jeep1979

It's been 10 day's since my wife told me it's been over for a long time and she wanted a divorce. She left for three days with my 7 yr old Autistic son then came back. today she left again at 07:30 in the morning and haven't heard from her since. I start work at 06:00 but it turned out they didn't have me on today so I came home 1 hr later and they were gone. I can't stand this horrible feeling I feel as though I commited a crime and am awaiting a jail sentance. I havent felt this bad since my father died when I was 12. She claims I am not nice and that she is low on my priority list. we have been married for 17 yrs together for 20. I told my wife over and over again over the years that I didn't want children I helped raise her daughter since she was 2 and that was all I needed. sometime in 2000 I suffered a back injury that ended my career as a UPS driver the copmany paid me 120,000 and it was over just like that 11 yrs down the drain. shortly after I recived the check she told me she was pregnant. I was scared to death of having a child at age 39 the stats are not good and on top of it she is type one diabetic since the age of 17 with only on kidney functioning at 100%. Only a few yrs earlier I had found out she had an abortion when we were dating and never told me I found out through A friends wife. She convinced me that she had the best doctor lined up for high risk pregnancy how was I to say no and abort my only child raised Catholic I was sure I would burn in hell if I did. So my son was born with FACES syndrom a rare disorder he only has on artery to his brain and had to have heart surgery at age 3 months to fix a valve, his vision is not very good and he had a blood vessel tumor called a hemangioma over his eye that required that he take steroids to shrink it. He made ot through all that and we thought the worst was behind us until he was diagnosed with Autism at age 3. since then I pretty much have been working 65 to 70 hrs sometimes more a week to support us since that time she has held a few PT jobs. we lived on a very busy street and a few times he escaped and was in danger of getting hit by a car so every sunday after that my wife kept showing me other houses we could buy. we bought another house so my son would be safe and it needed tons of work so i worked harder on the house and at my job and began to resent my wife and blamed her for all our financial problems. It got to the point where I didn't say anthing when I came home I was just fried.meanwhile she was housebound with all his therapy and appointments not being able to hold a job....I would come home tired and my son would be watching TV and turn the volume up to 75 and hold his ears so I would yell at him and yell at her it was just bad. one day he yelled back stop yelling that was the day she said I broke her heart and she decided it was over.I think I need mental help I just walk around angry and frustrated and have ruined my marrige. I have done everthing to convice her I will change she said I would just go back to my old ways and told me a 2nd time she wanted a divorce. there is more to all this on both sides but I don't know what to do I just feel sick all the time now.

Trooper

I am so sorry you feel this bad, I am in a similiar situation, but my husband is always mad and yelling at me. He now wants a divorce and is in FL on vacation with a buddy of his while I sit home and our anniversary is this week.

Please see a therapist to work on why you are so angry. It can really ruin a relationship. Maybe if she sees that you are taking steps to work on things she will change her mind and even if she does not you will end up better off going to counseling.

I can't offer much advice, I feel like I am just a crying emotional wreck right now. I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers. You have really been through a lot.

Jack99

You are a good decent man who is being tested to the max extent of his soul. You did right not abort the child. It is so hard to have to work such long hours, with no hope in sight or light at the end of the tunnel. It must have been hard for you wife, she probably dreaded your coming home. Keep trying to convince your wife you will change. Tell her you are taking anger management therapy, that you are going to counseling. Tell her you no longer blame her for your financial problems - that you believe all these things happen for *a reason* - and you don't hold it against her and never will again. But only say so if you mean it.

Pandakiss

i read and understand your view and her side. sometimes there is to much anger and resentment on both sides. if nobody is talking about upsets them the most, then nothing will be worked out.

maybe you were nice, maybe you were mean. her abortion was prob a hot button for you maybe a hotter button for her. did she feel like she was forced to have one cuz you didn't want kids, yes life and common sense wins the argument, but if she or you didn't touch base with what happened. people change, opinions change, feelings change, points of view change, a new understanding comes into play.


but you have to talk about past hurts. they build. i don't think its fixable now, 20 years of compounded hurt and misunderstanding, OK---

picture a fifty gallon water tank, the tank is the reservoir for hurt feelings, and anger---

now how long would it take to fill it. every battle is as small as 1 drop and as much as a gallon. if the two of you are talking about past hurts and resentments, a little water "evaporates", and next time the subject or topic comes up nothing is adding to it. with new clarity and understanding, comes less pain and hurt and anger.


if she still loved you enough to work it out, its poss., but i understand both sides. it would be a very long process. both of you want and need to save the marriage for it to truly be back on track. I'm not trying to be purposely heartbreakingly cruel, but sometimes if you see it from a outside looking in you gain prospective.

jeep1979

It just get worse she is not coming home tonight and I found E-mail the other day about an ongoing thing with a lawyer friend from facebook. she wont tell me where she is so it must be his house.

Blanca

wow what a slap in the face. im so sorry. i think she's incredibly selfish and i dont know how anyone wouldnt be angry and resentful in your situation.

__________________


"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie

Pandakiss

that is awful. im sorry that this has happened to you, some people are just not strong enough to deal with big life happenings. she just took the easy way out.

be strong and proud that you still wanted to be there. yall have had a lot of hurdles thrown at you, not an excuse, she was weak for checking out and selfish for not shareing how she was feeling.

shame on her. life is never easy, how dare she think some other person would make it go away.

hold your head high, you are a great dad. from reading your thread, you were invloved with all things medical even though i know it was scary.

stay strong. she might come to her senses.....would you take her back and all be forgiven? sometimes when it gets tough, spouses forget to talk to eachother, especialy with childern who need medical care. she could also feel like a failure to herself and like she let you down.

that weighs heavy on her mind, and she could have purposley sabotaged the marriage as a sort of fitting punishment foor herself, not personally against you. it did directly affect you. you have every right to be very upset and her for checking out and dividing the family.

i dont know you, and im just putting different sanairos out there. take a little, or none.

Jack99

That's rough. A lawyer - ouch. I suggest you get one yourself.