Daughter in daddy's lap
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:04 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Daughter in daddy's lap

My 20 year old daughter straddles her father and lays her head on his shoulder. Is there something weird about this, or is it okay and normal? I am trying to figure out why I am jealous when she does this and why I don't think she should. He has always spoiled her, which I don't mind at all because I spoiled her too. But somehow, I think her sitting in his lap is inappropriate. Am I being ridiculous?
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

I don't think you're being ridiculous and it's pretty weird. What does your daughter's mother say about it?

I don't think you should think your jealousy is a weird sexual thing with your daughter... i think it just must feel like you don't have that connection with her.... but it's not a really normal connection. so don't be jealous. try to figure out why she acts that way with him.
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:44 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

She doesn't want to grow up! Is she really from you? Why are you jealous at your own daughter?
You're the mother you can go & stop her anything childish.
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Old 11-10-2010, 11:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

What does your daughter's mother say about it?

hahahahaha
Read it again and you will laugh too.
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Old 11-11-2010, 12:33 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

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Originally Posted by River1977 View Post
What does your daughter's mother say about it?

hahahahaha
Read it again and you will laugh too.
Just correct her any inappropriate bahavior!

"Honey, you're not a 6 year-old little girl anymore! Get out of your father's lap!"
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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re: I am trying to figure out why I am jealous when she does this and why I don't think she should.
... Jealousy is ALWAYS about insecurity and bad self esteem in the jealous person. A secure person would know exactly how to address behaviors they find inappropriate in a healthy, reasonable and productive way.
Get to work improving your own self worth and self respect and then deal with your family members if it still matters at all.
google: self worth
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:39 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

Ahhh I assumed River was a guy. and that it was an adopted daughter situation. Oh I think you should stop that behavior and tell your daughter that she's too old to sit on her dad's lap. That's just a little weird for being 20. She shouldn't behave like that. if I imagine a college boyfriend coming home with her and finding it strange... then there's something wrong. also tell your husband that he should say something to her. "sweetie, you're just too old to sit on my lap anymore" i think the other stuff sounds normal.
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Old 11-11-2010, 04:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

Straddling can be considered a sexual position because their 'parts' can actually touch, but this sounds innocent.

You didn't mention anything inappropriate going on while this is happening like inappropriate clothing(sundress, bathing suit, underwear, etc.) or inappropriate movement or staying there too long, etc. So it sounds simply like a daughter who's excited to see her dad pouncing on him and giving him a hug while he's sitting down.

Most likely the feeling of jealousy is just something in the back of your mind saying "Hey, I wanna sit there!" and you should
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Old 11-11-2010, 06:23 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

No concern for that, Chefmaster. I sit there quite often.....very often.....it's my favorite position wink wink.

I like to be honest with my feelings and whatever I am thinking, although sometimes, and I think this time, I should not have said I was jealous. I see you people are taking it literally. I don't think she should straddle her father like that at 20 years old. So because I know it is innocent and her just lovin on daddy the way she always has, I figured it must be jealousy for me to think she shouldn't do it. It wasn't that I had feelings of jealousy. It was not being able to explain why I don't feel she should do it. He is her father after all, so I still don't know why she shouldn't do it. You guys don't think she should either, but I still don't understand and am unable to explain why it is inappropriate. I just think it is and so do all of you. If she walked outside naked, I could understand and explain why that is inappropriate but not sitting on her father's lap. If she french kissed him, I could understand and explain the inappropriateness of that too, but not sitting on her father's lap. Jimrich is way off base but maybe he better understand now why I said the word "jealous" since he seems to think any mention of that word is cause for dime store psychology. J/K
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Old 11-11-2010, 07:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

I would never sit on my father's lap. I am almost 32, but after I turned about...I don't know, 10 or 11 tops, I wouldn't have sat on his lap. It would feel weird to me. Just as, after my sons turn a certain age, it will be weird for them to sit in my lap.

Children are only children for so long. While they are children, they can do things like sitting on our laps, because they are littler than we are, and we are their parents, comforting and loving them, perhaps protecting them. Once they are adults, even though we still look upon them as our children, the fact is they are adults and therefore technically our equals. You expect the same maturity of her that you expect of any other adult, and part of that maturity is not sitting on her father's lap anymore. Part of it is also probably....not jealousy per se, but a sense of since she is a grown woman, it strikes that chord in you of seeing another woman on your husband's lap, which would naturally bother you.

I would just tell her honestly that at her age, she should stop sitting on her father's lap. Hugging him, a peck on the cheek, whatever, is fine, but the lapsitting isn't cool anymore. IF, and this is a big IF, she or your husband act like you're out of line or continue doing it, then you might consider that there's something more to it.
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Old 11-11-2010, 01:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

I think you meant that it made you "uncomfortable" not jealous. It would make me uncomfortable too. Honestly, after they are about 10 I don't find it appropriate at all. Its an age thing. I am sure your husband used to give her baths when she was a baby too, doesn't necessarily mean he should be doing it now, right? I do see how this would be hard to bring up in conversation though.
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Old 11-11-2010, 05:05 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

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Originally Posted by River1977 View Post
My 20 year old daughter straddles her father and lays her head on his shoulder. Is there something weird about this, or is it okay and normal? I am trying to figure out why I am jealous when she does this and why I don't think she should. He has always spoiled her, which I don't mind at all because I spoiled her too. But somehow, I think her sitting in his lap is inappropriate. Am I being ridiculous?
Why not next time take a “surprise” photo. Get it printed at a reasonable size, frame it and put it somewhere prominent. Then they’ll see exactly what they look like and will probably feel uncomfortable about it.

You may have a “Little Princes” on your hands. May be something to do with an Oedipus complex Oedipus complex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. If so your daughter may well be doing it to make you feel jealous.

Bob
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Old 11-12-2010, 09:04 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

I need more here. In what context does she do it? Does she do it for a second and gets up? Does she do it for 10 minutes while talking to him?

Is a bit strange? Yeah, i'd say so.

Would i really be troubled? I'm not ready to go there with you yet. We live in a society where many women have dating trouble because either they had no father in their life, or they barely knew their father because they were out working all the time. If the OP's daughter has a special "bond" with her father... i really don't see anything wrong with that. As long as there isn't anything weird beyond that going on, i wouldn't really approach this if i were you. You could have both parties turn on you if you handle this the wrong way.
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Old 11-12-2010, 12:52 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

My daughter's 10, and I love it when she sits in my lap, and I do pick her up and carry her (mostly when she won't get out of bed!), but age 20 is just too weird! I know I'm going to have to stop soon-the teenage storm isn't far off, and my back ain't what it used to be.
At 20, I see nothing wrong with her snuggling up to dad and laying her head on his shoulder, but sitting in the lap is just too, mmm, awkward.
Does she do this in front of others, or only in front of the nuclear family?
And you say you're jealous? A wife sitting in hubby's lap is cute and playfully romantic, so I could see the jealousy of wanting that space to yourself, but maybe you envy the closeness of your H/daughter?
Perhaps your own father wasn't that close or affectionate towards you, and you are lamenting your lost years?
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Old 11-12-2010, 12:55 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Daughter in daddy's lap

And, I sorta agree with Rob774, while I think that the lap thing is awkward, I'd be glad that she has a close bond with her father-too many young women don't, and they start looking for male attention elsewhere, and too many scumbags take full advantage of this.
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