I cant get over his past

mrsallen1 · 07-25-2007, 12:14 PM

Hello everyone. okay i dont know if its just my insecuritys but i cant get over my husbands past with his ex. We used to date 3 years ago and then we broke up and he dated a girl for 2 1/2 years than we got back together and got married. Recently she has been calling and says she wants nothing more than a friendship with him but i dont feel comfortable with it at all. Her and I do not get along at all. Well, last night we went to her house(she wasnt home) to pick up the things he had left behind. We went back home and started to put his things away and i came across a letter he wrote to her. I know it would hurt me if I read it but of course i did it anyways. The things he said to her in the letter are the things he says to me on a daily basis. It made me sick to my stomache. The reason it bothers me also is because the way he described their realtionship is that it was horrible he only used her to have a place to stay and so forth and now i kinda feel like he is using me as well. I dont know how to handle it and it has been nothing but stress for the past 3 or 4 days. We have bairely talked and im starting to wonder if this relationship worth saving ? does he still love her? i dont know what to do and its driving me crazy.

hajensen24 · 07-26-2007, 02:13 PM

Hello...

I am sorry for your pain and situation, however, I suggest letting it die down. I am not an expert by any means, and sometimes I need to practice what I preach, but from what I am learning and what successful marreid couples tell me, is that you need to let go of the past. Technically, you two were not together when he was with this other woman, so this should not really be a concern, nor should you allow it to interfer with potentional of your marriage. Reading the letter was where it all went wrong. There hsould have been enough trust there for you to put the letter down and pack it away for storage. But you have to remember, who he was when he was with this other woman is not who he is now, nor is it the person who loves you now. People mature, their outlooks on life, love, and relationships change. We all change as individuals over time and I am sure, if he says he is done with her, he probably is. He has decided to marry you and share the rest of his life with you. You cannot change the past, and it should not change you and your current relationship. I completely understand why you read the letter and I understand how you feel, but you should know in your heart that he is your husband and he loves you and he wants you. After some time of him not answering her calls and not talking to her, she will go away. He should respect your wishes for him to cut off any communication with her as you should respect his when he says he is done with her. Don't let something like this get in the way of potentially beautiful future.

If you can... erase this from your memory and move forward with the love and trust in your heart as the day you said "I do".

I hope this helped and made sense...

Best of luck...

katharina · 07-31-2007, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hajensen24

After some time of him not answering her calls and not talking to her, she will go away. He should respect your wishes for him to cut off any communication with her as you should respect his when he says he is done with her. Don't let something like this get in the way of potentially beautiful future.

I think it's important that he *does* do this... but the poster didn't say whether or not he was also wanting to be friends with this other person. Sometimes things like that work out but more often they don't. I think the husband needs to respect his wife's wishes about not letting this other woman in their life as a friend.