General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
well she told her parents that she didnt know who's bottles they were and that i must have put them in the house to set her up. her mother believed her. then she told her friend that steve almost had her dad convinced she was an alchy. she said if anyone knew if she was or not i would cause i am her momma. so she has fooled the world again. well sunday i texted her saying the things i do are because i love you and she replied no you dont leave me alone. she replied if you did you wouldnt have done what you did to momma and daddy yesterday. i said i know i dont. i said i wouldnt have let you in monday night, i wouldnt have cooked you lunch, i wouldnt have came to your house wednsday, i wouldnt have came friday. you right i dont care. and i texted back and if you didnt you wouldnt have replied. she replied leave me alone so that was it. now she also told the neibors thursday that me and her were talking and that we probibly will work it out. now what the heck? do i have to worry about her coming back and trying to reel me in again? she is mad at me right now. she is embaressed cause i told her family she is allready sleeping with him. i dont know. i still love the girl and i dont know why! i am going silent from now on and i am going to leave her alone.
I think she's playing games with you and trying to "save face" by telling the neighbors you all are working it out. Of course you still love her! Love isn't something that you can choose to feel or not feel. That's not to say that sometimes it doesn't feel as strong and it sometimes takes effort to re-kindle the strong feelings though. I think you're right to leave her alone. I'm sorry you're hurting and she's putting you through this. She probably will try to come back when this other guy decides he doesn't want her, or she by some miracle comes to her senses, but either way it doe not mean you have to be available to her. I'm not saying for you to start seeing someone else, just that you don't have to leave your heart open to her anymore. It'll take time and healing, but you'll be stronger and better for it. Not that that helps much right now, but at least it's something to look forward to!
Keep your chin up, I'm still rooting for you!
well on monday my step son came down tot neibors to see if his son was home. he wasnt and her jumped up in the back of the truck with me. gaveme a hug and kiss and we talked a little. i gave him my cell number and told him to call whenever he wanted. then he left. he never called that night and his nanna was keeping him and haily at the house for the night. so i called tuesday night cause they were starting school on wed. well jennifer answered. i said let me speak to the kids please. she said dont you call here demanding things. i said look i have nothing to say to you i just want to speak to my children. she said first of all you only have one child here. second of all you told my parents i was drinking so i dont hink i will let you talk to them and hung up on me. well i called her sister and ran my mouth to her out of anger. she hangs up with me and 2 minutes later the wife calls and says i am sorry i should have let you talk to haily. i said jennifer the only reason you called back is because amanda just called you and told you i was going to write it down in my log that you wouldnt let me speak to them. she cussed me out and hungup on me. well i called back at 650am wed. morning so i could talk to them before school. she answed i said jennifer. she hungup on me. so at 3pm i text her and asked if i could get the kids. she said just haily and i will pick her up at 6pm. so i called to findout where she was going to pick them up. she said well i was going to pick them up at your house but i am not coming there. she said meet me at exxon. no wait, and i could hear her mother talking in the backround. i said jennifer make up your own mind and quit listening to your mother. she said just bring her here at seven. so i get to daycare and tyler is standing in the door window waving at me. i walk in and he is all over me. he said where we going today? what we gonna do? like bouncing around. i changed the subject and asked him and her about school and then i went into the office with the daycare owner. i asked cathy what i should say to him. she said tell him you want to take him but momma wont let you that way he understands its not you. she said well you know what. she said call her right now and tell her to explain to him why he cant go. well i did and she cused me out and said leave him there i will be there in a little. well i called tyler into the office just me and him. well he allready had his bookbag on and ready to leave. i said take your bag off and come in here. he sat down and i closed the door. we talked about school and i asked if he was going to play football and he said yes and started crying. i said son you know i love you and he shook his head and he climbed up in the chair with me and squeezed me so hard. me and him were both crying. i said do you want to go for a walk? he said yes. well we went outside and we walked to the picinic table. i reached it and turned around and he didnt make it halfway. he just broke down. i got him over to the table and on my lap. i said tyler you know i love you and you know i want to take you everytime i can. he said yes and i just want you to come home. he said i miss you so much and i dont have anyone to play with. i said yes you do you have your mother. he said no she doesnt play with me. he said i love you and hugged me again. i said why didnt you call me the other night? he said i lost your number and when i told nanna i wanted to talk to you she said i couldnt call you. i said well when you get to the store you ask you momma and your nanna why you cant see me anymore. i said tyler it isnt me and its not your fault. well he was crying on my shoulder and cathy came out and said his mother is here. we walked in both still sniffling and tyler was still crying. she walked out with him crying like she didnt have a care in the world. well i came home and wrote one last letter telling her that i know she is mad at me. but to take him away from me is going to hurt him more than anyone. and that if she could see what she is doing to our family that she would understand. well long story short she wouldnt take it. she said i am done with the letters. well she just called my phone and its is 430pm here. she has to go to school tonight from 6-9 so i would be willing to bet she wanted to know if i could keep both of them till she got out. i did answer because i refused to be put through what i was yesterday only to used today. i am not putting up with it anymore. i am going to tighten my chin strap up now. ohh and i went to the doctor and got some anti-depres. meds. i wish i would have went a month ago and might not have lost 25lbs. you know sooner or later she will figure out that the only love this guy has for her is bedroom love. and she will realize that i was one who truely loved her. i just dont know. i dont know if i could consider us now that she has done all this to me.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with your son. And yes, I say "son" b/c I have two step-sons and I call them my "sons" because it doesn't matter to me whether we share the same DNA or not. I love them just the same, and I can tell you feel the same way about yours. Good thing about that situation at daycare is now you have the daycare owner as a witness to your relationship with Tyler and how Jennifer treated it. Maybe if it comes down to it, the daycare owner can stand up for you. You're right to not let her play games and to not be used by Jennifer.
