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Old 12-16-2011, 11:34 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

2 sick -you are not going to like my response to this one. You know I have a 100% transparent marraige, you know I WANT this, you know sometimes the truth is not pretty. I have asked my husband this question, among many possible "What If's" -- that could befall us in our future. I like to gauge where HE is, how he thinks, FEELS on a gammet of issues that may affect our sex life. As that is very important to me.


This is one of them... He has told me if I gained "too much" -likely 20 lbs would do it ...... he WOULD loose desire for me, he would never leave me, always love me - but the sex would dry up- he even went as far as to say, he probably couldn't get it up ! I was not offended , cause if he gained too much, I wouldn't be raving over his body either !! I know what I like as well... I like a flat stomach on a man or It is a bit repulsing to me, I do not even like "too much" muscle, that turns me off too, while some women get turned on by that.

I have a male friend who LOVES large women, thin does NOT do it for him, and he married my over 200 lb friend, happily married over 20 yrs, he likes sex more than her, always has! Just saying, with her man, it is not a concern I guess.

Women will always be offended by these questions and responses. But seriously, can we change what turns us on??? I think a Kurt Cobain's Look is rocking gorgeous, many would think I am nuts, he looks so grungy, but to me...it is ...Oh Baby"!! It is the same with men, they can not turn it off and turn it on, it is one of their honest weaknesses that women DESPISE. Women generally are NOT as visual as men (though I think I am close-even if my taste is odd).

Some may call my husband and me shallow -but are we? There are other issues WE are more lenient on that many on this forum wouldn't be....but in this issue ...this is very very important TO US...therefore to our marraige , to the best of our ability. If it is important to one spouse, it NEEDS to become important to the other .....in helping the marraige go forth.

Just as BAD NEWS has been falling down on the job in the Romance Dept is sounds, and not spending enough time with you, instead of taking off to visit relatives on your birthday, you have a GOOD GRIPE against him here. And you as well need to be HONEST in it -it upsets you.


Saying he would not longer LOVE you, well, I bet he really didn't mean it that way, likely a slip of words, not everyone expresses themselves in the best fashion when under fire.

But HE has his part in this as well , not just throwing truths out there without his role of support ..... sounds you was trying to get more in shape but he was pushing more than you could, given your MS limitations here....well he should be putting a little more ongoing effort HERE as you have demonstrated you are trying!


I know this is an old thread, maybe you are beyond these things now, but wanted to take a stab at it.


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Old 12-16-2011, 12:50 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

2sick, like you my wife also has m.s. at one time she was a serious gym rat. kept herself trim and tight. since her m.s has come on(approx 8 years), she frankly has put on quite abit of weight. my only consirn is for her health,i still find her sexy,she has just had a new surgery called ccsvi, so far she's having way better than expected results. your husband in my opinion is being a butthead.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
2 sick -you are not going to like my response to this one. You know I have a 100% transparent marraige, you know I WANT this, you know sometimes the truth is not pretty. I have asked my husband this question, among many possible "What If's" -- that could befall us in our future. I like to gauge where HE is, how he thinks, FEELS on a gammet of issues that may affect our sex life. As that is very important to me.


This is one of them... He has told me if I gained "too much" -likely 20 lbs would do it ...... he WOULD loose desire for me, he would never leave me, always love me - but the sex would dry up- he even went as far as to say, he probably couldn't get it up ! I was not offended , cause if he gained too much, I wouldn't be raving over his body either !! I know what I like as well... I like a flat stomach on a man or It is a bit repulsing to me, I do not even like "too much" muscle, that turns me off too, while some women get turned on by that.

I have a male friend who LOVES large women, thin does NOT do it for him, and he married my over 200 lb friend, happily married over 20 yrs, he likes sex more than her, always has! Just saying, with her man, it is not a concern I guess.

Women will always be offended by these questions and responses. But seriously, can we change what turns us on??? I think a Kurt Cobain's Look is rocking gorgeous, many would think I am nuts, he looks so grungy, but to me...it is ...Oh Baby"!! It is the same with men, they can not turn it off and turn it on, it is one of their honest weaknesses that women DESPISE. Women generally are NOT as visual as men (though I think I am close-even if my taste is odd).

Some may call my husband and me shallow -but are we? There are other issues WE are more lenient on that many on this forum wouldn't be....but in this issue ...this is very very important TO US...therefore to our marraige , to the best of our ability. If it is important to one spouse, it NEEDS to become important to the other .....in helping the marraige go forth.

