Wife cut her hair short
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Old 11-05-2010, 11:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife cut her hair short

Ok, this may sound petty, but recently my wife of 9 years (together for 15) started cutting her hair really short. It was always about shoulder length before or a little longer, but now it's all buzzed in the back and pretty short up top too.

I've told her that I thought it looked better longer (very carefully of course) and was told that she liked it short and it doesn't matter what I like.

The problem is I really don't find the Hugh Grant look attractive on a woman, and our sex life is definitely suffering (though it wasn't great to begin with, see previous paragraph for insight into why) and I'm struggling with how to tell her that having a man's haircut makes her less attractive to me.

Sounds simple, but it has the potential to get really ugly, she seems to be cutting it shorter and shorter on a weekly basis based on the hair I find in the sink, I'm afraid she'll look like she's active military by Xmas.

I really can't see any way to tell her how I feel without a huge fight, any insight?
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:31 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

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Originally Posted by Brad145 View Post
Ok, this may sound petty, but recently my wife of 9 years (together for 15) started cutting her hair really short. It was always about shoulder length before or a little longer, but now it's all buzzed in the back and pretty short up top too.

I've told her that I thought it looked better longer (very carefully of course) and was told that she liked it short and it doesn't matter what I like.

The problem is I really don't find the Hugh Grant look attractive on a woman, and our sex life is definitely suffering (though it wasn't great to begin with, see previous paragraph for insight into why) and I'm struggling with how to tell her that having a man's haircut makes her less attractive to me.

Sounds simple, but it has the potential to get really ugly, she seems to be cutting it shorter and shorter on a weekly basis based on the hair I find in the sink, I'm afraid she'll look like she's active military by Xmas.

I really can't see any way to tell her how I feel without a huge fight, any insight?
Ew.
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

Tell her and if theres a fight then let it be.

I had to giggle at this reason being. 13 years of marriage and the biggest fight we ever got into was over my hair. I cut it although not that short, but I dyed my brown hair blonde. My husband came unglued.
He told me he loves the way I look why do I want to change. When I told him everyone loved my hair he says, "well I'm not everyone." He thought I didn't value his feelings, and didn't care what he wanted, and put everyones opinion above his. That wasn't true, but that's how he felt.

Now my h has dark hair that I love, am a freak over. In the heat of arguing he said, "well I'll dye my hair blonde." Without thinking I said, "don't you dare, you will screw up your looks." Uh oh. The arguing ended, we both apologized, and the making up was oh so good.

So tell her.
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Old 11-06-2010, 01:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

I do have a suggestion. It's called W-T-F-S, and it stands for "When you..." "I think..." "I feel..." "Some I'm going to ask..." When you speak to your spouse this way, you identify your issues without blaming them, you share both what you think and what you feel (so that it works for either a Thinker or a Feeler), and you actually ask them if they would be willing to do something to "fix it." This gives them something to do, and it also gives them an opportunity to say "No I'm not willing but I am willing to do this..." Then you can negotiate until you two find something you both agree on enthusiastically. If you do not agree, don't "sacrifice" and say that you do...say that you disagree and would prefer X or Y.

So here is an example for this specific incident:

"When you cut your hair in this shorter hairdo
I think it looks masculine on you. I honestly do think you are a natural beauty but this hairdo doesn't work with your most attractive features in your face and cheeks and eyes.
I feel not as much attracted to you...and I really want to be attracted to you and find a hairdo that compliments your natural beauty! I also feel hurt that it seems like it doesn't matter to you if I'm attracted to you or not.
So I'd like to ask if you'd consider growing your hair a little longer again and agree to get a couple hairdo magazines with me, and we can review them together and pick one that we both think would look cue but also meets your needs to be easy to style and take care of."
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:11 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

Dude, I would kill for the type of problems you have. My advice is suck it up. Life is full of much bigger problems.
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:12 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

I have kept my hair long for 8 years.