Hang in there, you're doing great!
well i called the wife today to see about getting my daughter. it was my scheduled night but she said she didnt want to come. so i am not going to make her. jennifer said they are going to stay at pam's at the lake tonight and they are going tot he movies tomorrow morning. but here is my thing. she said she told shawn last week to not call her no more. do i believe her? no. she said she got a new cell and number. now why would she do that if she had nothing to hide? we talked about my step son. she said he cried for 30 minutes after they left daycare that day. the other thing she said she had a copy of the email i sent her sister through myspace. she lied about it. cause i deleted my profile just so her sister couldnt read it. so i caught her in that lie. so how the heck do i know she is telling the truth about shawn? she left and i went to the house a little bit ago. there was a shirt in the dirty clother. a dress shirt. not mine and way bigger on me. probibly his. so i dont know if its from before or what. i asked her if she wanted to cook steaks at the house tomorrow when they got home and she said i will think about it. man i am so lost. i asked her to call when they got there and here it is 844 and she hasnt called yet. this trust issue is killing me. knowing he is down there and she is too kills me. i would bet that pam is going to have a party tonight and my kids are staying at her parents. well i just called her. she is at pam's house. woohoooo. the kids are their too. maybe she is done with him. i dont know. all i hope is i get to go home and cook for my family tomorrow at my house.
well they did go to the movies and from what the kids told me about that night(without me asking a single question i might add) they stayed up late playing games and such then went to the movies the next day. well she never called about dinner. well monday i put a thoughtful card in the mailbox and she called me later and wanted me to come down to talk about my daughter. well we talked and while i was there she got a text message i am guessing from him. well i put the kids in the bed. well while we were walking out i asked her some questions and she said. i still love you but i am not in love with you anymore. she said i just so mad about everything right now. she said just quit pushing the issue. so i got a hug and left. well they came over my house the next day for dinner. well she went into my bedroom and listened to my voicemail on th home phone. nothing on there and she made a comment about our friend lisa. well they ate and then left. gave her a card and some fresh cut flowers. well no thanks or nothing. well i took my son with me and we went to the niebors. well they werent home so we went to her house. well i shot his bb gun with him and played with my girl. well at 715 she said you need to go my parents are on their way out here.
well i wne back by the neibors and hungout till 815. still no in laws going by and i texted her asking where they were and she said i dont know i guess they arent comming. well i went home. the next day i text her in the morning and say i love you things and what not. well i found out tonight that she read the outloud to her mother and mothers friend at the store and made some rude comments about me saying i should have thought about that before all of this. well then she showed all of them the darn card i gave her. she didnt tell them about us eating dinner or the flowers and she did put them in a vase on the counter. she was being really nice on the phone tonight but i dont know. i think she is playin me like a fiddle. what do you people think i should do now?
I'm the guy that started Talk About Marriage, and I just wanted to drop in and say thanks for using the site the way you are. I think it's really cool that you are journaling all of this stuff that's going on and getting some feedback now and then. I hope it's been useful for you. Keep it up!
Hey Steve,
Sorry I haven't replied in a while...I too, think she's playing you. The major cues to this for me are: She takes your heartfelt and thoughtful cards and letters and shows them to others in a mocking fashion. Not to mention the whole other guy thing! I know you love those kids, and nothing will change that, but I really think it's time you stop thinking of your "relationship" with her as a romantic one. Believe me, I know that is MUCH easier said than done, but she's been ripping your heart out slowly for, how long now??
I hope you know by now that I'd never mean to hurt your feelings, but, honey, you've been trying SO hard and all she does is string you along, or throw it in your face! Is that really what you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you looking at her as the girl you first met/fell in love with, or are you able to step back a bit and really look closely at who she is? I'm not trying to be harsh, I just hate seeing you hurt by her over and over again.
