cheetahcub

Hi
I haven't been here a while, but now I'm here, I seriously need some guidance.
4 days ago my husband accidentally drove over our eldest' foot, which may leave permanent damage. For a child who lives for sports, this is terrible news. For a mother who watched it happen and couldn't be there in time to save him, it's a living nightmare.
For the father who did it, it must be a huge feeling of guilt.

So now, today my husband rebuked me for not remembering the frikken dogfood for 2 days in a row. Am I insane or is he the one? I was in and out of visiting my son at the hospital, making sure the kids at home have something to eat, I did not kill my husband for reckliss behaviour regarding our child (in court it would have been attempted man-slaugther through negligance),so if the frikken dog food is finished, buy the frikken food.

So...if he's indeed feeling guilty, why does he act as if he's not? How can I sleep next to a man who almost killed my child and does not express ANY feeling except over the lack of dogfood...

The dogs have eaten leftovers which they love more anyway...so what's really the issue here...I haven't forgiven him, cause I saw it happen and saw his arrogance at the speed at which he handled the car...pure neglect and pure lack of awareness where your children are...as it usually is.

chefmaster

How can he not have remorse?

He just hasn't shown it yet and probably won't until you do forgive him, at which point the anger and guilt and shock will leave his body and he will probably break down.

greeneyeddolphin

I would wonder if perhaps he's lashing out at you in an attempt to hide his feelings of guilt and remorse...they're not really feelings men should express, you know. At least, according to the theory of how men are supposed to be tough and brave.

I have 2 sons, ages 9 & 7. Right now, it's me, my boyfriend, and my parents in the same household. When anyone is getting in a vehicle to leave, we call the children and they either stand in the garage (we don't park in it) or on the porch until the moving vehicle is gone. When someone comes home, they stop at the gate, and do not pull in until they get the all clear wave after an adult has determined where the children are and if it's safe for the vehicle to come in. Even when we know where the kids are, we drive slowly in case they should happen to suddenly decide running in front of a moving vehicle is a good idea. The slow driving may not completely prevent hitting them, but it at least makes it easier to stop and hopefully not hit them too hard.

I would try to talk to him about what happened. See what he says about it. He might be waiting for you to start that conversation.

__________________
Wendy

www.wendymillerwrites.com

lime

I think he really is feeling guilty, and like others have said dealing with it in an irrational way.

I think by blaming you about the dogfood, he's hoping to make you a little bit worse of a person so he doesn't feel so bad about himself. Kind of like "my wife makes mistakes too, I'm not the only one so I shouldn't feel so bad."

I think you should encourage him not to feel guilty. It was an accident. A horrible one, but an accident nonetheless. Be thankful your son only has one injured foot and not anything worse! There have been parents who have killed their kids in situations like this. I think focusing on the positive and trying not to blame your husband so much will help the situation. Also, this goes without saying, but learn from that mistake.

pinkprincess

I agree with the above post, i think that maybe your husband is feeling guilty inside, and his actions towards you and about the dog food is him lashing out in hopes to make you feel like we are all human and that we make mistakes, i really dont think it is a personal thing against you and i am sure he does not mean to come across as if he has no remorse, i am sure he is beating himself up on the inside.

F-102

He may be showing signs of depression over the incident. Right now, he's lashing out. Keep an eye on him: he's liable to do something crazy later.

unbelievable

Maybe he made a mistake and feels enormous guilt. He wants to be screamed at and "punished" but instead, life is going on pretty much as normal for him while his child lays in the hospital. That makes his guilt even worse. Maybe he is using dog food as a means of provoking you into a fight which he knows will result in some reprimanding behavior from you. He could then replace some of the guilt he feels for himself with resentment for you or self-pity for himself.

F-102

He is walking on eggshells, holding his breath, waiting for someone to really rip him a new one for this. (With my imagination, I'd be expecting Child Services to show up at the door, complete with cops and a court order to move out). Agree with unbelievable-he is trying to get into a fight so as to get it over with.

Maybe you can stage some sort of "intervention". Have all family and friends sit him down at once, and tell them how they really feel, then maybe he can begin to move on.