I've been married for about one year - prior to that we've lived together for about four years. In our most recent "arguement" I was completly taken aback. Spouse went into almost a rage - like a child would throw a tantrum - knocking things over, throwing things, slamming doors, and saying that I act like a toddler and that he doesn't even want to live with me. (He did not hurt me or physically assault me.) Fast forward hours later when he's calmed down, and he's crying, apologetic, can't reason why he would say something like that, or act like it, etc. Is this normal? He's always had a bit of a temper, but this flare up is like a warning sign to me. We are having a rough patch in our relationship and I'm really left questioning it. Do all marriages in their first year have similiar problems? I feel like we should go to marriage consuling and he feels we can work things out on our own. I feel like that is his way of trying to control the situation more to his liking.
When I loose control of a situation or when I am left entirely in the dark, or when i find I have been lied to then Yeah my anger flairs like that....I sorta Black out...don't really know whats going on. I wouldn't say that it is intentional but when you suppress so much it can happen.
I have anger issues also. The hard thing about being the one that 'loses it' is its kind of normal to us and we dont see what we're doing so its not as traumatic as being the one on the receiving end. Its good that he's apologetic but its certainly not enough. His behavior is escalating and he needs to become aware of how serious it is. If he doesn't do something to manage it now, it could get physical. If he wont go to counseling with you, go on your own and he might follow later.
Never have serious discussions when you are alone with him. Always go for a walk, to the mall, somewhere you dont feel trapped. And never tolerate even the slightest outburst from him. If you feel him escalate even slightly, tell him, and then stop the conversation until he's agreed to talk calmly. If he wont stop you need to leave. The only way people with anger issues learn is to stop the behavior before it gets out of control.
And just from a personal insight-dont accept his apology until he's started doing something to change his behavior.
im sorry to say, that anger is very detrimental in many ways.
it pops it head up when you least expect it.
but unless you really look at change amongst you. it wil only get worse, before it "might" get better.
i found it better to stay away from hubby when he ws moody , and his anger flared.
unfortunately that took me years to learn.
also dont fuel the fire.
i know this might b hard, but say nothing.
we learnt my hubby ws depressed. but it took 13 years b 4 he would recognise himself as a problem with his behaviour ( so you could wait a while) - but hubby ws never physical.
ok psychological can be just as harming. but its a war of words, than a war of fists.
my hubby is on medication now - different man.
no rows. not moody. not aggressive.
we have tried different methods to combat his short fuse etc etc over the years. but they never really lasted.
but one thing i remember is he did look into anger management. it advised he write his feelings in a little notebook.
it did help, but only for a few months.
the antidepressant tablets he gets from his gp, seem to have been the longest he has been his best person.
you wil need to be a good woman and persistent ,that you want your hubby for a long time. because this wont just go away.
but you need to keep telling him how you feel and he needs to learn what he is doing.
also with my hubby - the family got together and we all told him, this jekyl and hyde was just to out of control.
i just dont think as a family, we could take it n e more.
Anger Management Issues?