My husband told me that he likes women with long hair. He thinks that I definitely look prettier with long hair. Some women look pretty with short hair, like Halle Berry.

It takes a long time to wash long hair, and a long time to dry. For several times I asked my husband if I can have a hair cut, he said OK but not too short. I don't ask him if I can have a hair cut anymore. Because I know he likes long hair, I'll just keep my long hair.

My hair is about to my waist. It looks wavy and soft!

I know I do a lot to maintain the woman my husband loves. He loves, he gets! It is not too much for me to do!
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Old 11-06-2010, 08:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

On the one hand, I think it's her hair, so you don't really get a say. But on the other hand, it's begun to affect your sex life and your feelings for her.

You have to approach this delicately. I think Affaircare's advice is perfect.

One other thought, because you mention that you keep finding hair in the sink that makes you think she's cutting it shorter and shorter...is it possible that she's doing it deliberately? Maybe she's deliberately trying to turn you off or annoy you? If things haven't been that good between you lately anyway, this might be something she's doing to try to get back at you or make some kind of point or something.
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Old 11-06-2010, 12:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

I really don't ask my husband for permission to cut my hair. Yes, I know he likes it when it's longer, but longer hair gives me headaches as I am always pulling it back and I don't like spending an hour trying to style it. So I cut it, without asking him. I did ask him what he thought afterwards but it is my hair and I have to live with the effects of it. Is she cutting it shorter or just trimming it on a weekly basis as not to have it grow out?? So, are your feelings for your wife based on her hair cut or her response to your reaction to the hair cut?
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:10 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

Some short hair looks good on women, but I hate when they get it cut so short that it looks like a guy's. My mother did that in the late 70's-early 80's, and I resented it. Frankly, she looked like a diesel dyke! When my W gets hers cut, it's sorta short, but in a cute, French "silent film star" style, and it's okay with me.
But one thing leaps oput at me-you find it getting shorter and hair in the sink. Perhaps this is indicative of a deeper problem, like an OCD, or this is her way of "cutting herself"?
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

Well, she could do like me and have her short hair two different colors!

My hair used to be long but it wasn't straight and wasn't curly. It would just not do much of anything. I permed it back in the late '80s and it was past my shoulders and looked pretty hot but after I had kids my hair would NOT take a perm so I had it shoulder length but I found I was always pulling it back and I looked older than my age.

Then I cut it and the difference was incredible. It dropped 5 years off me. Not only that, but it takes 5 minutes for me to fix up. Often I don't even have to dry it and it looks fine. For my lifestyle (working outside, driving in a convertible half the year, camping, kayaking, skiing, etc) it's perfect. Long hair is just too much of a pain.

That said, I didn't get it cut like a guy. My hair is short on one side and longer on the other and I spike it up top. It's blonde up front, down one side (the longer side) and on top. It's dark, almost black, on the back and the other side.

I get a lot of compliments about it (my husband seems to like it) and it certainly is different and tends to go with the way I dress and reflects my personality. A lot of it has to do with the close relationship I have with my hair stylist too. She is easy to communicate with and we are of the same mindset so we work well together.

I find that a lot of women just get their hair cut short but there's no real "style" to it. Sometimes it looks like someone stuck a bowl on their head and just cut around it. Maybe your wife needs to find a hair stylist who will give her a bit more style so that it's not so "guy-like" but be short and sexy. If she leaves it longer on top you might find the compromise you are both looking for. Perhaps you can pick up some magazines and go through them together and come up with a compromise that both of you you would like...One that you find appealing and that she can live with.

One thing that does raise my eyebrows is her cutting it herself shorter and shorter. It sounds a bit "off" to me...almost like she's doing it out of resentment or has a deep seated problem. Sounds a bit like cutting. You cut (be it skin or hair) because you feel anxious and angry within yourself. As someone who has cut I can relate here. Have you noticed any other changes about her demeanor besides the hair?