Sounds like things are getting better, but please be cautious. I don't want to be a downer, but if you were a woman, I would say "get the hell out of this abusive relationship!" I guess it shouldn't matter, male or female, though. She may just be happier at her parents' house because she has access to the money for the stuff she wants through her mother. I don't know either of you though, so if you really, truly, think that she's had a change of heart, that's wonderful! You seem like a really good guy, though and I'd just hate to see you get stomped on again.
Good luck!
I totally agree, and that goes for male as well as female in situations like this. Life is too short to have something like this be your existence.
well it was a rocky day yesterday. let me start off by saying it sucked. but i got a new found sence about us. i didnt want to call her yesterday mrning but i had this overwelming urge to so i did. well we talked for a sec and she was really nice and said that her sister was keeping the kids lastnight and that she had to work tomorrow. well we talked about them and school for a little then we hungup after she told me she almost at work. well i jumped in my truck and went to the house. well i noticed new sheets on the bed. so i pulled the covers back and there was a mans t shirt balled up. so i am guessing it is his and he was either there lastnight or she had been sleeping with it all along. she used to sleep with mine when we met when i had to work late. well i went through some drawers after noticing a shot glass in the sink. well i found an empty half pint of liquor. so i know she is still seeing this guy and she is still drinking. well i left and i came home and i sat here thinking. i said i am going to text her and see if she wants to go to dinner and a movie tonight to see what she says. well i did. she said no. i asked if we were done and she said yes i think so. i cannot ever trust you again. i told her i cant trust her either cuase i got her phone and found out the truth about shawn. she said i know about your friend too. so she has everyone thinking that i am messing around on her i guess. anyway i forgot to mention my neibor. when i left the house the day before after droping the house payment off she was up the road and we talked about things. she said she would watch the house when she was home and let me know if he was comming around. and told me she didnt love me if she moved on that quick. well i left. well yesterday morning i passed her again and i stopped. she said i talked to jennifer yesterday. she said she told me that she caught you running around on her with another girl! i said what! she steve i dont believe her i just wanted to let you know what is telling people. so i think its best now just to forget about us and worry about my daughter. there is no sence in wanting someone who doesnt want me. being lied to on a daily basis. being put down. only to have my heart broke many times in the last 2 months. its just not worth it. i feel i have done everything in my power to try to make this work. what scares me is in two or three months she comes running back. i dont know if i will have the courage yet to tell her no. so what i am going to is start dating. i want to see what the world has to offer. i know there is someone out there who will have more respect for me than her. i just dont understand her. i work, i make college level money, i pay all the bills, i take care of my children 80% of the time, i beg for affection but dont get any, i just dont know that she will ever be happy in life. the thing that scares me is my baby girl. jennifer is cut from the same cloth as her mother. she is actually worse about lieing and manipulating than her mother. i do not want my little girl to be brought up that way. it is a scary thought. thanks for all the support people. why dont we listen to people when the tell us the best advice in life? LOVE is a very powerful word and alot of people use it to their advantage. i will keep everyone posted on my progress............steve
i am backkkkkk.... hahahaha well lets just say i am a new person and the wife is still herself. she has done everything from cut me off from my step son to telling her lawyer i am stalking her. she is up to a pint a night now and getting worse. my daughter has grow really close to me in the last two months and i think now even though she is 5 she is seeing things for what they are. i would still like to push for full custody but i have no way of proving her drinking beause she does it behind closed doors. i don tknow if i mentioned that she was attending school but she finished it up only to fail the state boards. she has got her car repoed and is falling hard and fast. i cannot call the house to speak to my little one without first getting the yelled at treatment. on my nightly visitation she goes as far as to only pack a couple things so she can have an excuse to bring more or get me to come get more. mainly doing things just to make me mad. trouble is i dont get mad anymore, i just smile! i pay child support but i had to go buy winter clothes and coats for haily because she wouldnt. she has made the comment several times that the little bit of money i give her doesnt help out much! i just tell her, hey i give what i was told to give by the courts and besides that isnt to help you it for haily. oh and the dude she was seeing has run off also. only took hiim 1.5 months to figure out she was nuts. wonder why it took me 6 years? i had to threaten to take her to court on thanksgiving day becuase she wouldnt let me see or have a phone conversation. by rights i was supposed to get her all day and the whole vacation and only ended up getting her for three hours because of my work schedule. she has begged me to come home 2 times back in september but i told her i didnt know. so now she just uses the kids against me and tries to make my life a living hell. whats she doesnt understand is it was hell and there is nothing she can do now to make it any worse than it was with her. thanks to all who were there to help and i will keep "ya'll" posted!
once again thank you to this site and having somewhere to vent. all is well with me and my little girl is wanting to come live with me. like my lawyer told me "it will get a whole lot worse before it gets better". i am finally on the upswing of this but i will say that divorce hurt me more than anything. i believe it was worse than any close family member passing away. thanks to all who have helped me! steve
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Re: can you help me save my marriage 
