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Old 12-16-2011, 06:18 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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can we change what turns us on???
Actually, contrary to one of the most highly held opinions out there, yes, you can change what turns you on. Attraction varies from society to society, from time period to time period. So, it is not "in your DNA" (despite what many, many people will argue or think). It is socially constructed--meaning, we buy into what our society says. Our brains become conditioned in this way, so the belief that we "can't" change attraction is pretty strong, and it is accompanied by an equally strongly desire NOT to change.

Just thought I'd throw this in here. Obviously, people who put less emphasis on the physical component of attraction are going to have an easier time with aging, weight gain, etc, b/c they won't have to "recondition" their attraction--the inner beauty that they love is still there, so their attraction remains just as strong even when physical change happens.
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Old 12-16-2011, 06:21 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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But would you stop loving her? I dunno...it's a weird question. I love my friends who are large...I am not attracted to them, but I love who they are. I feel the same about my husband...unless he gained weight and a douche attitude.
well I would still love her as a person and the mother of my children. But my sexuall desire would be less.and my opinion of her would be less. If you don't respect your self enough to stay in shape and healthy and are indiferent to what I like then she would be not trying.

again I'm talking unhealthy weight gain. not normal weight gain through aging or some sort of health problem.

It would be like if your husband decided to not care as much about you emotional needs. maybe he dosn't pay attention to your stories as much would you still love him.and then pretty soon he don't care about much you have to say it would still be him so would you still love him
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Old 12-16-2011, 06:59 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

Here's another thought.

In the past, if we were talking about a man who traded in wives as they reached 35-40 (Johnny Carson comes to mind), we'd be thinking he was a total d*ck because he couldn't see beauty in an aging woman.

Now, however, "oh, well, that's just his 'preference.'"

It seems to me that as a society we have become increasingly superficial even within the context of relationships. Men found all sorts of women sexy and attractive throughout history, but now there are people out there claiming that there is some type of "human preference" for the Western world's "model type." (I wonder how people in Asia and Africa would feel about that?)

It's as though we are increasingly making physical appearance the *sole* criteria for attractiveness, particularly when it comes to women. This whole "attraction and love are different things" argument--can you imagine your grandparents, or great-grandparents, having that discussion? Yes, the physical plays a role in the initial visual-but humans would not have survived as a species if people had high standards before they could feel sexual attraction to a member of the opposite sex! So men and women must have felt sexual attraction to one another on a pretty wide scale.

But today, it's ok to say you won't feel sexual attraction to a member of the opposite sex--whom you allegedly love--if their weight changes by 20 lbs?

I have read enough responses to realize that a lot of people are not that shallow, thank goodness!

edit: morbid obesity is a different matter--that's a medical term, and it is related to the point at which the weight itself creates health problems. You can be overweight and otherwise perfectly healthy from a medical perspective-- healthy in terms of blood pressure, ability to exercise, cholesterol, etc., the things that affect longevity and mobility. Morbid obesity is a completely different thing
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Old 12-16-2011, 07:05 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

In our case, there's no "If" about it and I absolutely love her.
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Old 12-16-2011, 07:47 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

I find it hard to believe that anyone... male or female get their panties in a wad about 20 lbs. Wow. I hope, really, that that is the worst thing that happens during your marriage then.
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:28 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

Twenty pounds on my husband is a LOT He looks so cute though all chubby I look at old pics when he was heavier and he looks so cuddly!

I am about 20 pounds from my ideal "feel good/healthy" weight. Workin' on it, but in the meantime, just workin' with what I got Boobs and a butt.
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:33 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
See , sometimes we speak out of our butts, he doesn't even remember what he said ....good ! This is why we must continually keep forgiving, he seems to have a good attitude about it now... and you don't seem overly offended here

If this doesn't offend you -good for you !! Progress. For instance, none of us are the BOMB

....my dad is falling apart, he has R Arthristis, needs to be on cancer drugs it is so bad, constant surgerys to his neck (God I hope I take after my mothers health as I age)....but she & HE joke around about his health issues, it just relieves the stress somehow, he is not offended by this at all.

Kinda like the attitude of this..



She loves him to peices, even got me crying in the hospital waiting room about how much she loves him -while he was getting delicate neck surgery. IF something happened to him, she could never love another man.

