General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
the soap opera continues again! well i pick my kids up from daycare for a couple hours monday. well they proceed to tell me about shawn. how he rode them on the jet ski. well when i took the kids back i went to the sitters cause lisa was there 2 weekends ago when shawn first appeared. she told me that it seemed like they were just friends. she said the never locked eyes or touched or kissed or anything. just like friends she said. i said well this is the guy she dated before me and her got together so i know he is only wanting one thing from her. well long story short that friday night i talked about when she got drunk was one of the nights when he was there. lisa said my wife threw up all over the table later that night and she took her in to go to bed. she said when she came out that shawn told her that this was the second date that they have set up and she ruined it just like she did the last one. then she tells me that my mother in law brang this guy a bottle of liquor.
well left soon after she went to bed. he came over sat and sunday too. same thing no interaction between the two other than friends. well he came over this past weekend also and this is the one the kids told me about. well i called off work lastnight cause i just knew if someone said anything out of the way that i would have lost my job. i sent her a text "it's pretty bad when your own children tell you wife is allready seeing someone else. tell shawn i said hello. i look forward to seeing you in court!" well i didnt hear anything at all. i sent this at 330pm. well i head to my neibors for a fish fry and my step son was there. he came over and played with me and then he was leaving. i told him to tell momma i said hello. well 10 minutes after he left on his 4 wheeler my friends wife walks up with the phone. she said its jennifer. i said i dont want to talk to her. she said well she says haily wants you to come over and see her. she hung the phone up. i texted her and said to bring her down the street. she said no come up here. i said no.
i asked why? she says i want to talk to you about us. i said no. there is nothing to talk about and you make me sick. then she says well i know about your friend too. the one you went on the date with. i text her back and say it was all a lie i made up. i said i did it to find out who i can trust and now i know who i really cant. she said i dont care i just want to talk. i said no, i am going home. i said if you want to talk you do it face to face at my house. she said can i trust you? i said well are you going to act insane? well she wanted me to call her and i said no. i said my door is open, i am getting in the shower, come if you want or not i really dont care. so as i was getting out the shower i looked into the bedroom and she was sitting on the bed. she said me and shawn are friends and thats all. she says he is just helping me through this. i said no he is trying to get into your pants. she said no. i said look guys dont take women in as friends especially if they have allready screwed them. she asked me about the date i went on. i said it was lie. well i sat her on the bed and got the tape recorder out. i pushed play. i said after you get done listening to that 20 minute tape you tell me why i should even consider you.
well i went in there about 15 minutes into it and she was crying and saying i am sorry. i said i didnt want to hear it that the kids did. well we talked. she walked over and huged me. i picked her up and laid her on the bed. and we did the unthinkable. i know i know i was stupid. well the whole time my cell and house phone was ringing off the hook. it was her sister, her parents and her house phone! well we get the kids back into the car and she calls me when she got home. she said daddy just left and me and him got into an argument cause i went to your house. she said i told him i am 29 yearsold and i dont have to ask permission. well then her mom calls. she calls me back at 1230am and we talked till 130am. we decided to each lunch today. well i picked her up from the store and her mother knew about it. we drove to her house which i am not allowed at by court order. got some buns and then went to my house to cook. well we talked and she said that she didnt want me to take last night or today and make it like a false hope. she said i am really really confused right now. she said i dont know what i want.
well we ate and talked some more and i asked for a hug and she laid down on the couch with me. she said i want you to make love to me again. so me being the dumb butt i am i did again. she told me she was sorry for bringing him around the kids and promised it would never happen again. i said look you can do what you want but you are not going to be taking people in and out of them kids lives. i said and your friend shawn, i said you need to leave him alone, all he wants is in your pants. i said you are voulnerable right now and it wouldnt be hard for any man to get in them. i said if you are confused you dont need to talk to me or any man for the matter. well i took her back to work and both of her parents were there. so i am sure she got the belt when she walked in. she said she would call me tonight. i just dont know. seems like to me she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. like she wants to keep me on a string till she findout what she wants to do. but she has done what i thought she would never do. she did what she thought was right and not her parents.
Well, it seems like she's making some steps in the right direction with her parents, but she won't ever be "free of them" until she moves out of their house, for pete's sake. And quit having sex with her, silly! I know you're totally confused and as much as you'd like to strangle her, you love her. But being intimate with her will only confuse you more. I know you miss the kids, but don't let her dangle them over your head. That's not fair.
She has some decisions to make. And for what it's worth, I totally agree with you about Shawn. I've made that mistake before. It's a big one. I'm so sorry all this is happening. I was really hoping that you'd get a concrete answer and be able to move on, one way or the other.
