Decovi

Ok this is a new one... my husband is perfect in every way. Loyal, hardworking, trustworthy, successful, and an excellent parent to our 3 children. We've been married 14 years and I stay home & do & get whatever I want. So whats the problem?... He pays no attention to me! He tries & wants to, but it doesn't seem to be in his DNA. I get an unbelievable amount of attention from just about everybody else, but not my husband. I could walk into a room with a red Ronald McDonald wig & my two front teeth blacked out & he wouldn't notice! I'm constantly being told how funny, lighthearted, optomistic I am, but not from him (the only person I'd wish would notice) I am miserable. It feels to me like he's condescending and dismissive. I feel unloved & ignored. Oh, & I want sex with him all the time. He's the one who's too tired or has a headache! I don't want anyone else & I know the grass is not greener. I don't like being married, I'm not interested in another relationship. What the hell do I do??? I have it all but really have nothing.

ljtseng

Decovi I competely feel your pain. Ive felt like a ghost in my relationship, too. All I can tell you is what I've been doing about it. I bought some books, His Needs Her Needs, The Five Love Languages, and Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. And I remind myself regularly that these things take time. Its lonely and really frustrating sometimes but for me things are slowly improving.

Leahdorus

Wow, I could have written your post, Decovi. That was sort of what was happening with me over the past few years. My husband is also a fantastic guy in many ways, but I felt he'd been ignoring me and not giving me the attention I wanted. I also wanted sex all the time, but he was either too tired, had already fallen asleep, or was not interested.

If I could do things over again, and realize all this before I stepped outside my marriage, I would work on talking to him about how I was feeling, and possibly get myself some counseling, and then maybe counseling for both of us. I'm trying not to beat myself up with the coulda-shoulda-woulda stuff, but I really think communication was the key problem with us, and maybe that's what's going on with you as well.