Their looks are going down fast, I know she still sees him as he was somehow. I don't know, I don't like getting older, I wish I could bottle it all !! Not one of my favorite subjects.

Amen to that.

Well are you satisfied with your sex life or not satisfied, do you feel desire is lacking on his part ? Keep in mind also....as men age, it is simply NOT as hot & heavy as it once was.

If I had a time machine, that is all I would go back for !!
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My prayers are with him and the rest of the family! Your mom sounds so sweet!! I guess maybe I'm being naive to think that kind of cat in the hat can be true for even the younger couples? (BTW TOOOO freak'n funny!!! I'm going to cut and paste that one!!!)

Getting old is definitely for the strong at heart its a BIOTCH fur sure!!

OOOH yeah!!! His sex drive is still in overdrive!!!! I'm that way...when I want it it's ALWAYS there!!! I'm even started to kick it up a notch! We are definitely getting back to where we were years ago...still have work ( but, hey, life is a work in progress)!!!

Thanks for your input, it is truly appreciated by BOTH of us!!!
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:34 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Twenty pounds on my husband is a LOT He looks so cute though all chubby I look at old pics when he was heavier and he looks so cuddly!

I am about 20 pounds from my ideal "feel good/healthy" weight. Workin' on it, but in the meantime, just workin' with what I got Boobs and a butt.
WORK it that_girl!!! BTW,I'm a little late, but glad to see you back!!!
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:36 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by sisters359 View Post
Actually, contrary to one of the most highly held opinions out there, yes, you can change what turns you on. Attraction varies from society to society, from time period to time period. So, it is not "in your DNA" (despite what many, many people will argue or think). It is socially constructed--meaning, we buy into what our society says. Our brains become conditioned in this way, so the belief that we "can't" change attraction is pretty strong, and it is accompanied by an equally strongly desire NOT to change.

Just thought I'd throw this in here. Obviously, people who put less emphasis on the physical component of attraction are going to have an easier time with aging, weight gain, etc, b/c they won't have to "recondition" their attraction--the inner beauty that they love is still there, so their attraction remains just as strong even when physical change happens.
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Old 12-17-2011, 03:53 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

Best of luck 20lbs is nothing really!!
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Old 12-17-2011, 04:06 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Originally Posted by sisters359 View Post
Actually, contrary to one of the most highly held opinions out there, yes, you can change what turns you on. Attraction varies from society to society, from time period to time period. So, it is not "in your DNA" (despite what many, many people will argue or think). It is socially constructed--meaning, we buy into what our society says. Our brains become conditioned in this way, so the belief that we "can't" change attraction is pretty strong, and it is accompanied by an equally strongly desire NOT to change.

Just thought I'd throw this in here. Obviously, people who put less emphasis on the physical component of attraction are going to have an easier time with aging, weight gain, etc, b/c they won't have to "recondition" their attraction--the inner beauty that they love is still there, so their attraction remains just as strong even when physical change happens.


I am so glad someone else is saying this. I was beginning to think there were no other folks with this perspective on TAM!
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Old 12-17-2011, 05:34 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

everybody draws the line somewhere.

at 2o lbs over I'd start losing attraction
at 50 i"d be advoiding sex
at 100 i"d be out the door.


so you women say love should be blind i guess if your husband gained 100 or more you would still be sexually attracted to him as much as when he was much thinner and healthier. I say boloana

most everyone has a point where you say hmmmmmm this is crazy they arnd't even trying to look good and its just disgusting.and unhealthy and I might end up being their care taker because of their slothness and udder disreguard for their health and the consaquence to the love one around them. its like being a drug addict or alcholic.
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Old 12-17-2011, 06:18 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My prayers are with him and the rest of the family! Your mom sounds so sweet!! I guess maybe I'm being naive to think that kind of cat in the hat can be true for even the younger couples? (BTW TOOOO freak'n funny!!! I'm going to cut and paste that one!!!)
It it not my Mom, it is my step Mom, I never even liked her while growing up, she was TOUGH on me, didn't want me there, wanted my dad all to herself.... but we get along really good today, and thier marriage was a great example to me -even if the parenting left much to be desired .... I have always LOVED & so appreciated how much she loves my father, she was HIS perfect match- even though she was my mom's best friend ! Some marraiges was just never meant to be.