Just as BAD NEWS has been falling down on the job in the Romance Dept is sounds, and not spending enough time with you, instead of taking off to visit relatives on your birthday, you have a GOOD GRIPE against him here. And you as well need to be HONEST in it -it upsets you.


Saying he would not longer LOVE you, well, I bet he really didn't mean it that way, likely a slip of words, not everyone expresses themselves in the best fashion when under fire.

But HE has his part in this as well , not just throwing truths out there without his role of support ..... sounds you was trying to get more in shape but he was pushing more than you could, given your MS limitations here....well he should be putting a little more ongoing effort HERE as you have demonstrated you are trying!


I know this is an old thread, maybe you are beyond these things now, but wanted to take a stab at it.

LOL!! Didn't think this would be true..... I finally disagree with you!!!

I find it very hard to solely relate attraction to purely physical. We are all going to get old...things are going to sag... hair is going to disappear...but I hope the sexual attraction will always be there! Bad News is EXTREMELY HOT!!!! but I am attracted to the inside, the looks he gives me, things that no one can see!! The physical appearance is for everyone to lust after, the other is just for me!!! I don't know if that makes sense.

BTW lost more than the 20lbs (34 to be exact) Learned protein and good carbs are the way, and light weights when doing PT.
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Old 12-16-2011, 01:54 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

Yes, I'd still love her. A few years ago she about 40lbs heavier than now. We have both lost weight together.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:03 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

Why would weight gain stop the love? I'd still love my husband if he gained weight.

Attraction might wane (if it was really a lot of weight), but...I'd still love him.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:19 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

a reasonable amount of weight gain 20 lbs or less (my opinion on whats reasonable)

would not bother me.

but anything over that and it would start to decrease my desire for her.

20 lbs in a fair bit of extra weight to carry around and not the healthiest for ya.

could also make sex more difficult with positions not to mention some women would feel self concious about it so now the lights have to be off.

its best to try to stay attractive for your mate.
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Old 12-16-2011, 02:24 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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a reasonable amount of weight gain 20 lbs or less (my opinion on whats reasonable)

would not bother me.

but anything over that and it would start to decrease my desire for her.

20 lbs in a fair bit of extra weight to carry around and not the healthiest for ya.

could also make sex more difficult with positions not to mention some women would feel self concious about it so now the lights have to be off.

its best to try to stay attractive for your mate.

But would you stop loving her? I dunno...it's a weird question. I love my friends who are large...I am not attracted to them, but I love who they are. I feel the same about my husband...unless he gained weight and a douche attitude.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:17 PM   #23 (permalink)
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I gained 100 pounds per child. I easily took it off through running. I was running with my last child 1 week after delivering her. I was running 36 miles a week and very thin. However, I broke my neck, herniated 3 discs and the surgeon fixed one of the three. I have permanent spinal cord damage and I live in severe pain 24/7. I spend most my day resting and icing my neck. I easily gained 30 pounds by not changing my eating habits. My husband did not say a word, nor did I think he cared. Last year I decided it was time to watch what I eat. I did just that and I've lost 20 of the 30 pounds. I may have lost more then 20, I haven't been on the scale lately and my jeans are a bit loose.

My husband says I look great. My body has changed and I'm no longer toned. I do manage the stationary bike on my good days. I love to exercise, but cardio is no longer for me. I miss running dearly. I still have the motivation to run. Right before I broke my neck I bought new running shoes. They are in the closet waiting for a medical miracle.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:24 PM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

My wife could gain up to 20 lbs and I`d be just fine, might actually be kind of fun.

Over 20 lbs and we`re negotiating.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:32 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by 2sick View Post
LOL!! Didn't think this would be true..... I finally disagree with you!!!

I find it very hard to solely relate attraction to purely physical. We are all going to get old...things are going to sag... hair is going to disappear...but I hope the sexual attraction will always be there! Bad News is EXTREMELY HOT!!!! but I am attracted to the inside, the looks he gives me, things that no one can see!! The physical appearance is for everyone to lust after, the other is just for me!!! I don't know if that makes sense.

BTW lost more than the 20lbs (34 to be exact) Learned protein and good carbs are the way, and light weights when doing PT.
Great, so you lost the weight. How are things with your husband now? Has he increased the romance now?
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:37 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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LOL!! Didn't think this would be true..... I finally disagree with you!!!

