RPosie

Does anyone ever analyze themselves? I just came to the conclusion that I look to others (spouse, family, friends) for happiness when I really just need to learn to be happy with myself. I constantly seek others approval and need to learn to just take things as they are. I'm struggling because I tend to be a perfectionist, and right now things are anything but that so I'm learning to live with things the way they are, not the way I want them to be. It is a hard thing for me, so I was looking for advice on ways to be happy with myself. What do you do for inner peace?

827Aug

You pose an interesting question. And I too have been struggling with this issue. First, the counselor told me I couldn't make people happy and people couldn't me happy. He said that happiness comes from within oneself. Having said that I believe different things work for different people. In my case, I couldn't make sense of my "puzzle piece" life now. I felt as though I was all alone in a dark cave. Although controversial, I sought a phychic. She help me put some of the puzzle pieces back together and helped me to looked for a brighter future. Between her and prayer I'm gaining more inner peace. Oh, and the new counselor is helping too. She uses hypnosis to help me learn how to relax and let go of things I can not control. Good luck on your jouney to finding inner peace!

ljtseng

RPosie- I had this epiphany just a little while ago. I was watching Oprah and Dr. Martha Beck was telling a couple that they looked to external sources to give them inner calm. That's when i realized i was actually looking to my husband to make me happy. And when i really thought about it, i figured, how much sense does that make to expect someone else, who has just as many needs and issues as me, who probably doesnt know what happiness is either, how could they possibly make me happy?

Here's what ive learned thus far (kind of on the selfish end maybe??). I get a little from everyone and no one person gives me everything. Sometimes i expect things from people and it turns out they cant give me that, so i can either get angry, or respect their boundaries and find something else intriguing about them. Also, I can find something of my own experience that i can share with them. I have many interests and I've found there is always something I can share with someone else.

I also think inner happiness can be derailed by unresolved childhood misconceptions.

I've also found some things that I love doing and that make me feel like I'm really making a difference. I go after those things with all my energy.

And of course, I just have to hope one day I'll get it.

swedish

I'd have to say that this is what does it for me. Trying to please everyone around me usually result in inner-chaos

Doing charitable work, teaching my kids or my sister's kids something new, helping someone out, showing appreciation for someone else's kindness all give me that feeling of inner-peace. Even the thought that taking the time to post something on here that might be helpful to others.

I have always been somewhat of a perfectionist but when I really looked at it from the outside, what does that mean? If my house was spotless (or perfect in my mind) the people inside always felt somewhat uncomfortable there & I'd rather see people feeling at home in my home and my kids playing happily with toys strewn everywhere then worrying about keeping everything in its place so I wouldn't get upset. I guess I realized that my vision of perfect was far from it.

There is definitely a different feeling when you are doing something you love. When it is self-rewarding it really doesn't matter what others think.