She's probably confused too, but that doesn't mean that you have to pay the price for her not being big enough to quit relying totally on her parents. She's a big girl now. I'm 27 and believe me, there are times I wish I could run to momma and daddy, but they taught me well, and I have to fly on my own. That's the way it should be.
well that day when i droped her off at the store i asked for a kiss. she said no not here. i said i love you and she said ok bye i will call you later tonight. well she never called. not this morning either. well i came into work and talked to an old friend of mine on the phone. this girl i used to run with before the wife and she is married with two kids. her and her husband went through this same thing 2 times and are now happy. i expressed to her my conscern with shawn and said steve. me and used to have sex 5 times a week. she said we have talked atleast once a year through email to keep up with our marriages. she said i have no intrest in you and you have none in me now. she said we are just friends. she said you need to think about the same thing with jennifer. she could just be confiding in him. she said if she was sleeping with him i would think she would be a little more sercretive than she is. i said i dont know the thought is allways there. she said i dont think she would have slept with him and run to your house and slet with you but ya never know.
well i did what i said i was going to do and not call her and wait on her. well she called me tonight at 620pm. left a voicemail on my cell. said she wanted to ask me about my boxer. i had no clue what she was talking about. so my bro in law called me and we got to talking and he said jennifer asked her sister the other day if she wanted my dog if i didnt. well after we got off the phone i was going crazy. i was thinking i have to let her go. well i got up enough nerve to call her at 8pm. she said the neibor wanted to know if he could use my stud boxer again to breed his dog. she said she wanted to check with me first. she never said anything about getting rid of him. well she kept bringing stuff up to talk to me and she kept asking what was wrong. i just told her. i said look. we cant continue to do this. i said either we are going to work on us or we are going to have to let eachother go. i said i shouldnt have slept with you the other night but i did. she said well i wated to with you. she said i wanted that closeness again.
i told her yes but you also said not to get false hopes from it. i said do you still love me. she said yes i allways will she said we have a daughter together. i said are you still in love with me. she said i dont know. she said i will say this. right now i am confused and i dont know what to do and the other night made it all the more confusing. she i hate you right now. she said its like a love hate thing at this point in time. she said i want to be with you but i hate you. she said everything that gets said to me from my family.
i have figured out what it is. i had said some things to her family but by the time it goes from josh-amanda-father in law- mother in law- to my wife it all gets changed aroound to be bad. well she just called me. she wants me to come over after work and she said she doesnt give a darn what her parents think. she said she doesnt care anymore. i told her were not having sex though and she said she agreed she said i just want you to come over here and talk. she said i want you to hold me. so i guess i will fill you peeps in tomorrow on how it goes. i am also thinking that there is nothing going on with shawn either. if there was i dont think she wouold ask me to come over tonight. i will let you know......the saga will continue.................
ok now one thing she did say that night on the phone was you told my family i was a drunk. she said i cant go one night without them calling me and asking if i have drank anything. she said i argued with them earlier about asking me. i asked if she was and she said no. well i could tell she had been but i didnt say a word. well well well..............interesting night and day today. ok i went over there. she unlocked the door and went straight back to bed no words spoken. i went in and she said i am so tired. well i looked for the phone and souldnt find it. so i went on the porch to smoke and looked in the ash tray. there were 3 butts from marlboro menthol. neither one of us smoke them. so i will findout tomorrow what kind Shawn smokes from lisa. so i just reach over and squeeze her purse on the counter and i felt minni bottles. i looked and there was 4 empties. well i was going to get into my turck and just leave cause i knew she was lieing. but me being a man i went and got into the bed with her. well we did the unthinkable again. but before you think wrong of me i did it for a reason. so i could get more information and thats all. we got done and she said ok now you need to go before they get up and see you. i was putting my boots back on and i said you sure you havent drank anything? she said no. i said well explain the bottles in your purse. she said i knew i couldnt trust you, they are from like two weeks ago. i said well i just want you to be honest with me. i said i beieve you. even though i dont, i was thinking. i said you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with me. i got up and she said give me a kiss. she said i will call you tomorrow. i left.
well the next day i sat here thinking i need to go back to the house. so i said i know what i will do. the lawnmower battery is dead so i will head over there call her when i pull into the driveway and tell her i am getting the numbers and it will give me 10 miniutes to get the heck out. so i did only she didnt answer her phone. lololol well i looked everywhere for the spare key my daughter told me was on the porch and didnt find it. well i grabbed the door knob and it was unlocked. i went in. checked the phone. no other calls made but mine at work the night before. no caller id so i guess she doesnt have it now. nothing credable so i start looking for wrote down numbers. i pulled a drawer open and it full of empty minni bottles. long story short. i found over 25 minni bottles. 1/5 bottle empty, 2 pints empty. and i went through two nasty trash bags and found more minni bottles. so there is no telling how many more have been thrown away. now i went though all these very drawers when i moved out so she has only had 41 days to drink all that. 10 of which she was at the lake so that leave 31 days! and i also find SHAWN'S number....bingo that is what i was looking for. so i haul butt back home and pay for a reverse phone book thing. then i findout his name is really harry and that shawn is a nickname. well needless to say i got his address at the lake. and one for columbia. now columbia is where she has been runnig two the first two weeks of the seperation. she said her friend melissa lives there. but two days ago she told me her and melissa were going to spend the night at the river monday night. she said so they wouldnt have as far to drive for the state boards on tuesday morning. i asked whre they were taking them. she said columbia! now why wouldnt she stay at melissa's instead of the lake? well i ran a search on melissa's number and it was registered out of our town. so i am thinking now that she has been going to see him but i still dont know. well today which is friday will be the tell all. i asked her thursday night if she wanted to get dinner or something tongiht and she said no. so if she has to work tomorrow she will most likely take haily to lisas tonight to spend the night and stay tomorrow till she gets off. so if she does i will do a drive by and then if she isnt home i will check her mothers house at the lake and so on untill i find her car. when and if i find it at his residence i will put my PI on her next weekend when i keep both kids for the night. but if she keeps my girl i dont know yet. i am thinking she will drive to her parents house cause she told me tuesday they stay in rock hill everynight but saturday and sunday. so she will most likely leave late when haily falls asleep and meet him down there. now i think he has his kids this weekend also cause he didnt last weekend. so if he does she might go straight to his house. all i know if she gets rid of haily and doesnt call me to come see her she is up to something. i will findout. wether or not he is a friend or not. if he is a friend she has no buisness being at his house late at night. so i guess the truth will kill her or set her free this weekend. if she is in fact seeing him i am going for custody! if she isnt i am addressing the liquor issue. i havent figured how to that cause she isnt gonna quit till she is ready to. so the next two days will be interesting!