Here is the thing, it simply doesn't matter if you agree with me, or every woman and man on this forum agrees with you on this thread..... it ONLY MATTERS how your husband feels- cause it is his DESIRE that is going to make your life sweeter & your bedroom experience more passionate.

Me & mine totally understand lines will come, brown spots , gray hair, receeding hair lines, a sag here, a sag there, varacose veins, whatever ....obviously some things we have no control over as we AGE .....I don't classify these things in the same category as "gaining 20 lbs +" , which can generally be controlled unless one has a health condition. How often is that - less than 10% of the time, I don't know the statistics.

Quote:
BTW lost more than the 20lbs (34 to be exact) Learned protein and good carbs are the way, and light weights when doing PT
See you did what he desired even if you wanted to chop his head off when he said what he said, even thought to divorce him, then loose it ! Ha ha, how our initial outrage gets the best of us. Though maybe that was over the love comment. He went too far there, did he mean that part?

And I just bet he has been giving you more compliments , flirting a little more , I bet it even improved the emotional for you -as you came his way as well.....Come on, did it UP his desire or not ???? And what about you, are you going to say it didn't make you feel better -about yourself as well ???



Quote:
I find it very hard to solely relate attraction to purely physical. We are all going to get old...things are going to sag... hair is going to disappear...but I hope the sexual attraction will always be there! Bad News is EXTREMELY HOT!!!! but I am attracted to the inside, the looks he gives me, things that no one can see!! The physical appearance is for everyone to lust after, the other is just for me!!! I don't know if that makes sense
Of course these things make sense, Love gives the ability over the years, to still look into our lovers eyes and still capture that spirit of youth, you still see the Stud admists the grey, or he sees that hot beauty you were in that old dress he loved so much. Memories flood us in the emotional connection at any age. Love gives us such an ability.

Maybe it is a mental thing-we ascend too , I don't know. But being able to wrap our arms around our lover and still feel our hands on the other side will sure make this easier.


But when a spouse carelessly gains without care to how it affects his/her other half, this can do damage to the relationship....

I will never forget talking to this one man, he was never attracted to his wife, but married her anyway cause she was a good woman, his christian friends said "beauty doesn't matter" - he bought into it, guess what, she gained over 80 lbs, he is repulsed, but all along didn't have the heart to tell her how he was feeling (no transparency there) he wore a mask his entire marraige..you know what it did..., he got so depressed he had to be put on meds, then his Test levels plummeted to under normal, last I heard from him, he was going to do a blog on how vital the role of attraction is when you marry someone . very very sad story he has. The only reason he stays with this woman is his faith, what a sad sad marraige indeed.

Initial Attraction is very important...and maintenance after the wedding.

That is my position. Sorry it if offends some. I would only want to be with someone who felt the same, cause otherwise I would be harping on him about his added weight gain, so best to marry someone who has the same views. I accually feel this subject should be talked well before marraige.

It is that important- as it causes alot of hurt feelings down the road on both sides, it is a "working" within the marriage just like other goals -financial, where you live....and how we take care of ourselves to maintain attraction no matter our age.

Last edited by SimplyAmorous; 12-16-2011 at 03:41 PM.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:54 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Here is the thing, it simply doesn't matter if you agree with me, or every woman and man on this forum agrees with you on this thread..... it ONLY MATTERS how your husband feels- cause it is his DESIRE that is going to make your life sweeter & your bedroom experience more passionate.

Me & mine totally understand lines will come, brown spots , gray hair, receeding hair lines, a sag here, a sag there, varacose veins, whatever ....obviously some things we have no control over as we AGE .....I don't classify these things in the same category as "gaining 20 lbs +" , which can generally be controlled unless one has a health condition. How often is that - less than 10% of the time, I don't know the statistics.
SA,

Thank you for posting this. When I first came to this site, some of the same women were pretty critical of me when I mentioned my own struggles with my wife's eating addiction. Its definately a subject that can't be discussed on this site. Its refreshing to see a woman who tries to understand that most men aren't just selfish neanderthals in this respect - we feel guilt over the whole attraction issue too.
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Old 12-16-2011, 03:56 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Old 12-16-2011, 04:55 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Me & mine totally understand lines will come, brown spots , gray hair, receeding hair lines, a sag here, a sag there, varacose veins, whatever ....obviously some things we have no control over as we AGE .....I don't classify these things in the same category as "gaining 20 lbs +" , which can generally be controlled unless one has a health condition. How often is that - less than 10% of the time, I don't know the statistics.

