between us. She said that I need to make decisions on my future based on me and not us for the time being. Then she followed it up with how are we going to do this....me "What our relationship or divorce"....back to her "us, how are we going to do this?"... I drew a blank...

then I said....I love you with all my heart. These last two weekends have been amazing to me. You opened up until we got close then you backed off again. But we shared them together. I want so badly to hold you and your hand. I want you to care about what I do and where I go. I want us to be able to share our lives together again. I want you to ask what ever you want when ever you want.

Then I mentioned me writing, offered her my poem on trust. Don't know if she read it....never got a response from her. But the next day we went shopping together, and then ventured on another dive. to the Pete Tide II, 105ft....amazing dive. came home and laid together on the couch, well close together she through her legs on me....another first for awhile....

I just keep getting mixed signals....but I enjoy the good ones when they come...

I guess like what was said....enjoy her company when she wants to give it, and be patient when she wants her space.