I need help!! What should I do?? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 09:35 AM Thread Starter
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I need help!! What should I do??

I know this is a long thing to read but I need serious help, please read and give me some advice! Thank you! I am 20 years old and I have only been married for 6 months (our six month anniversary was yesterday) but I have been with him for 4 years. While we were dating he had a tendency to lie about little things and have a bad temper but I love him so much I overlooked it. Since we have been married he has lied about paying our bills, I know is sounds stupid but it is serious. If he will lie about little things like that what else is he lying about? One time he had told me that he paid his truck payment with the check I gave him and he swore to me he paid it even though the bank was calling saying it hadn't been paid. I told him that I would rather him tell me the truth and say he forgot to pay it or he just didn't do it but he continued to yell at me for calling him a lyer. Two days later I found the check in his truck and he to this day tells me that he thought he went and paid it. I am sorry but you don't think you go and pay something, and he has never apologized to me. But I do love him and I have stuck with him even though he has done things like that EVERY time I have trusted him with something. Well in December we had to turn our tags in on our vehicles because he "forgot" to pay our insurance and it had lapsed and we had just got them back on Jan 20. Our insurance was due again on Feb 8 and I told him on Feb 7 to go and pay it and he swore to me he would. That evening he told me that he had paid it and everything was fine, on saturday we got a letter in the mail from the Insurance company saying our insurance was going to lapse due to non payment. So I asked him why he didn't pay it and he starts his yelling rampage about how he paid it and that I need to stop acusing him of things. So on monday I called the insurance company and they told me that nothing had been paid and that he had not been up there, so I called him and gave him SO many chances to admit that he had lied but he refused, so I packed up my things and left because I just feel like I can't take it anymore. On wednesday (VALENTINE'S DAY!) we went up to the insurance company because he told me he could prove he paid it, so I went with him. When we got there he told me that he wanted me to wait in the car but I am not stupid so I went in with him and he was like "I just need to get proof that my insurance is up to date" the lady was like I don't see that it is and another lady said oh yeah he came in THIS MORNING and paid it and when she asked him if that's what he had done he had the nerve to say "NO" if I hadn't went in he was going to get a reciept and come back to the car and let me have it for calling him a lyer and he was even try to lie with me in there so he wouldn't get caught!! Does he think I was born yesterday?? well when we got in the car I was crying and asking him why he lied to me and never admit it and for some reason instead of apoligizing he was yelling at me! he has never hit me before, he has shoved me down and broke our bathroom door and punched the refridgerator but never punched me. well we were riding down the highway with him yelling at me and me wondering what in the heck was going on and he said he was going to jump out of the car on the interstate so I pulled over and he was in my face cussing me and yelling at me so I slapped him and as soon as I did he Punched me as hard as he could in the head. I dropped him off at the house and went to the doctor and found out I had a minor concusion. What a valentines day huh... anyway I am staying with my parents and I just can't decided what I should do, should I give him another chance as long as he goes to counseling or should I just say forget it and move on. I do love him but I am not convinced anymore that he loves me. I mean how can you love someone and lie to their face so many times and then hit them? PLEASE HELP ME!!

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 09:55 AM
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Judging by your post it sounds like you are being abused, emotioanlly and physically. There are a ton of resources out there for women who are being abused. I did a quick search on Google for "Battered Women's Hotline" and came up with a bunch of stuff. These were a few:

http://www.snbw.org/ their hotline number is 1-800-572-2782.
http://www.ndvh.org/ :: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

I strongly suggest seeking help from professionals experienced in dealing with these types of issues.

Chris Hartwell

Chris Hartwell, MSW

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 12:05 PM
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lady frady
sounds like you have major problems also.really dont know what to say about your situation and dont know what his problem is.all i know is there is no excuse for hitting a woman except for child abuse in my opinion.he might be sorry and might not ever again.but you will always have that moment in the back of your mind.i accidently scared my wife recently and felt awful when i realized she thought that because it never crossed my mind.remember no excuse!
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-21-2007, 11:52 PM
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Maybe I am a pesimist(notsure how to spell that) but I can't imagine someone like that changing. It especially seems like a very dangerous situation to bring children into, I am assuming you do not have any children yet by your post. He seems to have a anger problem. I hope you really consider your future with this guy. People RARELY change it is just the way he will be ,or at least it seems to me . I hope this was helpful and you seem to be at the right place, safe at your parents.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 12:32 PM
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Re: Re: I need help!! What should I do??


never knowingly appropriate
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 12:51 PM
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Re: I need help!! What should I do??

Please continue to stay with your parents.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 12:59 PM
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Re: I need help!! What should I do??

Zombie thread . . . . From 6 years ago.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 12:59 PM
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Re: I need help!! What should I do??

I am glad to hear that you're doing what is necessary to take care of yourself. I know that he's charming and can make you feel amazing, but these kinds of things will not go away no matter how many promises he makes or how much begging he does.

The only way they are going to change is if he gets counseling because HE wants to change. Not because he's trying to get back with you. If you go back, he'll drop the counseling as soon as he's feeling comfortable again if that was the reason he went.

Please visit my blog for more relationship articles and advice, or check out my latest gift and greeting card designs.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 01:03 PM
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Re: I need help!! What should I do??


I was married to a compulsive liar for over 14 years... it only got worse as the years progress. Initially he would cop to the lies (only when there was evidence) But it his reasons for lying were always my fault in one way or another. I would try to manage the lies (if it was money...I'd control the money; if it was internet activity- I would have his passwords).... it didn't stop him... I became his warden...and the lies would just escalate....

Even after divorce, any interaction I have with him is sprinkled with lies or half-truths....VERY difficult to co-parent at times...

your husband needs intense therapy... and even then, it may not be enough...
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 02-27-2013, 01:42 PM
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Re: I need help!! What should I do??

Zombie thread. I apologize for resurrecting it, it was inadvertent, I use tapatalk on my android and sometimes it pulls up the very oldest thread when I click reply in a thread, which can be easy to miss until post is submitted. And I can't delete a post from tapatalk, only edit.

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