One of their issues (among a bucketful) was my mom was not sexually attracted to him, he was a little on the husky side and she told me some yrs ago, she had a thing for really THIN men...funny cause her alcoholic husband was even weasel looking but I guess he turned her on more than my dad -most would say she was out of her mind.

My husband was not a barrel of entertainment when I met him, he was very shy & not exactly the type women go after.... what did it for me ....HIS LOOKS -his body - he was very thin....thin turns me on. I am admittably one of those people that ....yeah, that means something to me, and I see sexual attraction as "the glue", it can even carry you through the harder times.

It doesn't bother me that others find this shallow, even if they judge me , I totally totally expect this response. Most will not be honest about this subject anyway.... how many people do you know who want to open themselves up to attack , be told they are uncaring and unloving and be told they are happy they aren't married to our type ??



Quote:
OOOH yeah!!! His sex drive is still in overdrive!!!! I'm that way...when I want it it's ALWAYS there!!! I'm even started to kick it up a notch! We are definitely getting back to where we were years ago...still have work ( but, hey, life is a work in progress)!!!
Honey , if you got the SEX down , doesn't sound like any attraction issues to me!! If he is raring to go...as you just described here in these couples sentences, you are well on your way .... Keep it going Bad News ! Sounds like she is rreaaallllly Happy these days !

I am even a little jealous ....I wish my husband was in "OVER DRIVE" , oh how I wish. I still have to get him going much of the time. You got me envious!
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Old 12-18-2011, 03:03 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would you still love your wife if she gained weight?

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Honey , if you got the SEX down , doesn't sound like any attraction issues to me!! If he is raring to go...as you just described here in these couples sentences, you are well on your way .... Keep it going Bad News ! Sounds like she is rreaaallllly Happy these days !

I am even a little jealous ....I wish my husband was in "OVER DRIVE" , oh how I wish. I still have to get him going much of the time. You got me envious!
SA - I definitely plan on keep it up, uh I mean keeping it going! For the record, 2sick (the OP) has always looked terrific, and her best feature has been concealed in this recent photo!

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Old 12-18-2011, 06:07 PM   #45 (permalink)
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SA - I definitely plan on keep it up, uh I mean keeping it going! For the record, 2sick (the OP) has always looked terrific, and her best feature has been concealed in this recent photo!
Oh that is sooo sweet!! She might want to beat you for putting that picture on here but ...maybe that will be a goood thing! Ha ha

I was talking to my husband last night , I mentioned this thread , telling him I was jealous, I wished HE was in Overdrive... and he says back to me.... " I wish I still had Overdrive, that part of the transmission went out". Love the man's honesty- I do, but damn, I wish I had what you guys got going on!

But it is not like I am going to trade him in for some hot young stud ya know (of course when I was high high drive that thought did cross my mind-nasty of me I know, but again because I am so attracted to him -that GLUE, I just wouldn't do that !!!)... I had to learn , which took me a little time in my newly awakened cougar state .......what is most important in marriage is that ...."emotional connection" we share with each other....this is what drives my husband , this coupled with his attraction for me.

....But his raging LUSTful urges of yesterday are GONE, they are done.... for a time I cried over this. I would have to starve him for like 6 days or more to get that , for him coming on to me like he is dying for it - I don't know, cause we don't wait that long to find out.

Though I can get him going just fine, it still would be heavensent to feel his passion like a man who NEEDED it right now! You lucky dogs!!

We also talked more about the weight thing, he couldn't give me a LB amount where he feels "the desire" would be lost as he says he never seen me like that (other than pregnant which never slowed anything down), but he is thinking if I gained like 30 or more, the desire would be slipping. Then adds even if I gained a 1,000 lbs he would still "love" me.

But here is the thing, if he didn't DESIRE me, I would be PISSED off !! Screw the love, I need his desire-- sex means too much to me! So you see, in our case, especially since he is a Lower Test man who doesn't get it "UP" with the wind blowing anymore, I MUST stay in good shape or I am only putting a fork into my own marriaige. It is extremely important to me -how he feels in this sense.

Looking Good 2 Sick!!
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