notsocool

I feel I'm in an awkward situation, I am 49, my 17 yr old son lives with me and about 2yrs ago my elderly father moved in with us. My father shares a financial interest in the house along with me.

I have been a single parent for 13yrs and while my children were young, I made a point, rightly or wrongly of never bringing men home or involving my children in that part of my life.

After a long long time of having no relationships I have started dating this guy. Here is the problem..He lives over an hours drive away and shares a small place with some friends. He works near where I live, so it is convenient to meet up after work, and close to where I live.

We have been renting a motel room about once a week or fortnight, but neither of us can really afford it and it's frustrating because we would prefer to be together more often than that.

My question is, should I bring him home, or more specifically, bring him home so he can stay over some nights. It is my Fathers house as much as it is mine and I dont think it has occured to my Dad or my son that I would have a relationship with anyone.

My bedroom is at one end of the house and private, so it's not as if anyone would be able to hear anything. I just feel really awkward about this and wondering if I'm being selfish expecting them (Dad and son) to be ok about this.

Any opinions would be much appreciated.

greeneyeddolphin

Your son is 17, and old enough to understand that Mom dates and has a life apart from him. As for your father, you are a grown woman with just as much a right to bring someone home as your father.

The only part of this I would question is the message you want to send your son. By having a man in your home, unmarried, you are sending your son the message that sex outside of marriage, in a relationship that may/may not be committed, is ok. If that is the message you have always wanted to send your son, then you're good. If not, then you might want to rethink it.

For myself, my sons are 9 & 7. I simply made it seem like a nonissue. I introduced my boys to my boyfriend, gave them a chance to get to know each other, and once all of them were comfortable with each other, he would spend the night. Of course, being younger, they may not have yet fully picked up on the whys and what goes on and all, but I would think you could use something of the same idea with an older boy.

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Wendy

www.wendymillerwrites.com

chefmaster

Go for it. You have been admirably patient waiting for your son to become an adult and have put yourself out long enough.


Happy Thanksgiving!

kendra2705

Hi it's your house as much as theirs and your life , tell them politely you have a new love interest and that you want to bring him home. The real question is are you comfortable ??

Corpuswife

I respect what you are trying to do for your family...showing them a moral mother and sacrificing your personal life.

If this person is someone that you want to know, on a deeper level, then I would explain to your family that you are seeing someone. State that you would like for them to meet him.

Then begin by brining him over for visits. I wouldn't recommend immediately having him spend the night. Gradually allow your child/father to get to know the new man.

After a comfortable amount of time (for you and the new man), then perhaps he can sleep over.

Good luck and Congrats!

notsocool

Thanks for the replies, I dont think I will rush into it, it is making a statement to my son and I dont know if I could call this a committed relationship.

Despite it being my life etc, I really dont feel comfortable myself with the idea, so I guess I should put some thought into why that is..

To begin with, yes, might start with some brief casual visits to home and take it from there..