My wife and I are about to have our 10 year wedding anniversary in a few days. When we got married, we were both 19 years old, and had a 4 month old baby. He's 10 years old now.
We also have a 2 year old daughter.
Anyways, I am facing some serious issues here. Ever since we got married, I have always been the primary money maker. I also put myself through college. Full time for four years while working. I'm active duty Air Force by the way. It was tough going to school while working and raising a family. But I now have a job that I absolutely love.
My wife on the other hand, has had a few jobs here and there, and taken a few college classes. At the jobs she's had, she always winds up getting fired or quits. She always has an excuse which is obviously a made up story. It usually boils down to a personal problem that she had with somebody that worked there. Since we've been married, I can't think of ANY job that she held for more than two months. It just blows my mind. When it comes to college classes, she drops half of them. She only takes one or two at a time. She has NEVER gone out and done any of the work to get a job, or get enrolled in school. I make enough money to support us, and put her through school. It's not like I make a LOT of money, but I always find a way to get things done. I encourage her all the time, but unless I do all of the footwork myself, she would never enroll in school or get a job. So obviously, I am half of the problem here, as I have enabled this behavior for years. Hindsight is always 20/20 though.
So, since she's usually not working, I would expect that things would get done around the house. I work a LOT sometimes. However, I come home, and nothing has been done. Dishes are piled up, laundry is piled up and the house is in disarray. Half the time, she's asleep on the couch. Sometimes, I'll let it go for a few days and see what happens, but I can't stand it any more. So, I'll ask her about it and start complaining. She usually gets mad and throws a tantrum and goes and does the dishes or something. Laundry is NEVER done. It is either on the couch, in the washer, in the dryer, or piled up on the bed. If she piles it on the bed, she just shoves it on the floor when she goes to bed. Then, our incredibly hairy cat lays all over it and it just needs to be washed again. It amazes me that she is still thin and hasn't put on any weight. She doesn't do a whole lot.
Before anybody asks, she HAS been evaluated for depression. She was kind of depressed when her mom died last year, but this has been going on for years. The doctor said that nothing is wrong with her. My wife also says that she's not depressed. So, I can't figure out what the deal is. Any time I confront her about it, she blows up into a rage. I NEVER scream or even raise my voice. I am extremely laid back and don't let a lot of things bother me. But this nonsense is really bothering me. But any time I try to talk to her about it, she doesn't even let me get a point across. She just starts screaming and crying, and sometimes, will drive off like a maniac in her car.
I'm going to be 30 years old next month. I have always been faithful to her, treated her with respect, provided for her and the kids, never once abused her physically or mentally, I don't run around drinking, or get in trouble and I'm very responsible. I have my faults like anybody else, but I definitely have my head on straight for the most part. I also try to be a good, responsible father to my kids. Honestly, they are the only reason I am still married. Had I not had kids, I wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. I don't want them to grow up in a broken home and I would hate the thought of not being able to see them every night.
I realize that I have totally enabled this behavior from the beginning. I just kept digging that hole so to speak. I do everything for her when it comes to school, work, etc. It's like pulling teeth to get her to do anything around the house. I have to get her angry in order to get her to clean anything up or cook or whatever. She drives a brand new car and I drive an old S-10. Again, I enabled her. I can fix anything on any car. I wouldn't have bought the new car, but I'm away from home for weeks and sometimes months at a time. I didn't want my kids to be rolling around in some beater. If it broke down, even a flat tire, she just can't deal with it.
Anyways, I kind of wanted to vent a bit, but I also want to hear from others who are, or have been in the same boat I'm in. What did you do? I don't think I can take this stuff much longer. Nothing I do or suggest, seems to work. It might have a temporary effect, but I think she needs a cold, hard reality shock. I would have absolutely no qualms about doing this, but I'm worried about my kids. Without me, she has nowhere to go. Her mom is dead, and her dad is a jerk. I'm worried she might move in with her sister, who is even worse than she is. I can't afford two residences that's for sure. My main concern, is my kids. I'm not worried about my stuff, or my money. She could have it as far as I'm concerned. I can replace all of that. I don't think she would give me any trouble about custody. She cares about the kids a lot and I don't think that she would deny them the right to their father, and I wouldn't do that either. I'm just worried about what kind of environment they would be in if I weren't around. So, for those of you who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences. Any little bit of advice or insight will help. I know what needs to be done. I'm just curious how to go about doing it with the least pain for my kids. Thanks for your thoughts.