I'd be very careful and gentle with her. Give her a hug and ask her why she cut herself and keeps cutting it. Be supportive and for the time being focus on the other parts of her body that are attractive to you. Sounds like she's needing some lovin' and support and maybe some counseling too?

Last edited by Freak On a Leash; 11-06-2010 at 05:48 PM.
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Old 11-06-2010, 02:49 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

This post doesn't sound petty, it is petty. Maybe your wife doesn't have time to take care of long hair or maybe long just isn't manageable for her, if this is your biggest problem your are very fortunate indeed. Stop making any comments and maybe she'll grow it out on her own, but when you push someone they almost always push back and maybe that's what she's doing from some other pent up problem with you. Try being quiet and see what happens..
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Old 11-06-2010, 10:50 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

Thanks for all the comments, reading what you have to say is almost as beneficial as writing out what i feel is the problem.

I spoke with her and she definitely likes it the way it is, though she is too cheap to pay for a hairdresser and keeps trying to 'fix' it herself. There's not much to 'fix' now anyways. LOL

I was pretty open and honest about how I feel about it and she was calm and rational (not normal for her at all) but stuck to her guns that this is what she wants right now and thats it, So I'll have to learn to live with it.

Oh and BTW, this definitely isn't our only or largest problem, it was just something bothering me at the moment, like any couple we have some real challenges, but they don't fit the scope of this thread so I'll leave it at that.

Thanks!

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Old 11-07-2010, 08:17 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

There are women out there rocking cute pixie cuts, but I think they require a good stylist to get the desired effect. I've also heard that while they look great with little or no effort on a day to day basis, they can actually be more high maintenance salon-wise. Some have to be trimmed every 3-4 weeks to maintain their shape. If your wife doesn't like to pay for haircuts, I would think something a bit longer without alot of layers would keep her out of the salon longer. Just my opinion. I'm not a profressional, just a girly-girl woman who reads alot of magazines:-)

Anyway, these trends come and go. Try to be patient- she'll likely tire of her current style and be onto something different after a while. You've let her know that you would prefer it longer, hopefully that will sink in eventually.
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Old 11-08-2010, 02:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

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Originally Posted by Brad145 View Post
Ok, this may sound petty, but recently my wife of 9 years (together for 15) started cutting her hair really short. It was always about shoulder length before or a little longer, but now it's all buzzed in the back and pretty short up top too.

I've told her that I thought it looked better longer (very carefully of course) and was told that she liked it short and it doesn't matter what I like.

The problem is I really don't find the Hugh Grant look attractive on a woman, and our sex life is definitely suffering (though it wasn't great to begin with, see previous paragraph for insight into why) and I'm struggling with how to tell her that having a man's haircut makes her less attractive to me.

Sounds simple, but it has the potential to get really ugly, she seems to be cutting it shorter and shorter on a weekly basis based on the hair I find in the sink, I'm afraid she'll look like she's active military by Xmas.

I really can't see any way to tell her how I feel without a huge fight, any insight?
I actually like short hair on a woman, but she has to have a pretty face for it. In my eye, short hair draws more attention to the facial features than long hair does.
Anyway, if you don't like it...good luck. LOL
my wife has naturally curly hair. Despite my love of short hair, I want her to grow it out a bit and let it be curly. She won't have it. She straightens it (fries it to a crisp) every day and keeps it relatively short (chin length about).
She will also ask me what color she should dye it and then NEVER takes my advice.

She says I need to let her be herself and not try to change her. LOL. I want her to leave her hair natural - as she was born with - and not straighten it, but yet i'm trying to change her?
LOL.
Women are strange.
one other thing: HEAVEN forbid if I do something to my hair that she doesn't approve of! I'm not allowed to grow it any length other than very short.
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Old 11-09-2010, 04:30 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife cut her hair short

::Slightly off-topic::

I have observed women cutting thier hair when they go through a major life crisis. What's up with that?
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