General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I watched Oprah the other day and she had Marie Osmond as a guest. She made a comment that I found very true. I wanted to know everyones opinion. She said that you marry at the level of your self esteem. Do you agree?
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No, not at all. I think one falls in love with someone that makes one happy.
I wouldn't believe Oprah if she told me the sky was blue.
Marie Osmond?!
C'mon, she's so talented that she got a spot on a Jenny Craig commercial.
Oprah's audience is not one that enjoys facing reality.
You can do better for daytime TV.
I have to say I agree, Marie may be a dud but she is rich with a lot of personal issues so I am sure that this little line she spat out on national TV is striaght from her shrink or a good book. Have you ever seen a really pretty girl with a not so good looking guy or the other way around? My mother always said to look at a persons partner, it will usually give you an indication of how they see themsleves, my mom too knows a thing or two bout therapy But at times I think we attract or bring into our lives people that are stable or reliable where we are not. This can get a little tricky as there are some people that are so unstable and emotionally unhealthy that they find some one is lets say a bit stronger or stable and the sick person starts sucking the life out of you. And I agree oppsites attract in the sense that there is always a performer and an audience, so for instance a really loud and funny person, need to be center of attention with a quiet passive partner, this is a good example of opposites. And then there is that chemical/energy kind of attraction which comes with strings that one better be able to stand, I don't think there are any absolute answers but these are my thoughts
I have to say I agree, Marie may be a dud but she is rich with a lot of personal issues so I am sure that this little line she spat out on national TV is striaght from her shrink or a good book. Have you ever seen a really pretty girl with a not so good looking guy or the other way around? My mother always said to look at a persons partner, it will usually give you an indication of how they see themsleves, my mom too knows a thing or two bout therapy But at times I think we attract or bring into our lives people that are stable or reliable where we are not. This can get a little tricky as there are some people that are so unstable and emotionally unhealthy that they find some one is lets say a bit stronger or stable and the sick person starts sucking the life out of you. And I agree oppsites attract in the sense that there is always a performer and an audience, so for instance a really loud and funny person, need to be center of attention with a quiet passive partner, this is a good example of opposites. And then there is that chemical/energy kind of attraction which comes with strings that one better be able to stand, I don't think there are any absolute answers but these are my thoughts
That is a really good way of putting it.... Thanks
oppsites attract in the sense that there is always a performer and an audience, so for instance a really loud and funny person, need to be center of attention with a quiet passive partner, this is a good example of opposites.
I agree different temperments often attract - me & hubby are very different & it has been a very good thing. I cause the excitement & drama, he maintains the calm & stability.
I also agree that people generally hook up with someone similar in self esteem as themselves. My then boyfriend/now husband was quiet shy & backwards, not the most confident guy around. I was lacking in self esteem back in those days -due to dysfunctional issues at home, I had chips on my shoulder & not anyone popular in school by any means. I held my own, but had a very "I dont care" attitude about people in general. He found me, pursued me, seen something good. I helped complete him, he helped complete me.
We are both much more confident NOW than we was when we met. We grew together, bringing out the best in each other along the way.
One doesn't have to stay stuck with low self -esteem by any means. If one partner grows & the other stays stagnant, feeling they are less worthy, I think it could cause problems in any relationship, jeolousy will rear it's ugly head and many unsettling things.
When I met my husband (and my ex for that matter) I was in the mindframe that I was pretty much unwanted, worthless, repulsive, and so strange that no one would ever have interest in me.
in fact, when I left my ex, I had only left because I'd decided I'd rather be alone and miserable, than with someone that made me miserable.
I am the classic cold chick when it comes to actual dating scenarios, I never catch on, I never play interested and its because I always assume no one would bother anyways..so my husband took interest, and i was so blown away and excited that anyone, especially someone good looking would have interest that I went skipping through the house. (I can be dramatic, its all in good fun)
To look at us now, where we are personally. You can see the difference between where I was when I met him, and where I am now. kind of harsh, but really true, and unfortunate for the both of us.
oprah winfrey and marie osmond...now there's an expert panel...on nothing. tell me what m.o OR o.w. could be considered an expert on?
I think this forum has by far more experts on marital issues. I think Oprah and Marie need to stick to magazine covers and diets.
Seriously though, I disagree with the self-esteem statement for two reasons. First, people with high self-esteem tend to have big egos. Therefore, they don't like competition. They tend to gravitate to people with lower self-esteem--those people tend to praise them and keep their self-esteem elevated. Second, people with low self-esteem tend to doubt themselves a lot. Hence, they derive encouragement from being around others who have a high self-esteem. It's a balancing act with the two extremes. However, I would agree that people who have moderate self-esteem do gravitate towards each other.
My study of 1 couple (me and my ex) would show the statement to be quite true. We both had horrible self-esteem, although I didn't realize he did for a long time. BUT, I worked on mine and he didn't. His unwillingess to change that (or anything), unwillingness to compromise, was a big issue in the "disconnect" that led to our divorce.
BTW, i have to say that people with healthy self-esteem don't care about competition from others, one way or another. Disliking competition, or craving it, are both signs of low self-esteem in my opinion. I love a great game that is well-played on both sides and do not care the least about winning or losing if it has been a good game and I've played well (in about any sense, sports, debates, etc.) and I leave feeling good about my efforts. I hate uneven matches, where one side demolishes the other--where is the fun in that? So as someone who usually feels good about herself, I'd say a big ego (in the common sense), isn't about healthy self-esteem; it's about over-compensating for the frightened, low esteem person hiding inside. This isn't meant disrespectfully; just an observation based again on nothing but my own life experience (ok, and a lot of reading, thinking, etc., but still not "documented" in any significant way).
Question!! 
Re: Question!! 
They say you are what you eat, so why not eat to promote passion, ultimate health and the utmost of sensuality? 
But at times I think we attract or bring into our lives people that are stable or reliable where we are not. This can get a little tricky as there are some people that are so unstable and emotionally unhealthy that they find some one is lets say a bit stronger or stable and the sick person starts sucking the life out of you. And I agree oppsites attract in the sense that there is always a performer and an audience, so for instance a really loud and funny person, need to be center of attention with a quiet passive partner, this is a good example of opposites. And then there is that chemical/energy kind of attraction which comes with strings that one better be able to stand, I don't think there are any absolute answers but these are my thoughts
I agree different temperments often attract - me & hubby are very different & it has been a very good thing. I cause the excitement & drama, he maintains the calm & stability. 