Hi!
First of all, I don't think wrong of you. My marriage isn't perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect! You're a big boy. I'm just trying to help. I'm sorry this is all such a mess still. I'm sure you feel like you're going nuts! The only real suggestion I have is keep an eye on your daughter, as this is all probably hard on her too. Hang in there and keep me posted!
ok crap hit the fan tonight! i went to the house tonight and changed the lawnmower battery, rounduped the flower beds, fed and watered the dogs, worked on the pool. well i caught wife drinking through he window a couple times. well me and haily left to get some gas for the 4 wheelers. she called twice wanting to know where we were. well got home and i wanted to go out and do the gas and change the security lights. she kept telling me no you can do it tomorrow. she told me she had been drinking and said dont tell. i asked her if she had a problem and she said no. she said alcoholics shake when they wake up for a drink and i said no. well she had to pee and i hit the unlock key on her car went outside and got her cell. well she came out with haily and said did he leave? i said no. well i fooled around doing things and she wouldnt let me out of her sight cause she didnt want me leaving for the night. well i got away from her and i saw that she called me and then him one minute later. well there were two missed calls from him. well she came back out side and please come in. well i said let me water the dogs and i will be in. she went inside. well i looked at her text messages. shwan to her i love u. her to him the same over and over and over. then some that said i need u. then some that say you 2 minute man u suck. on and on and on. well then i get to the night i found out about him. she sent one saying. i love you dont worry about it. well she came outside. i walked around the play house and wouldnt you know it he calls again as i was walking to the house. she said who is calling and i walked around the corner and threw her phone in the woods. she said where is your phone? i said we need to talk. she said about what. i said shawn. she said i still have a place in my heart for him. she said he still loves me from 8 years ago. i said did you sleep with him and she said no. well i called her out on the texts. she said where is your phone. i said here. i turned it on. i said if he is a friend call him now and tell him we have been together all week. she said he knows. i said call hiim, if he is a friend he wont have nothing to say but good i hope u two work it out. she said no i dont have to. she said knew i couldnt trust you. i said do you want me to stay she said yes. i said call him then. she said no. so i left. when i got home i called her parents. i said she has a problem and i know she has been sleeping with shawn. i said dont care about him i am worried about the drinking. i said just go to the house tomorrow and do as i say. i told them where the bottles were and they agreed not to talk to her tonight. her dad said he would get them all tomorrow and we would have a family meeting when the store closes. so i am hoping they dont get the **** and throw it away tomorrow. i think they realize she is a drunk. her mom told me to take haily from her. man oh man. i knew i should hope for the worst in this. i am not mad at shawn. she was a prime target and a ex. he wouldnt answer numerous blocked calls tonight but i did send him some texts saying she had been with me all week and they were blocked also. her mom told me that tuesday when i droped her off at the store that she broke down crying. she told her that she really did love me and she wanted to be with me. i said well martha i have enough to take haily from her. and if this drinking doesnt get resolved i will. she said well i am moving in monday and we allready talked about it. i said yall just get the bottles and i will see you and her tomorrow and we will talk.............................................. ...............
so i thought about this alot lastngiht. here is what i can come up with. she hated me when we seperated. 2 weeks into it he calls her. she is lonely and hurt. and most likely drunk. he tells her he still loves her and yada yada yada. well they bump uglies and she brings him around the kids. ok the whole time she doesnt care about me or the letters and cant look me in the eye. well i findout about him. she runs back to me screws me all week. now she has school on thursday i guess. well she didnt go this thursday. i am thinking thursday is her date day with him and she didnt go. so if she has real feelings for him she would have went to the lake lastnight. well she made it a point last night to tell me that i didnt have to do everything and that i could do it tonight when i came over. she said she wasnt going to the lake. ok now why not if she is head over heals for him? the only thing i can think is she wants me back. and thats why she has done what she has done all week and this weekend. but why has she been talking to him everyday like three times a day at work and texting him all day also if she still wants me? i am now lost in space. anyone figure this one out?
Re: can you help me save my marriage
Re: can you help me save my marriage
