married to fast...
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Old 07-30-2008, 05:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default married to fast...

my husband and i got married after knowing each other for only two months. we knew it was quick, but we also felt that we didn't need to wait because we love each other. we've been married for two weeks and the problems seem to be never ending.

the biggest problem is communication. he doesn't do it... when we talk, it consists of him telling me how it's gonna be, me giving him my opinion and him saying "okay" to make it go away. the only time we really get anything accomplished is thru texting... which is kind of ridiculous.

our living situation is a big part of it for sure. we are currently staying in an apartment rent free. my husband is kind of the caretaker. at any given time we have between 2 and 6 people staying with us. we have our own room, but it's still not ideal for a newly married couple. because of our living circumstances, he has decided that we can only have sex when no one is home or everyone's asleep, which i completely disagree with. especially since we waited for sex until we were married. after discussing the problem with my mom, i told him that i had thought about it and that it was fine. that perhaps we could plan around the other people living with us. maybe take a long lunch one day or get a hotel room for an evening. the problem with anything like my response is that anytime i bring up sex he says that i think of nothing but sex. which is not true. however, i'm a 20 year old newly married bride who wants desperately to be with her husband. but every time we do make love, i feel like i have to drag it out of him. and it's not that he's embarrased. he was extremely promiscuous up until about 6 months before we met. i'm really not sure what's going on. he says that once we move into our own apartment (on aug15) everything will be fine, but i don't know...

another issue is that he told me he feels like he has no authority in our relationship and he feels that he should as the man. which i agree with. but he gets bent out of shape over tiny things. like the other day on the way to our friend's house i had the AC on in the car and after awhile he turned the air off completely. awhile later, i wanted some air circulating so i just turned the fan on and left the AC off. and that's when the "i feel like i have no authority in our relationship" thing started. because i turned the air on... things like, i wanted to have my wedding ring sized before the wedding and he didn't want me to.

for the past two nights he's fallen asleep on the couch reading and he doesn't understand why it kind of upsets me. his excuse is "you don't even notice until you wake up." is it wrong to want my husband to sleep in the same bed as me?

also, he thinks that i have "a thing" with one of my friends because i met him for lunch the other day on base... in uniform... the guy was at our wedding!!! come on. he is still friends and wants me to be friends with 2 of his ex's. i'm not friends with any of mine. this is just one of my guy friends here. but i went with it. deleted his number completely. because i don't think it's worth making more problems in our relationship...

apparently marriage isn't what he expected it to be. he was expecting his parent's relationship. what he doesn't understand is that everyone has to start somewhere. we can't start out with a perfect marriage with a house and a dog and three kids. i can't have dinner waiting when he walks thru the door. we have work schedules that don't work that way. i just need advice on how to make him happy. i want my husband to be happy.
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Old 07-31-2008, 02:33 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: married to fast...

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Originally Posted by vitani88 View Post
the problem with anything like my response is that anytime i bring up sex he says that i think of nothing but sex. which is not true. however, i'm a 20 year old newly married bride who wants desperately to be with her husband. but every time we do make love, i feel like i have to drag it out of him. and it's not that he's embarrased. he was extremely promiscuous up until about 6 months before we met. i'm really not sure what's going on.
I went through this with my husband. he didnt want to have sex with me. No apparent reason for it and he would say he was attracted to me. I would try and drag it out of him, try to do things i thought would turn him on, sometimes it worked but i was always restless. believe me, do not do this. you will only end up humiliating yourself and become resentful. If he says he doesnt want to do it, respect his boundaries and back off. Let him come to you. I know it sucks, believe me, but it will be worth it in the long run. Just remember it has nothing to do with you. There is something going on with him that he'll need to deal with. Its not you.

I found out why my husband didnt want to have sex with me. I am in no way saying this is what's going on with your husband. this was just my own personal experience. i put spyware on his computer and found so much porn i went into shock. Again im not saying this is what's going on with your husband. but what you've written sounds very similar to what i went through.

Most couples have these issues whether they've been together two months or ten years. I dated my husband for two years before we got married. Now i feel like i never knew him. I would really suggest you start reading about boundaries. He sounds like a very controlling man and it can be easy for you to get caught up in his demands, and in thinking you are responsible for his happiness.
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Old 08-04-2008, 10:42 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: married to fast...

Aug 15 is not too far away. I'd wait until you get your own place and see how things go from there. It's very unsettling as a newly married couple to be living in close quarters with others.

When you do get your own place, pick out things together...whether it's towels, pictures, furniture. I would think the more decisions you make together, the more you will feel like husband/wife forging ahead together and the way to make him feel less 'controlled' is for you to ask him his opinion first.
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Old 08-14-2008, 01:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: married to fast...

I think that both of you really need to learn what makes a good marriage because I don't see either of you having it right.

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