General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Takris,
Is it possible that she picked up on your comparing and maybe that is the cause of her depression? I think women can kind of sense these things. That would be pretty painful to overcome.
This is an interesting topic. I think my husband and I are equally physically attractive, but I think my attitude and personality are more attractive than his.
Ex: He is very high strung a lot of the time, control freak, arrogrant a lot of the time. I am very relaxed, roll with the tide, always love to hear peoples different opinions on things.
Dawn,
Yes. While hubbie and I are equal in looks and intelligence, our personalities are as different as possible. He is an introvert and quite shy. I am not by any stretch. He once told me that I can "light up a room" just by walking in to it. He cannot as he doesn't like new people/situations. We do compliment each other in that way though. He can walk in to a room and spend an hour observing the situation all the while I am chatting it up with new people. He pulls me aside to tell me his assessment and I pull him next to the new people I met and introduce him. It works. Weird, but it works.
Dawn,
Yes. While hubbie and I are equal in looks and intelligence, our personalities are as different as possible. He is an introvert and quite shy. I am not by any stretch. He once told me that I can "light up a room" just by walking in to it. He cannot as he doesn't like new people/situations. We do compliment each other in that way though. He can walk in to a room and spend an hour observing the situation all the while I am chatting it up with new people. He pulls me aside to tell me his assessment and I pull him next to the new people I met and introduce him. It works. Weird, but it works.
I could have written this same thing. My husband always jokes "I hate People" , I know he does not really mean this but he seems to have little need for socialing outside of close friends/family, just a quiet behind the scenes kind of guy.
I don't know if I lighten a room when I walk in, but I never have trouble jumping in & often get people to open up about things they may not normally, I guess I ask alot of provocative questions - Which makes for some "letting your hair down" parties. Alot of fun, alot of laughter. Husband just watches and smiles.
SA,
I often refer to my husband as the "Wise Old Owl". A character from a childrens book that sits perched on a branch watching the situation closely. He observes, looks, listens and learns. He then opens his beak/mouth and says something profound. That is my husband. Meanwhile, I am talking to a potted plant. LOL.
My husband calls me his "Trophy Wife". I do look younger than him by about 10 years. Some of it has to do with the way I have my hair styled and dress and the way I act. But I feel he is damn good looking and sexy and in the same league as me when it comes to appearance.
That said, I just wish he'd dress a bit sharper and I worry that he is starting to act..uh..well, like an old man. This is part of our problem. I still feel like I'm in my 20s-30s and he's starting to act like 50-60. It's a problem.
What's ironic is that at one time I was the one who was getting fat and slovenly and not giving any thought to my appearance and he was the one who encouraged me to lose weight and take an interest in my appearance because he was how it was affecting my self esteem and our sex life. I took his advice, lost 50 lbs, exercise 5 days a week, got a new wardrobe, started wearing make up, doing my hair and it transformed me. I feel great but now the tables have turned it seems.
I do believe that how you live and act plays a big part in how you age. You start to act old and the result is you look older. I see it a lot in the people I used to call my friends back in my 20s. Now they are 45-50 and they look look 50-up, especially the women. Shame how that happens.
There's a line from a Tom Petty song that says ..
"Well, I don't know but I've been told, you never slow down, you never grow old".
It's a line I've always agreed with so I've made it my business to not slow down. But I think my husband could definitely use a jumpstart to get his battery recharged again.
Takris,
Is it possible that she picked up on your comparing and maybe that is the cause of her depression? I think women can kind of sense these things. That would be pretty painful to overcome.
Not possible. She has borderline personality disorder. But everything adds to the depression, but most of them are things that her mind tells her.
I suppose most of the world would describe my wife as reasonably attractive but to me, she's just flat-out gorgeous and far better looking than I am. I don't make girls swoon but I also don't frighten little kids with my looks. Guess I'm sort of average looking. I often wish she'd behave differently, but never for a skinny second have I wished she looked differently. Doesn't matter what she's wearing or what she's doing. Every time I've ever laid eyes on her, the first thought that always pops into my head is "Damn, she's beautiful!". In the looks department, I got the best end of the deal.
My H was 8 years older than me when first we got married no one could pay attention to this difference but we have different type of personality he is introvert and i am more sociable. I have heard more than once that when i walk in a room it is like ten women walked in at the same time
My H doesn't like to talk to new people. From a side he was pushing me to take care of myself and look always pretty and attractive but from the other side he wasn't doing the same to himself even when i asked him and tried to push him to take care of himself he wasn't and the jealousy was killing our life
After few years of marriage he started to look older and no one would believe it is only 8 years difference and many times people thought he is my father. We got to a point when we meet new people he starts first to introduce me as his daughter then turns it to say that i am his wife but i look like his daughter to show people that he is proud of me and this is not affecting him but it was affecting him deeply and it was one of the reasons he neglected more to take care of himself thinking that no matter what he does he won't look equal to me and no matter what i did to improve his self esteem i wasn't able to help him.
After 28 years of marriage in my 46 i look younger at least 10 years and he is 55 but looks 20 years older and also he acts as 20 years older or more
As for me i never look to the beauty the same way that he does In fact a good shape and well looking man may attract me for the first sight but for me the outside beauty is not more than skin deep i feel more attracted to the eyes of a man which are the mirror of the inside beauty and that's what i mostly care for but also i do care for a man who takes care of himself. By neglecting himself he was looking much older and also acting as an older man.
What he did hurt me and made me feel embarrassed in front of my friends and feel bad about myself when i do take care of myself and look great and he does not.
This had a bad reflect on our life and his feelings about that turned him to be more ugly with me, more reason to blame me of what is happening to him and turned him to be more jealous from any man.....
Now we are going through divorce not only for that but also for so many other reasons...
I think my stbxh is better looking than me now.
When we met a decade ago we were equally good looking. A very hot couple. But 10 years and two kids later took a toll on my "beauty".
So now he is the better looking part of us. Which is probably one reason why he wants a divorce .
We'll see if I can fix it.
SA,
I often refer to my husband as the "Wise Old Owl". A character from a childrens book that sits perched on a branch watching the situation closely. He observes, looks, listens and learns. He then opens his beak/mouth and says something profound. That is my husband. Meanwhile, I am talking to a potted plant. LOL.
Clearly we are married to the same man I am LMAO at the "Talking to a potted plant" comment. Thank you for that. I feel the same way often!
4Likes
Re: Are you better looking than your spouse? 
But I think my husband could definitely use a jumpstart to get his battery recharged again.
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I am LMAO at the "Talking to a potted plant" comment. Thank you for that. I feel the same way often!