But I am in that 10%!!! And as that % I do find it shallow on his part... for you and your h you both have an understanding and that is fine. I had actually gained almost 80lbs when I was pregnant with my first child ( and close there to for the second). We both got out of shape but the love and the attraction hadn't changed. We both lost the weight but when my mother had past I had gained an extraordinary amount of weight back because I couldn't keep it off for some reason (didn't change eating habits didn't change exercise habit). I had ballooned up 50 lbs. By the time I posted the OP I had lost 30 lbs in spite of the ms...Took diet pills, atkins...whatever would work. (NOTE: I have always been subconscious of weight and as such as a teen I was quasi bulimic ...wouldn't throw-up but would take laxatives over exercise) I was hurt by his comment because WE BOTH had been fat slobs and he was just as freaky and attracted to me (I knew then that I had found my soul mate because he loved me for me not for just some hot chick that ANYONE could love) then all of a sudden he is now stuck on looks?!?!?!?

We find it funny now because he doesn't even remember saying it. In fact he says "I would never have said something like that!!"...even though when I asked him well what would you do if I gained 80lb....his response...I guess I could try to love a fatty?!?!?!


[/QUOTE]See you did what he desired even if you wanted to chop his head off when he said what he said, even thought to divorce him, then loose it ! Ha ha, how our initial outrage gets the best of us. Though maybe that was over the love comment. He went too far there, did he mean that part?

And I just bet he has been giving you more compliments , flirting a little more , I bet it even improved the emotional for you -as you came his way as well.....Come on, did it UP his desire or not ???? And what about you, are you going to say it didn't make you feel better -about yourself as well ???[/QUOTE]

Actually, I initially lost the weight to spite him, because he said he will overlook all the other issues if you lose 20lbs (so he would put his $ where is mouth was)!!! HMMM still waiting!! I Just joking!!! He has come sooooo far!!!! Now I am keeping the weight off for him! Although I still COMPLETELY disagree with the physical thang!!!
Yes he does spank my a$$ more but I hope when it reaches my knees he will still want to spank it!!! Regarding my health, my symptoms haven't decreased, I still have the same pain and problems I did 30lbs heavier. I have admittedly fallen back in the quasi bulimic state of mind...I guess it doesn't matter who the man is, physical will always matter...Sadly I thought that immature mindset was behind...but I'm wrong. Like you said, I'm doing it for him. I can only hope he will sacrifice some of the things he hold dear to him to hold on to me too!!!


[/QUOTE]Of course these things make sense, Love gives the ability over the years, to still look into our lovers eyes and still capture that spirit of youth, you still see the Stud admists the grey, or he sees that hot beauty you were in that old dress he loved so much. Memories flood us in the emotional connection at any age. Love gives us such an ability. [/QUOTE]
Why does it have to start when you get old?!?!?!? I want the man I have vowed to love till death do us part (not fat...baldness..or illness) to find me hot no matter what!!! I agree whole-heartedly with part of what you said "love gives the abiltity...."Why can't it start now?!?
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Old 12-16-2011, 06:01 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

See , sometimes we speak out of our butts, he doesn't even remember what he said ....good ! This is why we must continually keep forgiving, he seems to have a good attitude about it now... and you don't seem overly offended here
Quote:
even though when I asked him well what would you do if I gained 80lb....his response...I guess I could try to love a fatty?!?!?!
If this doesn't offend you -good for you !! Progress. For instance, none of us are the BOMB

....my dad is falling apart, he has R Arthristis, needs to be on cancer drugs it is so bad, constant surgerys to his neck (God I hope I take after my mothers health as I age)....but she & HE joke around about his health issues, it just relieves the stress somehow, he is not offended by this at all.

Kinda like the attitude of this..



She loves him to peices, even got me crying in the hospital waiting room about how much she loves him -while he was getting delicate neck surgery. IF something happened to him, she could never love another man.

Their looks are going down fast, I know she still sees him as he was somehow. I don't know, I don't like getting older, I wish I could bottle it all !! Not one of my favorite subjects.

Quote:
I can only hope he will sacrifice some of the things he hold dear to him to hold on to me too!!!
Amen to that.

Well are you satisfied with your sex life or not satisfied, do you feel desire is lacking on his part ? Keep in mind also....as men age, it is simply NOT as hot & heavy as it once was.

If I had a time machine, that is all I would go back for !!
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